3 Reasons Why The Friend Zone Doesn’t Exist
You hear about it all the time, from high school movies, pointless memes, and mediocre stand-up comics. The dreaded “friend zone.”
I mean, there’s nothing worse than having a platonic friendship with an attractive girl and she just won’t give you a chance. She keeps on having failed relationships with other guys, and telling you you’re a great guy, but for some reason she refuses to date you. You’re such a great guy, so why doesn’t she let you date her? Why does she refuse to look at you in any sexual or romantic manner?
It’s ridiculous, and it’s total bullshit. The friend zone fucking SUCKS, right?!
WRONG.
If you believe in the friend zone, and if you complain about being in the friend zone, you’re a pathetic, brain damaged douchebucket and you need to pull your delusional head out of your ass, wake up, and smell reality.
Here are a few reasons why the friend zone is total bull crap:
STOP THINKING EVERY GIRL SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU.
There’s nothing weirder or dumber than painting a girl as a villain just because she doesn’t wanna fuck you. If you’re friends with a girl that you wanna fuck, but she’s not interested in letting you stuff her, you’re not a victim; you’re just a whiny, entitled infant.
Chances are, maybe you’re not the radiating stunning stud you think you are. You got a weird busted face and a flabby dadbod and you smell like moldy pizza and fireball vomit. If your female friend doesn’t want your dick, she’s not some evil Batman villain. She just doesn’t want to fuck you, just like literally billions of other girls. She’s not a cruel bitch and she’s not some clueless ignorant girl that doesn’t notice how amazing you are. She’s just not interested. Who gives a fuck? Get over it.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER GIRLS IN THE WORLD
Do you know how many women are in the world? Literally billions. If you’ve got a case of the blues and you’re down in the dumps because your vaginal pal doesn’t want to boink you, then find another girl. So many dudes in this fictional friend zone put these girls on massive pedestals.
Don’t get hung up on one girl. If she’s not interested, she’s just not interested. No need to be upset about it. Go find another girl. The world is flooded with attractive women, so go find a mate and stop complaining. If none of these others girl are interested either, that’s okay. You have two hands and an internet connection.
IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A FEMALE FRIEND THAT’S JUST A FRIEND
I get it, you’re a big, tough pussy destroyer. You need to conquer every smelly snatch that you stumble upon, because you’re a man, god dammit! You eat meat, drink beer and watch sports, and you’ll fuck anyone you want! Well, I don’t care. It’s okay to have platonic friends, big guy. Type some angry comments calling me queer all you want. I love having girl friends. You can get in touch with your sensitive side around them without being mocked. And they give you girl advice for when you want to get laid or find a relationship.
Don’t take it personally when you’re in the so-called friend zone. It’s okay to have friends, and sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise.
So there’s my advice to all you guys stuck in the ol’ friend zone. If you disagree, please email me your opinions at you at fuckyou@idontgiveafuck.com..
Writes article trying to make himself believe that the friendzone isn’t real while actually knee deep in the friendzone. TWallyBrytonM
9 years ago at 3:50 pmThat dude on the right is in the friendzone.
9 years ago at 3:52 pmlooks like he’s about to bust
9 years ago at 3:57 pmHe’s so deep in the friendzone he’s referred to as her gay best friend
9 years ago at 5:27 pmThe best way to get out of the friend zone is to nuke it
9 years ago at 3:55 pmJust stop
9 years ago at 4:03 pmmake him.
9 years ago at 4:07 pmSomeone probably should.
9 years ago at 5:38 pmI would gladly stop him if given the chance.
9 years ago at 6:24 pmReally? How would you? This is very important for my article called “Tough Guys with Tough Typing Fingers”
9 years ago at 1:51 amAnother swing and a miss for Cock McSuave.
9 years ago at 6:03 pmReal ass shit
9 years ago at 4:08 pmI agree with this article about as much as i do Bernie Sanders on economic policy. However, I do see some merit in your argument, Wally and enjoyed it.
9 years ago at 4:20 pmJust because you two write for the same $2 whore doesn’t mean you have to be friendly. One day it’s going to come down to you or him…
9 years ago at 4:34 pmWell, hopefully if it ever did come to that (which it won’t) my writing would secure me a “job” more so than negative anonymous comments about Wally.
9 years ago at 5:00 pmSomething tells me Siblings has some solid job security here. I mean, that memorial day piece basically ensured that the military would take over TFM if he got fired.
9 years ago at 6:41 amI wish your mom would’ve put your dad in the friend zone and left him their.
9 years ago at 4:21 pmThere, but good comment otherwise.
9 years ago at 6:42 pmNo the misuse of an elementary word tenders the comment moot. I don’t take cues from people who repeated the first grade four times
9 years ago at 1:52 amTry a little harder next time Cock McSuave.
9 years ago at 6:02 pmTotal frat move please remove this article. This is not liberal feminism weekly, this article should’ve been a 12 step program designed to get you home free from the dreaded area we call friendzone.
9 years ago at 4:30 pm12 step program? Nonsense. I use the DENNIS system personally
9 years ago at 8:14 pmReally now? I’m more of a MAC system guy myself
9 years ago at 6:45 amStep 1. Don’t be a pussy.
9 years ago at 1:23 am“Please email your opinions at you at…”? What the actual fuck. I’ve seen downs children articulate better.
9 years ago at 4:34 pmI could find more writing talent in a farm animal. You suck
9 years ago at 4:44 pmThen that just turns into Animal Farm. Total Commie Move
9 years ago at 7:39 pm