31 Reasons to Stop Studying and Start Drinking
12 years ago

1. You live in the greatest country on the planet and it’s your right as an American citizen to do so.

2. No really, it’s your right to do so, according to the 21st Amendment, which repealed prohibition and was ratified on this date in history (12/5/1933). Go celebrate your damn freedom.

3. You’re already on Adderall, and it’s way more fun for partying.

4. You wouldn’t dare let someone else snag your go-to barstool for Happy Hour.

5. Calculating how many shots it takes you to black out is a hell of a lot more fun than calculating the grade you need on your final.

6. You can always just study hard for your next batch of finals.

7. You’re a freshman, and you have three whole years left to improve your GPA.

8. You’re a sophomore, and you have a really good passable fake ID.

9. You’re a junior, and you can actually legally drink now, so why the hell not?

10. You’re a senior, and you had better fucking go out with a bang.

11. You’re a super senior, and you had better go out with a bang again.

12. No one ever tells a college story later in life that starts with “Man, I was studying so hard for this final when…”

13. You don’t want to lose your tolerance and look like a bitch at all of the awkward high school Christmas break reunions.

14. The worst nights of drinking are worth more than the best nights of studying.

15. 90% of campus having mental breakdowns over finals means 90% shorter lines at the bars.

16. You can hit on all the wannabe Erin Andrews journalism girls who finished their exams last week.

17. There’s always someone else who is willing to pass up studying for some good old fashioned liver punishment.

18. Some of your friends are about to graduate, and you wouldn’t dare let them drink alone.

19. You have a bowl game road trip to plan, and it’s far more effective to plan debauchery on that scale with a glass of hard liquor in hand.

20. You could bust your ass to get that 98 to earn an A…or you can take the significantly more fun route and settle for that B.

21. If you don’t set your scholarly goals too high, you can never be disappointed.

22. A 30-rack of beer weighs about the same as your textbooks.

23. The exam probably won’t be as hard as the professor makes you think it is.

24. You only get so many exam weeks in college, might as well make this one less miserable than the others.

25. You don’t really need to spend an extra day studying, do you?

26. Kamikaze shots taste significantly better than your third 5-hour energy of the night will.

27. Graduating with honors means nothing more than having the word “cum” on your diploma.

28. You can always drink a little bit now and study later (or at least tell yourself you’re going to).

29. “Write drunk, edit sober.” -Ernest Hemingway. If it worked for him, it will probably work for your final papers.

30. Future employers would rather drink with you than hear about how well you did in school.

31. One (or two, or three) extra semesters of college never killed anybody.

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