20 Things Guys And Girls View Completely Differently
13 years ago

20 Things Guys And Girls View Completely Differently

1. Lilly Pulitzer

Girls: A beauty, a visionary, a lifestyle.
Guys: A dead lady who put a tag on your grandmother’s tablecloth and called it a $400 dress.

2. Shopping

Guys: A quick, systematic mission to collect the essentials and nothing more.
Girls: It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey — the bi-weekly, five-hour journey.

3. The Gym

Guys: Where you go to sweat off a hangover and admire your campus’ latest selection of yoga pants.
Girls: The building that houses ellipticals, where you spend 30 minutes pretending to work off the salad you ate for lunch and dinner, in an attempt to tell other girls you are hotter than they are.

4. Facial Hair

Guys: A testament to the Glory of America in a Chuck Norris-esque fashion.
Girls: Something that makes kissing a boy unpleasant and receiving…ahem, kisses from a boy even more unpleasant.

5. Lingerie

Girls: Something sexy to overpay for and slip on to excite your gentleman caller.
Guys: Just one more pointless step between “you” and “naked.”

6. Grocery Shopping

Guys: Can you grill it? Buy it. Are there less than three steps under the “Cooking Instructions” label? Buy it.
Girls: A timely process consisting of making lists, checking nutrition labels, and referring to recipes.

7. The Masters

Guys: The Superbowl of the golf tournaments. It should be a holiday.
Girls: Something that only piques interest if it refers to a guy’s degree.

8. Pledge Rides

Girls: The most genius taxi service in existence.
Guys: The slowest and most inconsistent taxi service in existence.

9. Showers

Guys: Pits. Junk. Light chest lather. 10 minutes tops.
Girls: Meticulously shave every inch of your body, mentally plan out your day, lather, rinse, repeat. 20-30 minutes.

10. Laundry

Guys: “These jeans smell okay, fuck it.”
Girls: “I don’t even want to know what most of the stains are from on this Oxford of his.”

11. Drink Orders

Guys: Any non-vodka, non-tequila beverage on special will do.
Girls: Vodka soda with lime is the quickest and lowest calorie path to obliteration. I’ll have a double.

12. Finding A Date To A Function

Girls: He has to be generous enough to buy all your drinks, social enough to get along with all of the other guys, patient enough to take 25 pictures of you and your pledge sisters, and most importantly, handsome enough to make your ex-boyfriend jealous.
Guys: Is her waist-to-tit ratio acceptable? Will she blow me with little to no further effort required? Sign her up.

13. Manscaping

Guys: I’ll give the little buddy a haircut once in awhile, but don’t expect my balls to look like a leather purse when I’m done.
Girls: Shave it! If you don’t shave it, trim it. If you don’t trim it, keep it away from me.

14. Beer

Guys: Any brand, any type, any time.
Girls: A foul-tasting beverage that ugly girls are convinced you’ll “get used to” in time.

15. Condoms

Guys: If she doesn’t ask you to use one, use one. Otherwise, you’re probably good.
Girls: Kill the mood or kill your reputation. Decisions, decisions.

16. Recruitment

Girls: THE LITERAL MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU WILL DO THIS YEAR, PERHAPS THIS LIFETIME.
Guys: A week of bullshit that is only bearable because you know you’ll have pledges when it’s over.

17. Facebook Official

Girls: A necessary construct and the only true indication of his love for you.
Guys: A deathwish, similar to being locked up in a Cold War era Russian death camp.

18.Test Preparation

Guys: An excruciating Adderall binge anywhere from 2-18 hours before the actual exam.
Girls: A 28-hour alternation between caffeine, Xanax, and Adderall spent hovering over color-coded notes between social media binges.

19. Rush Boobs

Girls: Fucking skanks. I hate them.
Guys: Fucking skanks. I love them.

20. Formal

Girls: The most glamorous event of the year, during which a potential romance may blossom over a black out.
Guys: The biggest shitshow of the year, during which you’ll have a blast as long as you have a date who puts out.

  4. The Sixth Year

    “Guys: Pits. Junk. Light chest lather. 10 minutes tops.” That describes my shower perfectly.

    13 years ago at 5:03 pm
    2. jack d

      I can shower, brush my teeth and get dressed in under 15 minutes and still be very thorough in the shower. Learn hygiene.

      13 years ago at 12:57 am
    5. SanDiegoFratter

      Does anyone know why we do the chest lather? I do it too, but maybe I’m wasting time.

      13 years ago at 8:57 pm
  5. Brian_Fantana

    Should’ve kept the guys and girls in a repetitive first or second, otherwise it was an alright column.

    13 years ago at 5:05 pm
    2. BlutoPDT

      ^Quit crying and go meet the other 90% of your chapter you haven’t even made eye contact with yet.

      12 years ago at 1:25 pm
  10. BamaForRomney

    SFPL, you always say guys don’t like Lilly. Maybe that’s a Gainesville thing, because most guys I know, myself included, like a girl in Lilly. They all wore it in my hometown growing up. I guess it’s just a classic. I have a few swimsuits and shirts from Lilly men actually

    13 years ago at 5:10 pm
    4. BamaForRomney

      Yeah it’s not a big line or anything but you’ll see it at stores on BHI, Sea Pines, Seaside, etc

      13 years ago at 5:43 pm
    5. fratslammin

      Alright you fuckers, what the hell does SFPL stand for? And don’t give me that YMBNH bull shit, cause I’ve been here a lot longer than some of you little bastards. I’ve just been away for a while.

      13 years ago at 6:27 pm
    10. TrickleDown

      I don’t know about Lilly for men but yeah, a girl looks hot in Lilly. Why would we want our ladies dressing like GDIs

      13 years ago at 8:31 pm
    11. fratslammin

      Well fuck, I feel like an idiot now. Lacing up the ol’ running shoes for some good laps.

      13 years ago at 9:00 pm