30 People Who Annoy You On Campus
1. People eating vegan lunches in the quad who might as well just be eating the grass.
2. Over eager pro-lifers that shove pictures of dismembered fetuses in your face.
3. The cyclist who’s too cool for the bike lane.
4. Freshmen.
5. The obnoxious evangelical who likes to remind everyone that they’re going to hell.
6. The two fat friends who are as wide as any sidewalk in the continental United States.
7. The borderline psychotic professor mumbling to himself.
8. That asshole who takes the last open parking space in a 15-mile radius.
9. The kid sleeping in a homemade hammock by the library.
10. The 48 people in the plaza whose sole purpose is to hand you a worthless scrap of paper.
11. The girl who tweets instead of paying attention to where she’s walking.
12. High school kids on campus tours, minus the hot female freshmen to be.
13. The apartment complex marketing team that hands you free sunglasses that cost no more than two cents to make.
14. Bus drivers who seem hell-bent on playing chicken with every pedestrian.
15. Pedestrians who seem hell-bent on playing chicken with the busses.
16. People who use the same form of transportation as a mid-90’s middle schooler.
17. Pledges. I don’t care what house they’re in. Seeing them just pisses me off.
18. Bike cops and their complete inability to be taken seriously.
19. Kids who practice parkour.
20. Freshmen who still wear their orientation t-shirts to class.
21. People who try to drag you into a 30-minute survey on health food.
22. Flocks of shirtless guys running through campus to relive their cross-country glory days.
23. Every single participant of Humans vs. Zombies.
24. The GDI who wears a beanie when it’s 80 degrees outside.
25. The guy whose Beats headphones are so loud you can hear them 300 feet away.
26. Anyone who uses campus as a venue to play “sports” that weren’t even cool when you were eight.
27. The extremely out of place middle-aged person wearing a backpack.
28. People who act like picking a drink at a vending machine is a crucial life decision.
29. Professional “fraternities” who beg you to join their loosely organized club.
30. The batch of nerds who, through some miraculous feat of science, are able to play N64 in the quad on a daily basis.
#23 We call that Humans vs. Virginity
12 years ago at 1:58 pmThis list is worse than that dumpster fire that killed my horse.
12 years ago at 2:03 pmThe gauntlet of student organizations urging you to take part in their asinine “campus bonding” events always prompts the “acting like you’re talking on the phone and don’t see them” maneuver.
12 years ago at 2:38 pmanyone that walks with “Swag” around campus.
12 years ago at 1:50 pmThe moo cow in the bottom tier sorority that honestly believes she is attractive.
12 years ago at 2:25 pmThis column should be retitled “Most of the People You Will Find Walking Around at the University of Florida.” But seriously, those nerds playing 4 square by the bell tower creeped me out when I was there for a visit.
12 years ago at 5:48 pmThe foreigners who like to negatively compare America to their home country, and say “where I am from is way better”
12 years ago at 10:15 am