25 Things Greek Life Needs To Fix
1. If your boxers have a longer inseam than your shorts, you’re doing it wrong.
2. Bow ties are for special occasions. Not for your 10:40am class on Wednesday.
3. Happy hour should last at least two more hours. There’s gotta be a way we can fix this.
4. Going fishing does not require that you dress yourself to resemble a Columbia brand vibrator.
5. Doing drugs can be cool. Thinking you’re cool because you do drugs is not.
6. Your father may have accomplished a lot, but in the grand scheme of things, you haven’t achieved shit yet.
7. We need to invent a guy version of LuLu.
8. Shotgunning any liquid other than beer makes you look like a mentally challenged middle schooler trying to impress his 6.5 of a teacher.
9. Snitching on other Greek organizations needs to stop. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but I do. Snitches get stitches.
10. Know that when you put money in a jukebox, you are controlling the atmosphere of the entire bar. That’s a big responsibility. Don’t fuck it up.
11. The power to send a text message to the entire fraternity should not be taken lightly.
12. In no way, shape or form is “gayzing” acceptable.
13. If your closet looks like something a pastel walrus shat out while on a week long LSD-bender, I’ll chop your dick off.
14. Ladies, a boob job is not something you want to “save money on.” The result could come out looking like hastily duct-taped hand grenades attached to your chest.
15. I don’t care if it’s 115 degrees, if you’re Greek you should dress like a respectable human being on gameday. It’s still a special occasion.
16. If you play Wagon Wheel six times a night, you’re part of the reason people like Darius Rucker are ruining it.
17. If you’re unfamiliar with it, look up the definition of “satire” before your read this site. At least do that before you write a hasty article bashing us in the student newspaper.
18. No matter what you may hear or think, it still isn’t cool to be an asshole to a female of any level of attractiveness.
19. If you’re visiting another chapter of your letters, you should give them a heads up before you do. Especially if your chapter is significantly smaller and/or weirder than the other.
20. Everyone loves a good rival fraternity scuffle, but keep it on your respective properties. Bar fights can only end badly for everyone involved.
21. If we could avoid two sorority functions overlapping, that would be great. Sometimes we just don’t feel like choosing.
22. Sorority girls: “Crazy” and “Girl I’d like to hang out with” are not synonyms.
23. Snapchats of your shits aren’t funny anymore.
24. Less shitty meals, more chicken parm nights, and take beef tips off the fucking menu.
25. American flag shorts can be awesome…in the right setting. A sorority formal is not the right setting.
If you’re visiting another chapter of your letters, showing up without a heads up is one of the purposes of greek life. No matter what school, still bros you can rage faces with.
phi phi
13 years ago at 4:11 pmstay in canada please.
13 years ago at 4:14 pmFrom Houston Texas. Try hard.
13 years ago at 6:55 pmyoure a pike though lol
13 years ago at 12:01 amE.L.E.
13 years ago at 2:59 pm^^ and you just said “lol”
13 years ago at 6:14 pmEVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!!!
13 years ago at 6:16 pmWe may be Pikes, 190fucks4, but at least we have the mental capacity for simple things such as punctuation.
13 years ago at 10:52 amAlso, does NOBODY know that when you wear a tie, the shirt SHOULD NOT have a logo on it? Doesn’t matter if it is Polo Vineyard Vines or Southern Tide, don’t do it.
13 years ago at 4:13 pmExample: the man pictured on the right.
This actually bothers me a ton, and the tools that dress like that daily on my campus break that rule all the time
13 years ago at 4:16 pm^^ Amen
13 years ago at 4:41 pmYea a ton of people do that, and it looks dumb as fuck.
13 years ago at 9:20 pmi never knew that was a no go. I almost always wear a jacket when i have a tie on and that covers the logo. that being said, i usually prefer no logos when im dressing formal but its so much harder to find shirts without logos
13 years ago at 12:42 pmIt’s not hard at all. Stop trying to buy Vineyard or Polo and most actual suit companies won’t include logos on their shirts.
13 years ago at 10:14 pmThe worst is the tools that always make sure to match the color of their tie to the color of their shirt, as if that’s what the shirt was made for. Just confirms beyond a doubt that you don’t know how to dress. And to Fratwood and DCBrother, most brands, including Vineyard and Polo offer casual shirts with the logo on the chest and dress shirts that don’t sport a logo.
13 years ago at 11:34 pm^Exactly. Too many people think a button down shirt is the same thing as a dress shirt. It’s not. There’s multiple varieties.
13 years ago at 10:50 am^^ Thank you. Learn the fucking difference between sport shirts and dress shirts.
13 years ago at 10:06 pmGo fuck yourself.
13 years ago at 4:53 pmIt’s unfortunate this article needed to be written in the first place. Thankfully, it was.
13 years ago at 5:03 pm#23 and #6 simply are not true
13 years ago at 5:21 pm1) There’s nothing wrong with wearing Columbia gear while fishing.
13 years ago at 8:25 pm2) #7 was the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.
3) Any fellow fraternity men of my organization are always welcome at our house. No questions asked… announced or not.
4) Snapchats of shits will ALWAYS be funny. Especially if there’s corn in it.
So literally fuck your own face SFPL
#6 For damn sure.
13 years ago at 8:28 pmFinally! A list that doesn’t suck ass. Atta boy, SFPL.
13 years ago at 8:44 pmRFM.
13 years ago at 9:07 pmThank you.
13 years ago at 10:45 pm