19 Things With Longer Durations Than Jay Cutler’s Absurdly Short Retirement

Dent7 years ago

Multiple reports surfaced Sunday that former Chicago Bear Jay Cutler will be joining the Miami Dolphins this season on a one-year contract. This news comes almost exactly three months to the date after Cutler initially announced his retirement. To say that his time away from football was brief would be an understatement, so I’m here to present you with 19 things that lasted longer than Cutler’s absence from the game…

1. Brett Favre’s retirement (any of them)

2. Smokin’ Jay’s broadcasting career

3. The Mooch’s tenure as communications director

4. Rick Pitino in an Italian restaurant

5. The flight time of a North Korean missile

6. Future Tim Tebow when he finally blows his (allegedly) virgin load

7. LaVar Ball’s patience with female referees

8. Sean Spicer as White House press secretary

9. My last stint with chlamydia

10. The time between rants wherein President Trump calls out his haters on Twitter

11. Johnny Cokehead’s NFL career (though it’s not over yet)

12. A Kentucky basketball player’s academic career

13. Fans’ positive perception of Jay in Chicago

14. Official acknowledgment of Reggie Bush as a Heisman winner

15. The time it takes Antonio Cromartie to produce another child

16. Michael Phelps if he had actually raced a real shark

17. My chances with the girl at the bar this weekend that I called “sneaky sexy”

18. Aaron Hernandez’s post-acquittal celebration

19. NFL Front offices’ discussion of having Kap join the squad.

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