38 Reasons Every Guy Should Date A Sorority Girl

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1. They’ve already got an amazing group of sisters. You’ll never feel like you’re the only thing in her life.

2. Two words: date functions.

3. She’ll help you fool your parents into thinking that you’re a functioning member of society.

4. When you screw up, there’s an entire house full of girls with ideas on how to fix it.

5. She won’t get (as) jealous when your house has a party with another sorority.

6. She’s just as excited for football season as you are.

7. Your shirts might not fit her correctly, but she’ll look damn good in them.

8. She’s the best thing that could ever happen to your t-shirt collection.

9. They might be freaks in the bedroom, but they’re still the classiest on campus.

10. They’re experts at putting up with you when you’re blackout drunk.

11. They’ll keep your pledges sane by being one of the few nice people in their lives.

12. She’s a perfect excuse to get randomly drunk off cheap gas station wine.

13. Friday brunch at a sorority house is one of nature’s greatest hangover cures.

14. She has over 100 girls to tell her if her dress makes her “look fat,” so she’ll never ask you.

15. There are few joys in the world greater than the shitshow that is a sorority formal.

16. You can learn firsthand just how terrible sorority rush is compared to ours.

17. She’ll be the best wingman your brothers could possibly have.

18. You’ll always have an excuse to eat at the nicer restaurants around town.

19. She won’t ask questions when you tell her you have a “brotherhood event” that night.

20. Your brothers will probably love her, mainly due to the hot friends she brings around.

21. They always know the key to your heart: cheap beer and whiskey.

22. If she blacks out, you’re guaranteed to have at least 25 sisters helping you take care of her.

23. She survived sorority rush; she’s the perfect person to get you out of any awkward situation.

24. You won’t be afraid to introduce her to your mother.

25. Sloppy drunken sex at the end of the night isn’t a goal. It’s an expectation.

26. You love the exact same bars for the exact same reasons.

27. She might take forever to get ready, but you know if push came to shove she could look perfect in 15 minutes.

28. Between your combined test banks there’s no way she won’t boost your GPA.

29. Chances are your friends are already close with hers.

30. She might not send you rush boobs, but she’ll be happy to find you a stand in.

31. After experiencing a night sleeping at your fraternity house she’ll never complain about your dirty room again.

32. She understands how much time and effort go into painting a cooler and won’t beg you to throw away the one your ex made you.

33. But she’ll be determined to make you a cooler that’s even better.

34. She can be friends with the girlfriends from other sororities (or at least pretend that she is).

35. You can count on her fear of standards to keep her from doing anything embarrassing on your date functions.

36. She planned her big/little reveal, so she’s obviously a pro at planning surprises for you.

37. She doesn’t want your mom to think you live in a pig sty, so she’ll gladly help you speed clean before parent weekend.

38. She’ll be a pain in the ass about getting your shit together, but you’ll end up a better man because of it.

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  1. The White Cross

    Have you ever had sex? Let alone a girlfriend? Most likely not with your 7th grade boy haircut.

    11 years ago at 5:03 pm
  2. PledgeMaster12

    I don’t think No. 4 is true at all. In fact, I’m sure the opposite happens.

    11 years ago at 5:17 pm
    1. aa1245

      It would be a better column if it was “38 Reasons Bacon Should Go on a Date with Allison.”

      11 years ago at 5:50 pm
  3. sigmahighguy

    4. When you fuck up, there’s a house full of girls that think you raped and killed a puppy by the way your girlfriend tells them the story.

    11 years ago at 5:34 pm