5 NFL Picks That’ll Help Pay For Your JUUL Pods
Last week I went 5-0. Again. I am 10-0 in my last ten picks and now 28-15 with my NFL picks on the season. I’m on a hearter and there is nobody to blame but yourself if missed out on this free money train. Look at this dude below. He parlayed all of my picks and made $460.
After these picks hit, you will have enough money to buy a JUUL, and join myself and the rest of the country in becoming hardcore nicotine addicts. Trust me, it’s fun. Let’s get into it.
All lines via MyBookie.ag. Hit them up for all your gambling needs.
Jets Vs. Buccaneers – Under 44
This game is laughably bad. The Bucs are completely depleted and the Jets are the questionable leftovers that have been sitting in the fridge for the last week or so. I’m predicting around 30 points scored total in this game. Lock it in, and swallow the key.
Saints Vs. Bills – Bills +3
The Saints are on a 6 game win streak, and this week it snaps like Gordon Hayward’s leg on opening night. Bills +3 is the play, and if you’re feeling it sprinkle some money on their ML.
Chargers Vs. Jaguars – Jaguars -3
The Jags and I have a history together. This week I love them (I think). The Chargers don’t travel well, and the Jags defense has only given up 7 points in their last two games. Lenny Fournette is back this week, and I expect him to smash Charger defenders in the face like Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington in Stranger Things Season 2.
Patriots Vs. Broncos – Patriots -7
Patriots -7 is my new favorite line. The Broncos just got flattened by the Eagles, and the Pats are about to rinse and repeat.
Packers Vs. Bears – Packers +6
This game is going to be a classic, cold, NFC North slugfest, and I’m hype for it. This game will be decided by minimal points, so I’m all over the Packers +6. Watch it, and send it.
Lock in these picks and buy a JUUL, or don’t and be a fucking squid. Either way, the train is rolling and you should get on while it’s hot. As always, hit me up on Twitter @ConesDeal to discuss, call me a fuck, or keep up with my bets..
Image via Shutterstock
NFL is now NF
7 years ago at 3:37 pmLet’s make thevaginator dance a little bit: Hey, thevaginator, you’re just a loser geed without a life, sitting in front of a computer screen. Now let’s watch the little geed dance. The dance starts when thevaginator finds this comment. To do that, he must read every comment on every article on this website. That right there marks him as a Loser of Epic Proportions. Step Two, he will downvote my comment because he hasn’t figured out that no one cares about the votes anymore (press the Lap button NOW, pussy). Then he will make one of the same asinine comments that he always makes. Let’s vote on which one he will make:
7 years ago at 1:13 amA. How much real estate do I own in your head
B. If you come to Knoxville I will knock your teeth in
C. You are poor and will work for me someday
D. Swing and a miss champ
E. All of the above
OK, geed, start dancing.
So I figured out why that ksig pussy has been chirping my name so much recently. Turns out he’s into this KD I fucked a couple times last month and it looks like he just found out. From what she told me she friend zoned him because he was a stage 5 clinger and it was starting to freak her out. I feel bad for the kid honestly. If i got my ass beat as bad as he did and then found out that same guy fucked the girl I liked I’d be pretty pissed too.
7 years ago at 1:33 amWhoops meant to just post that as a separate comment…well this is awkward
7 years ago at 1:34 amHonestly it wasn’t anything personal little man. Just a crazy, and kind of funny (at least for me), coincidence
7 years ago at 1:36 amlol
7 years ago at 1:44 amGuess it was funny for you too? Not sure how finding out that the guy who beat your ass now fucked the girl you like is funny but who am I to judge.
7 years ago at 2:30 amI think he was laughing at the absurdity of your suggestion that you don’t fuck men exclusively, guy.
7 years ago at 1:03 amLOL. That was me laughing at the thought of you ever having the balls to say some of that shit to my face. I should know better. Fucking pussy.
7 years ago at 12:23 pmOuch on Saints v. Bills
7 years ago at 3:26 amOuch in being a virgin
7 years ago at 6:22 am*on. Give us a fucking edit button. I’m doing all I can to keep this dumpster fire afloat but I can’t do everything.
7 years ago at 6:32 am