33 New Year’s Resolutions For Your Chapter
10 years ago

33 New Year's Resolutions For Your Chapter

It’s 2015. New year, new opportunities. Here are 33 ways you can make your fraternal experience better this year:

  1. Don’t get put on probation.
  2. Raise a veritable fuck-ton of money for your philanthropy.
  3. Don’t piss off the alumni too much.
  4. Locate and recover all stolen composites.
  5. Get a big-name band to perform at the house.
  6. Take a chapter trip to New Orleans.
  7. Get a bouncy castle for at least one event.
  8. Convince your nationals that the bouncy castle was all in good fun.
  9. Learn more about your fraternity history and ritual.
  10. Throw a formal at a great venue.
  11. Create a ridiculous, year-long intra-house competition.
  12. Find out exactly how many beers are consumed in the house during the academic year.
  13. Visit your Alpha chapter.
  14. Find an awesome local community service opportunity and contribute.
  15. Throw a Hawaiian Shirts and Hula Skirts mixer.
  16. Have the pledges dig a moat around the house. Look into getting alligators for said moat.
  17. Take out a cargo shorts awareness ad in the school paper.
  18. Take home an intramural championship trophy — whether you win it or not.
  19. Build something obnoxiously large and put it in your front yard.
  20. Enroll your chapter’s most disgusting brother in your school’s Mr. Greek contest without his knowledge.
  21. Ensure your tailgates are the best on game day.
  22. Find out which professors on campus are alumni of your national fraternity.
  23. Have a [Your Fraternity] Versus Campus PD philanthropy softball game. It’s great PR.
  24. Throw a toga party.
  25. Volunteer to help a veterans’ organization.
  26. End your rivalry with another fraternity by thoroughly defeating it.
  27. Make an appearance at Greek Week.
  28. Throw the kind of parties that will make people regret not pledging.
  29. Find a local band that becomes your chapter’s Otis Day and the Knights.
  30. Throw a huge party that is also philanthropic in nature. It’s a win-win.
  31. Refer to all fifth year brothers as “Old Man ____.”
  32. Don’t get kicked off campus.
  33. Blame the pledges for all resolutions that aren’t met.
  2. Frock_Itch

    Your New Years resolution should have been to refrain from writing shitty lists like this.

    10 years ago at 11:45 am
    1. PleaseStopBallingMe

      If only there was a F*ru// where we could make up our own New Years Resolution for those at TFM…

      10 years ago at 11:58 am
  4. TheGremlin

    Bouncy houses are NF. Purdue kappa sig is just embarrassing themselves in the above picture

    10 years ago at 12:18 pm
      1. soldier_for_freedom

        Women in bouncy houses is a great thing. It’s like a trampoline but safer.

        10 years ago at 1:12 pm
      2. Grandview

        No not at all if you aren’t in sigma chi or Fiji you are irrelevant and you look like a try hard

        10 years ago at 2:08 pm
      5. Grandview

        By the way how’s your chapter bring too poor to stay on campus working out for ya SigepOB ?

        10 years ago at 3:47 pm
  5. Fratbropotomus

    These all seem positive, could it be that TFM’s new years resolution is to not be the bunch of fuck weasels we’ve come to know and hate? Nerds. Changing your ways NF.

    10 years ago at 12:19 pm
  6. CamBrady

    Here’s some New Years resolutions for TFM
    1) Bring back a certain part of the site that begins with F.
    2) Fire SFPL(who I hope to god wrote this shitty list and not you Blutarsky)
    3) No more sailboats (at least on cyber dust)
    4) Release fail Friday by 12(fuck you intern)
    5) Finally, ease up on the blackballing because honestly sometimes the comments are funnier than the articles.

    10 years ago at 12:24 pm
    2. thadcastle2

      90 percent of the time I usually just scroll right down to the comments, that’s usually where the funniest content is. #bringbacktheforum2015

      10 years ago at 10:12 am
  8. USArmy

    9a. Find the oldest living member of your fraternity and do something nice for him on his birthday.

    10 years ago at 12:49 pm
  10. GeedsAreRuiningAmerica

    #8: There’s no such thing as “nationals”, it’s always “national”. There’s only one for your fraternity.

    10 years ago at 1:24 pm