19 Signs You’re Hazing Too Hard

Jared Borislow9 years ago

We love some good, old-fashioned hazing here at TFM, but everything has its limits. In the blink of an eye, a light-hearted (for the actives, at least) first lineup can get very, very real, and spiral into an entire semester of hellish sadism and fucked up one-upsmanship. Some of the TFM freelance writers and I brainstormed some signs that your fraternity might be hazing juuuuust a little too hard.

1. A few of your JIs are diagnosed with PTSD.
2. Your pledges’ farts no longer make any noise.
3. At least one pledge gets social services called on his parents after some professors notice his bruises.
4. A pledge breaks down during an icebreaker involving a blindfold in his Econ 101 discussion.
5. You finish the semester with far fewer pledges than you started with, and not because any dropped or were blackballed.
6. You discover detailed plans to kidnap and dismember the pledge master while conducting a cavity search of the pledge class president.
7. Butter hot dogs are a featured item on your fraternity’s meal plan because it’s what all the brothers are used to.
8. One of your pledges shits his pants.
9. One of your pledges shits another pledge’s pants.
10. There are knee-height butt-shaped indentations in your basement wall.
11. The majority of your JIs can’t fall asleep at night without listening to “Crazy Frog” at full blast on repeat.
12. A pledge voluntarily goes to jail.
13. A pledge voluntarily enters himself into a medically-induced coma.
14. The value of one of the pledges’ 2014 Jeep Grand Cherokee was cut in half because he put 75,000 DD miles on it.
15. Your university health center issues a PSA regarding elbow injuries.
16. One of your pledges smokes his first-ever cigarette on bid night and develops lung cancer before initiation.
17. Your JIs gut their dip spit because they’ve grown fond of the taste.
18. You walk in on your pledges practicing their elephant walk ahead of the upcoming lineup.
19. One of your JIs drops the fraternity to become an advocate for man-goat love..

To listen to TFM’s writers tell their worst (read: best) hazing stories, subscribe to The Inside TFM Podcast on iTunes.