2015 Wife Mock Draft
10 years ago

Caroline Kipp

d8a258a6669eb7f457c2540443ad3db2-768x1024

School: University of Wisconsin
Hometown: Chicago, IL
House: Top-tier
Major: Communications or English (she was so drunk she literally could not remember what her major was)
GPA: 2.6
Hair color: Redhead
Height: 5′7
Weight: 138 lbs.
Cup size: C (natural, a bit saggy)

Pros:
– Party animal. Quite popular around campus.
– The carpet does, in fact, match the drapes, and she’s rocking hardwood floors in the downstairs entryway.
– Family goes on vacation to the Caymans every winter. Significant others are always invited and paid for.
– Doe eyes.

Cons:
– She is a sloppy drunk. Borderline alcoholic.
– Sexually inexperienced. Sounds like a good thing on the surface, but she struggles with the little things…and even with the average-sized things.
– Awful case of pancake ass. It’s flatter than Kansas back there.

Projected: Fifth round

Outlook: No one likes to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s just not here. She doesn’t have the “it” factor. Doesn’t jump out at you as a “can’t miss” kind of prospect. No real upside or benefit and that just breaks my heart, especially with so many people rooting for her. That’s just life in the big leagues.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
    1. TFMSorrySir

      You can’t just go around saying that; it’s a sensitive topic

      #NeverForget
      #Forumgeddon2014
      #BringBackTheF0r*ms2015
      (#RockTheBoat)

      10 years ago at 12:44 pm
      1. FratstarsnStripes

        I bet you’ve never even read “Decision Points” while getting a blumpkin from a slampiece while drinking Makers Mark and Natty Light from your painted Yeti Cooler as your croakies hold your knockarounds on around your neck and you drive golf balls off the bow of your yacht as you snort cocaine all while having tons of old money and wearing sperrys.

        This is everyday stuff for me brah, and yesterday was my 4 year TFM birthday (the first day needed for a username log-in to post content) I’ll never be balled. Way too Frat.

        Lap me, fruitloops.

        10 years ago at 3:37 pm
      2. BlueCupsAreLiberal

        You’ve been here for four years and you’re still only an active? lol

        10 years ago at 3:58 pm
      6. FratstarsnStripes

        Back in the good old days, we used ^ for this and had to write out “take a lap” if we wanted someone to take a lap.

        10 years ago at 4:47 pm
      1. PursuitofFrattiness9

        Thinking people are laughing with you, when in reality they’re laughing at you. TSDMM

        10 years ago at 5:01 pm
      3. GeedsAreRuiningAmerica

        This a troll account, right? There’s no way this ass clown is a real person. I clicked on his profile, his comments are averaging below -100, and his bio makes me want to go down to Texas and make the world a better place by beating his face into a bloody pulp.

        10 years ago at 11:13 am
  4. Texas Tux and Oil

    Perfect execution of the full service grab on Christine, would have to see here face but the verdict is still up in the air on the scouting report.

    10 years ago at 11:51 am
      1. Money_Ball

        Champions, any chance we’ll ever see a follow up? I’d like to know if Allison Bonnett (#1 Overall, 2013) pulled a Ryan Leaf, or if Casey Stadler (Early 3rd round, 2013) was worth the mid-round gamble.

        10 years ago at 1:19 pm
      3. Texas Tux and Oil

        In this game champ there is no grooming players for multiple years, age is a career ender.

        10 years ago at 4:49 pm
  5. JerryJones

    Annie would be a first round pick for me.

    – 5’9 (Our kids would be tall enough to be athletes)
    – Slightly racist (Would be hilarious to see her belittle the landscapers)
    – D Cup (She’s got an ass, and you don’t have to buy the tits)

    Her lack of interest in fitness wouldn’t be a problem, I’d work her out every night, if you catch my drift…

    10 years ago at 12:02 pm
    3. TFMSorrySir

      Agree with everything except the height. I’ve always found short girls to be freakier in bed.

      10 years ago at 12:52 pm
      1. JerryJones

        I’m not a fan of freakishly tall girls, but I like a 5’8-5’10 girl simply because I love long legs, and it’s easier to do certain sexual acts with girls closer to your height.

        10 years ago at 1:19 pm
      2. TooBusyYachting

        Your father clearly failed. Not only should he have finished on your moms face, he should have kicked her down stairs after she found out she was pregnant with your sorry ass.

        10 years ago at 4:55 pm
  8. John Daly Jr

    Annie is the Ryan Leaf of this draft. A 3.1 at ECU? her kids will be taking the extra short bus to school.

    10 years ago at 12:33 pm