2015 Wife Mock Draft
Jen Steele
School: University of Tennessee
Hometown: Asheville, NC
House: Middle-tier
Major: Advertising
GPA: 2.9
Hair color: Blonde
Height: 5′9
Weight: 144 lbs.
Cup size: D (natural, hang a touch low)
Pros:
– The SEC produces the best talent in the nation, hands down. This is a prime example. Kind of got lost in the pack, but she’s putting her best foot forward as she matures.
– Abs all day. Solid core.
– Extensive sex toy collection. Nothing too scary, either. No nipple clamps, butt plugs, or anything weird like that.
– Makes incredible pancakes from a family recipe that’s been passed down for three generations. Has family from New England who owns a maple syrup conglomerate. Shit is delicious.
Cons:
– Pretty disappointing news, but word is she slutted it up and down Broadway at Rocky Top. She seemed so innocent and pure. You wouldn’t even know it. Waiting on word from the doc to see if there are any lingering effects.
– Terrible hair extensions.
– Kind of a psycho. Has been ejected from multiple UT football games.
– Was seen wearing pajama pants in public as recently as last Friday.
Projected: Mid third round
Outlook: The wear and tear downstairs has us a bit worried. She’s got a lot of miles on those tires, if you know what I mean. Look, I’m not going to pretend like all women are virgins when they get married and that no foreign objects have been shoved into that beautiful piece of anatomy, but just be responsible about it. I just hope it’s still down there and hasn’t melted off from the friction. Pass.
Drafting all of them TotalMormonMove
10 years ago at 11:48 amYou can’t just go around saying that; it’s a sensitive topic
#NeverForget
10 years ago at 12:44 pm#Forumgeddon2014
#BringBackTheF0r*ms2015
(#RockTheBoat)
Fuck you
10 years ago at 1:10 pm#BallFratstarsnStripes
I bet you’ve never even read “Decision Points” while getting a blumpkin from a slampiece while drinking Makers Mark and Natty Light from your painted Yeti Cooler as your croakies hold your knockarounds on around your neck and you drive golf balls off the bow of your yacht as you snort cocaine all while having tons of old money and wearing sperrys.
This is everyday stuff for me brah, and yesterday was my 4 year TFM birthday (the first day needed for a username log-in to post content) I’ll never be balled. Way too Frat.
Lap me, fruitloops.
10 years ago at 3:37 pmYou’ve been here for four years and you’re still only an active? lol
10 years ago at 3:58 pmYou really hurt my internet feelings there, champ.
10 years ago at 4:07 pmChill out, old sport.
10 years ago at 10:27 pmWith 32 pages of comments as well…how did you manage that one.
10 years ago at 4:39 pmBack in the good old days, we used ^ for this and had to write out “take a lap” if we wanted someone to take a lap.
10 years ago at 4:47 pmRe-using a joke from the first Mock Wife Draft 2 years ago. NF
10 years ago at 1:18 pm*TSDMM
10 years ago at 2:28 pmFuck bitches, get money. Pussies.
Thinking people are laughing with you, when in reality they’re laughing at you. TSDMM
10 years ago at 5:01 pmWhy is this kid still here?
10 years ago at 5:34 pmThis a troll account, right? There’s no way this ass clown is a real person. I clicked on his profile, his comments are averaging below -100, and his bio makes me want to go down to Texas and make the world a better place by beating his face into a bloody pulp.
10 years ago at 11:13 amWifing up? Swerve.
10 years ago at 11:48 amShut up Meg
10 years ago at 12:45 pmTrickle down off my dick ron
10 years ago at 1:09 pmhttp://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/gallery/popcorn-gifs/tumblr_ljh0puClWT1qfkt17.gif
10 years ago at 4:05 pmPerfect execution of the full service grab on Christine, would have to see here face but the verdict is still up in the air on the scouting report.
10 years ago at 11:51 amGonna have to disagree. Good hair, good face.
10 years ago at 11:54 amChampions, any chance we’ll ever see a follow up? I’d like to know if Allison Bonnett (#1 Overall, 2013) pulled a Ryan Leaf, or if Casey Stadler (Early 3rd round, 2013) was worth the mid-round gamble.
10 years ago at 1:19 pmGive it one more year for them to hit their primes.
10 years ago at 3:28 pmIn this game champ there is no grooming players for multiple years, age is a career ender.
10 years ago at 4:49 pmAnnie would be a first round pick for me.
– 5’9 (Our kids would be tall enough to be athletes)
– Slightly racist (Would be hilarious to see her belittle the landscapers)
– D Cup (She’s got an ass, and you don’t have to buy the tits)
Her lack of interest in fitness wouldn’t be a problem, I’d work her out every night, if you catch my drift…
10 years ago at 12:02 pmAnnie is the clear #1 overall choice in this draft. No question
10 years ago at 12:10 pm#ButtStuffWithAnnie2015 ???
10 years ago at 12:15 pmClassic Jerry going for the wildcard
10 years ago at 12:40 pmAgree with everything except the height. I’ve always found short girls to be freakier in bed.
10 years ago at 12:52 pmI’m not a fan of freakishly tall girls, but I like a 5’8-5’10 girl simply because I love long legs, and it’s easier to do certain sexual acts with girls closer to your height.
10 years ago at 1:19 pm
10 years ago at 1:45 pmSniff my taint you bitch.
10 years ago at 2:28 pmShut the fuck up and respect your elders, ya fuckin maggot!
10 years ago at 2:52 pmYour father clearly failed. Not only should he have finished on your moms face, he should have kicked her down stairs after she found out she was pregnant with your sorry ass.
10 years ago at 4:55 pmThis is, by far, my favorite. These should be done more often
10 years ago at 12:04 pmDrafting Jen to be your next whore ex wife. TFrankReynoldsM
10 years ago at 12:06 pmDefinitely in need of a little player development.
10 years ago at 2:05 pmAnnie is the Ryan Leaf of this draft. A 3.1 at ECU? her kids will be taking the extra short bus to school.
10 years ago at 12:33 pmTaylor-Sophia McIntosh is most definitely the Jameis Winston of this draft.
10 years ago at 12:42 pmSup Christine.
10 years ago at 12:46 pmAnnie Porter for sure
10 years ago at 12:49 pm