12-Year-Old Gets First Kiss From Carrie Underwood, On Stage
As a 12-year-old living in the freest country in the world, Chase had not yet received his first kiss, a significant rite of passage in American culture. He roamed the playground, ogling the newly budded breasts of girls in his grade, but couldn’t manage to grab some face-sucking time with any of the menstruation-stricken prudes. Then, one day, young Chase had an epiphany.
“Fuck these freakishly tall pubescent bitches,” he thought. “I’m shooting for the stars.”
He wasn’t going to settle for some pimply-faced middle school cheerleader with a B-cup. No, Chase had bigger plans. So he hit the Carrie Underwood concert in Louisville wielding a sign that read “Will you be my first kiss?” The rest is history.
Not only did this little Andy Milonakis lookalike have the gargantuan balls to go on stage, he showed the world how thick his root is when Carrie asked, “How we gonna do this?” Without hesitation, the future fratter fired back, “Lip to lip.” AND when she told him to close his eyes, he shamelessly refused.
Word on the street is Chase already has plans to attend a Miranda Lambert concert holding a sign that says “Will you be my first OTPHJ?”
This kid is my new hero. Forget the hockey player. Go with the FaF 12 year old. “I lost my wife to a kid? What’s going on, eh?”
12 years ago at 12:53 pmNot sure if you guys saw the two fingers he snuck backdoor.
12 years ago at 1:04 pmHAHAHA
12 years ago at 6:14 pmThis kid is going places… like your Mom’s ass.
12 years ago at 1:09 pmI’d dig my key into the side of that pretty little souped up 4-wheel drive
12 years ago at 1:13 pmI’d take her muddin’, YAAA KNOW’M SAYN?!
12 years ago at 5:26 am^This fuckin guy
12 years ago at 10:50 am2 words He Pulls
12 years ago at 1:30 pmThis kid burned a slap shot right past the goalie.
12 years ago at 1:55 pmI’m pretty sure he just pulled off a feat many of us have wanted to do… as a 12 year old. Fuck.
12 years ago at 1:58 pmA modern day squints.
12 years ago at 2:05 pm^Fucking this.
12 years ago at 2:29 pmput the moves on the lifeguard…
12 years ago at 2:35 pmShe doesn’t know what she’s doing…
12 years ago at 6:19 pmThis is clearly the best day of his life
12 years ago at 2:45 pmNow every girl at his elementary school will undoubtedly be all over his dick. Well played, guy.
12 years ago at 2:53 pmYou can’t fuck the prom queen until she finds out her best friend jerked you off underneath the bleachers.
12 years ago at 6:20 pm^ Ari Gold. Respect to you good sir.
12 years ago at 1:58 am