38 Reasons Every Guy Should Date A Sorority Girl
11 years ago

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1. They’ve already got an amazing group of sisters. You’ll never feel like you’re the only thing in her life.

2. Two words: date functions.

3. She’ll help you fool your parents into thinking that you’re a functioning member of society.

4. When you screw up, there’s an entire house full of girls with ideas on how to fix it.

5. She won’t get (as) jealous when your house has a party with another sorority.

6. She’s just as excited for football season as you are.

7. Your shirts might not fit her correctly, but she’ll look damn good in them.

8. She’s the best thing that could ever happen to your t-shirt collection.

9. They might be freaks in the bedroom, but they’re still the classiest on campus.

10. They’re experts at putting up with you when you’re blackout drunk.

11. They’ll keep your pledges sane by being one of the few nice people in their lives.

12. She’s a perfect excuse to get randomly drunk off cheap gas station wine.

13. Friday brunch at a sorority house is one of nature’s greatest hangover cures.

14. She has over 100 girls to tell her if her dress makes her “look fat,” so she’ll never ask you.

15. There are few joys in the world greater than the shitshow that is a sorority formal.

16. You can learn firsthand just how terrible sorority rush is compared to ours.

17. She’ll be the best wingman your brothers could possibly have.

18. You’ll always have an excuse to eat at the nicer restaurants around town.

19. She won’t ask questions when you tell her you have a “brotherhood event” that night.

20. Your brothers will probably love her, mainly due to the hot friends she brings around.

21. They always know the key to your heart: cheap beer and whiskey.

22. If she blacks out, you’re guaranteed to have at least 25 sisters helping you take care of her.

23. She survived sorority rush; she’s the perfect person to get you out of any awkward situation.

24. You won’t be afraid to introduce her to your mother.

25. Sloppy drunken sex at the end of the night isn’t a goal. It’s an expectation.

26. You love the exact same bars for the exact same reasons.

27. She might take forever to get ready, but you know if push came to shove she could look perfect in 15 minutes.

28. Between your combined test banks there’s no way she won’t boost your GPA.

29. Chances are your friends are already close with hers.

30. She might not send you rush boobs, but she’ll be happy to find you a stand in.

31. After experiencing a night sleeping at your fraternity house she’ll never complain about your dirty room again.

32. She understands how much time and effort go into painting a cooler and won’t beg you to throw away the one your ex made you.

33. But she’ll be determined to make you a cooler that’s even better.

34. She can be friends with the girlfriends from other sororities (or at least pretend that she is).

35. You can count on her fear of standards to keep her from doing anything embarrassing on your date functions.

36. She planned her big/little reveal, so she’s obviously a pro at planning surprises for you.

37. She doesn’t want your mom to think you live in a pig sty, so she’ll gladly help you speed clean before parent weekend.

38. She’ll be a pain in the ass about getting your shit together, but you’ll end up a better man because of it.

***

  3. BlutoPDT

    You must have some serious connections for them to keep you on the staff. Your columns are the only part about this website i hate.

    11 years ago at 12:10 am
  6. hotslut267

    38 Reasons Every Girl Should NOT Date a Fraternity BOY

    1. He can’t handle your attention and he’s way too afraid of commitment.
    2. Date functions. Who wants to be embarrassed by their drunken slob of a boyfriend?
    3. He’s not a functioning member of society.
    4. He screws up and there’s an entire house of boys with ideas on how to hide it
    5. He thinks that his house having a party with another sorority is justifiable cause for not seeing you. (Sorry babe, too many other girls here. I’ll see you later) hah. Okay.
    6. ….Football season. (which, okay, can be fun, but I like to do more on my weekends than just get drunk and eat hot dogs)
    7. He expects you to wear his smelly ass shirts and look good in them
    8. So. Many. Tshirts
    9. He likes to do weird shit in the bedroom. Fine. But he’ll talk about it.
    10. He gets black out drunk…. A lot
    11. WHO WANTS TO HAVE TO BEFRIEND SOME FRAT’S PLEDGES?
    12. He thinks cheap gas station wine is acceptable. LOL NO
    13. He’s literally going to be hung-over every Friday morning. And be proud of it
    14. He doesn’t care about your appearance… as long as it’s “hot” and “flawless” ALWAYS. Hope you work for M.A.C. (he has no idea what that is. Expect cheap gas station wine as presents)
    15. He thinks “shitshows” are fun to be a part of
    16. If you don’t worship his penis as a deity, it won’t last long. (he probably doesn’t know what a deity is)
    17. You know how crappy his friends are and he STILL expects you to hook his homies up
    18. He needs an excuse to enjoy good food (but apparently gas station wine is acceptable)
    19. They frequent strip clubs… together.
    20. Why is this guy so into helping his bros get laid?
    21. He doesn’t even have high standards for the alcohol (which he drinks in excess) cheap beer and whiskey? Count me WAAAYYY out. Craft beers and fine wine for this WOMAN.
    22. He can’t even take care of you when you need him the most. (WHEN YOURE VULNERABLE)
    23. He finds himself in awkward situations and doesn’t have the social graces to figure them out. YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO SHOW HIM.
    24. The umbilical cord is still attached and he wants it to attach TO YOU. TAKE CARE OF THIS WOMANS GROWN INFANT HE CANT SURVIVE ALONE
    25. Sloppy. Drunk. Sex. EVERY NIGHT. Ugh. Just hope he didn’t have too much cheap whiskey to end up with whiskey dick. Completely satisfying (said no girl ever)
    26. He likes crappy bars with cheap drinks…. Because he’s in college and the rest of your college is probably there anyway.
    27. BETTER BE ABLE TO LOOK PERFECT IN 15 MINUTES. This includes hassling till youre out the door. FUN.
    28. He’d flunk out of college if it weren’t for his test banks. And he still wants yours.
    29. Too close for comfort. Not trying to date an orgy.
    30. He uses phrases like “rush boobs”
    31. He’s a fucking pig living in a sty
    32. He has emotional ties to coolers his ex made him. And he’s not getting rid of it
    33. He wants another goddamn cooler. IF YOUR BEER IS SO CHEAP WHO CARES IF ITS COLD ITS PISS WATER EITHER WAY
    34. You have to befriend his brother’s girlfriends. Or else.
    35. He expects you to have impeccably high standards (except when it comes to men and gas station wine). He also gets embarrassed easily.
    36. He wants you to throw him surprises. And no, he won’t throw you any.
    37. He wants you to clean for him because Her Greatness (his mother) is coming
    38. He doesn’t have his shit together. Wow that alone sounds fun. SIKE.

    11 years ago at 1:18 am
    4. Count__Fratula

      …. as you nod your head, hand hotslut267 a drink, and lead her back to your house to bang.

      11 years ago at 2:25 pm
    7. 190fucks4

      hotslut267 can have fun with her geed model boyfriend who is a clinger when shes around, but in reality will cheat on her on the reg and divorce her by the time shes 35

      11 years ago at 7:24 pm
    8. WellsFargo

      You have mental problems. Or horrible taste in fraternity men. Or both. Or Daddy issues.

      11 years ago at 1:47 pm
  8. thiswebsitesucks

    He makes lists, you fucks. You opened this fucking column knowing that SFPL wrote it, and what does he write..LISTS. All you guys look for is something to bitch about. By the way I date a sorority girl and I have to say this list is shit and half of it isn’t true.

    11 years ago at 11:47 am
    1. Carlos Spicyweiner

      SWEET BABY JOHNNY FOOTBALL IN A MANGER. A SORORITY GIRL?! HOW DID YOU PULL THAT OFF??

      11 years ago at 1:13 pm