2015 Wife Mock Draft
10 years ago

Amy Wesson

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School: Dartmouth
Hometown: Greenwich, CT
House: Top-tier
Major: Economics
GPA: 3.7
Hair color: Blonde
Height: 5′9
Weight: 129 lbs.
Cup size: C (natural, amazing)

Pros:
– Last name looks familiar, yeah? That’s because her great-great-great-great grandfather is Daniel B. Wesson of Smith & Wesson. Ever heard of it?
– LOADED. Family money coming out of her ass, but you wouldn’t know it talking to her. She is incredibly personable and funny. Not a snobby bone in her body.
– So smart it’s scary. Most likely headed to Wall Street after graduation unless she goes to grad school. She’s already been accepted to Harvard and Northwestern.
– Family has houses for each season. Condo in Scottsdale for winter, lodge in Vail for spring, beach house in Kennebunkport for summer, condo at the Mohonk Mountain House for fall (Google “Mohonk Mountain House.” You won’t believe that place actually exists).
– Legs like a VS Angel.
– Her rack is a sight to behold. Immaculate.

Cons:
– Her family has very high standards for spouses. Her sister brought a guy on vacation who was making $90K a year at twenty-four and they laughed him out of Jackson Hole. Last I heard, he was selling junk bonds in Albany after spending three months in therapy.
– History of messy divorces in her family. Prepare to sign a prenup that will leave you with nothing if you try to cash out.

Projected: First overall

Outlook: Here she is. There’s no way you can miss out on this one: gorgeous, caring, funny, sweet, well-monied, smart. If you can hold your own with the fam, you’ll be living the good life in New England (or wherever the hell her family happens to take you that weekend), never having to worry about money for the rest of your life.

Note: All photos used are from the TFM photos section and not representative of the fictional characters listed.

Previous Wife Mock Drafts:
2014 Wife Mock Draft
2013 Wife Mock Draft
2013 Wife Mock Draft (Second Edition)

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    1. TFMSorrySir

      You can’t just go around saying that; it’s a sensitive topic

      #NeverForget
      #Forumgeddon2014
      #BringBackTheF0r*ms2015
      (#RockTheBoat)

      10 years ago at 12:44 pm
      1. FratstarsnStripes

        I bet you’ve never even read “Decision Points” while getting a blumpkin from a slampiece while drinking Makers Mark and Natty Light from your painted Yeti Cooler as your croakies hold your knockarounds on around your neck and you drive golf balls off the bow of your yacht as you snort cocaine all while having tons of old money and wearing sperrys.

        This is everyday stuff for me brah, and yesterday was my 4 year TFM birthday (the first day needed for a username log-in to post content) I’ll never be balled. Way too Frat.

        Lap me, fruitloops.

        10 years ago at 3:37 pm
      2. BlueCupsAreLiberal

        You’ve been here for four years and you’re still only an active? lol

        10 years ago at 3:58 pm
      6. FratstarsnStripes

        Back in the good old days, we used ^ for this and had to write out “take a lap” if we wanted someone to take a lap.

        10 years ago at 4:47 pm
      1. PursuitofFrattiness9

        Thinking people are laughing with you, when in reality they’re laughing at you. TSDMM

        10 years ago at 5:01 pm
      3. GeedsAreRuiningAmerica

        This a troll account, right? There’s no way this ass clown is a real person. I clicked on his profile, his comments are averaging below -100, and his bio makes me want to go down to Texas and make the world a better place by beating his face into a bloody pulp.

        10 years ago at 11:13 am
  4. Texas Tux and Oil

    Perfect execution of the full service grab on Christine, would have to see here face but the verdict is still up in the air on the scouting report.

    10 years ago at 11:51 am
      1. Money_Ball

        Champions, any chance we’ll ever see a follow up? I’d like to know if Allison Bonnett (#1 Overall, 2013) pulled a Ryan Leaf, or if Casey Stadler (Early 3rd round, 2013) was worth the mid-round gamble.

        10 years ago at 1:19 pm
      3. Texas Tux and Oil

        In this game champ there is no grooming players for multiple years, age is a career ender.

        10 years ago at 4:49 pm
  5. JerryJones

    Annie would be a first round pick for me.

    – 5’9 (Our kids would be tall enough to be athletes)
    – Slightly racist (Would be hilarious to see her belittle the landscapers)
    – D Cup (She’s got an ass, and you don’t have to buy the tits)

    Her lack of interest in fitness wouldn’t be a problem, I’d work her out every night, if you catch my drift…

    10 years ago at 12:02 pm
    3. TFMSorrySir

      Agree with everything except the height. I’ve always found short girls to be freakier in bed.

      10 years ago at 12:52 pm
      1. JerryJones

        I’m not a fan of freakishly tall girls, but I like a 5’8-5’10 girl simply because I love long legs, and it’s easier to do certain sexual acts with girls closer to your height.

        10 years ago at 1:19 pm
      2. TooBusyYachting

        Your father clearly failed. Not only should he have finished on your moms face, he should have kicked her down stairs after she found out she was pregnant with your sorry ass.

        10 years ago at 4:55 pm
  8. John Daly Jr

    Annie is the Ryan Leaf of this draft. A 3.1 at ECU? her kids will be taking the extra short bus to school.

    10 years ago at 12:33 pm