3 Reasons Why The Friend Zone Doesn’t Exist
9 years ago

aeceecd367f9d7b7d92d0214572970ad

You hear about it all the time, from high school movies, pointless memes, and mediocre stand-up comics. The dreaded “friend zone.”

I mean, there’s nothing worse than having a platonic friendship with an attractive girl and she just won’t give you a chance. She keeps on having failed relationships with other guys, and telling you you’re a great guy, but for some reason she refuses to date you. You’re such a great guy, so why doesn’t she let you date her? Why does she refuse to look at you in any sexual or romantic manner?

It’s ridiculous, and it’s total bullshit. The friend zone fucking SUCKS, right?!

WRONG.

If you believe in the friend zone, and if you complain about being in the friend zone, you’re a pathetic, brain damaged douchebucket and you need to pull your delusional head out of your ass, wake up, and smell reality.

Here are a few reasons why the friend zone is total bull crap:

STOP THINKING EVERY GIRL SHOULD WANT TO FUCK YOU.

There’s nothing weirder or dumber than painting a girl as a villain just because she doesn’t wanna fuck you. If you’re friends with a girl that you wanna fuck, but she’s not interested in letting you stuff her, you’re not a victim; you’re just a whiny, entitled infant.

Chances are, maybe you’re not the radiating stunning stud you think you are. You got a weird busted face and a flabby dadbod and you smell like moldy pizza and fireball vomit. If your female friend doesn’t want your dick, she’s not some evil Batman villain. She just doesn’t want to fuck you, just like literally billions of other girls. She’s not a cruel bitch and she’s not some clueless ignorant girl that doesn’t notice how amazing you are. She’s just not interested. Who gives a fuck? Get over it.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER GIRLS IN THE WORLD

Do you know how many women are in the world? Literally billions. If you’ve got a case of the blues and you’re down in the dumps because your vaginal pal doesn’t want to boink you, then find another girl. So many dudes in this fictional friend zone put these girls on massive pedestals.

Don’t get hung up on one girl. If she’s not interested, she’s just not interested. No need to be upset about it. Go find another girl. The world is flooded with attractive women, so go find a mate and stop complaining. If none of these others girl are interested either, that’s okay. You have two hands and an internet connection.

IT’S OKAY TO HAVE A FEMALE FRIEND THAT’S JUST A FRIEND

I get it, you’re a big, tough pussy destroyer. You need to conquer every smelly snatch that you stumble upon, because you’re a man, god dammit! You eat meat, drink beer and watch sports, and you’ll fuck anyone you want! Well, I don’t care. It’s okay to have platonic friends, big guy. Type some angry comments calling me queer all you want. I love having girl friends. You can get in touch with your sensitive side around them without being mocked. And they give you girl advice for when you want to get laid or find a relationship.

Don’t take it personally when you’re in the so-called friend zone. It’s okay to have friends, and sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise.

So there’s my advice to all you guys stuck in the ol’ friend zone. If you disagree, please email me your opinions at you at fuckyou@idontgiveafuck.com.

  2. Trail of beer5

    I’d read a book handwritten by Helen Keller over this any day. I’m glad you at least think you’re funny, because nobody else does and your lack of self awareness is alarming.

    9 years ago at 4:52 pm
  3. Gun_Slinger

    Okay is this Wally Bryton stuff done yet?..We get it TFM, you are trying to cater to your high school fratstar crowd with a guy whos writing talent is that of a special ed middle school kid.

    9 years ago at 5:02 pm
    1. fratsohardUn1versity

      this article belongs in Jezebel with a feminist author who wishes guys would try to get out of the friend zone for her.

      9 years ago at 9:55 pm
  5. CarolinaTFM

    I actually agree with Wally on this one. If you’re getting friendzoned man up and start hitting the gym or fixing the problem at its source whatever it is. Don’t be a bitch and complain about it

    9 years ago at 5:08 pm
  7. greekprospect

    Everybody stop commenting. At this point, anything fuels his “writing”. It’s not just positive comments, it is all comments. Giving any attention to this numbskull makes him feel important. He’s not.

    9 years ago at 5:48 pm
  10. pmcucha

    If you’re trying to shit on this dude, you’re probably the dudes he’s talking about

    9 years ago at 6:53 pm
  11. cockslover69

    These are all valid points, but they don’t disprove the existence of the friend zone.

    9 years ago at 7:11 pm