35 Bold Predictions For The 2016 College Football Season

Siblings of Mark Wahlberg9 years ago

1. Iowa, after winning their first 11 games in 2015, will win just 5 of their first 11 this season.
2. University of Arizona Head Coach Rich Rodriguez will lead the Wildcats to 8 wins, landing him right back in Morgantown, West Virginia. A break up that should have never happened is rectified.
3. Mark Stoops is finally put out of his misery in Lexington. Shortly thereafter, Big Game Bob puts the Stoops gang back together in Norman, Oklahoma.
4. Michigan, the program with the most wins in the history of college football, will win 12 total games for just the second time in the last century.
5. Will Muschamp will not fuck Dabo Swinney’s wife. He will, however, lead the Cocks to a bowl game in his first season as head coach.
6. Leonard Fournette will be the first running back selected in the top 3 overall NFL Draft picks since Trent Richardson. Their career trajectories, however, will not be similar.
7. These 8 coaches will be fired: Steve Addazio, Charlie Strong, Darrel Hazel, Mark Stoops, Jim Grobe, Dana Holgersen, Dave Doreen, and Dave Clawson.
8. Worst first season for a new head coach: Chris Ash, Rutgers. Weekly curb stompings of the Scarlett Knights.
9. Best first season for a new head coach: Kirby Smart, Georgia. The Dawgs, if they can keep Chubb healthy, are for real.
10. Ohio State will lose more games during the 2016 regular season than they have in the previous three years combined, starting with Oklahoma.
11. USC fans will question the Clay Helton hire after less than a half of the Alabama season opener. The questioning will remain through a tumultuous season.
12. Brady Hoke will improve the Oregon defense to a point of respectability. The offense, however, will falter as the Chip Kelly era fades further into history.
13. Florida will struggle all year to find a starting quarterback, losing more games after week 6 than they did all of last season.
14. Wisconsin will suffer the worst season since the early years of the Barry Alvarez era. Wisconsin will miss a bowl, and DeVry will owe me money.
15. Three of the five worst teams in all of Power 5 reside in the Big 10: Rutgers, Purdue, and Maryland.
16. Houston will not be the only non-Power 5 team to threaten the big conference dominated playoff, as Boise St. will flirt with a perfect regular season in a terrible MWC.
17. Nagging injuries and a down season for the Cardinal will prevent Christian McCaffrey from winning the Heisman Trophy, a travesty after last year’s snub.
18. After the best four-year run in school history, including a playoff appearance, two conference titles and a Rose Bowl win, Michigan State will win just 8 games in 2016.
19. The demise of Baylor is overstated, at least this season. In a weak Big 12, the Bears win 8 games in what some have predicted to be a near winless 2016.
20. Ole Miss, however, is in more trouble than most think. With a horrific schedule and the loss of more NFL talent than any team outside of Columbus, fan base concern over NCAA violations amidst “pay for play” scandals will only mount with each loss.
21. Nick Saban will again flirt with the University of Texas, which will only result in another raise for Slick Nick.
22. Lane Kiffin will get his third NCAA Power 5 Head Coaching job, and this time he won’t fuck it up. PURDUE, PLEASE LISTEN.
23. Cal will fade into total obscurity following the loss of #1 overall draft pick Jared Goff.
24. We will hear about both North Dakota State and a litany of unimpressive lower division quarterbacks this season, with endless comparisons to Carson Wentz.
25. FOX will finally present some semblance of a real challenge to the juggernaut that is ESPN. Having taken some of ESPN’s best talent (namely Chris Spielman, who is impossible not to like), Fox is trending up as ESPN cuts staff.
26. The “blue bloods” will win the major conferences this year: Alabama, Florida State, Michigan, Oklahoma, UCLA.
27. Texas will have coaches turning on each other like rats jumping off the Titanic by mid-season. Charlie Strong should be the next head coach of Purdue (unless they hire Lane Kiffin) or Indiana. The Big 10 suits him far better, as does lower expectations.
28. These four teams will make the college football playoff: Florida State, Alabama, Oklahoma, and Michigan. UCLA will have a conniption, and the rest of the world will send them Justin Timberlake’s “Cry Me a River” on repeat.
29. Boston College will win just one game against a Power 5 opponent en route to their worst season since pre-Flutie miracle.
30. Michigan will finish #1 in total defense under first-year coordinator Don Brown, just as his previous team, Boston College, did last season.
31. Kevin Sumlin will not be fired after an 8-win season at Texas A&M, but he will seriously consider leaving for Stanford.
32. David Shaw will accept an NFL head coaching position, continuing his career path of mirroring that of Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh.
33. Art Briles will inexplicably secure a Power 5 head coaching position following the 2016 season. My money is on Kentucky, as they don’t care about the character of their coaches.
34. Ohio State running back Mike Weber will emerge as one of the nation’s best overall players after recovering faster than expected from a season ending injury in 2015.
35. Mark Richt will win more games in his first season at Miami than predecessor Al Golden did in any year of his tenure..

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