50 Things Only Rich People Can Get Away With

GSElevator10 years ago

It’s been said that, “If you’re poor and you do something stupid, you’re nuts. If you’re rich and do something stupid, you’re eccentric.” There are of course numerous derivatives of this quotation that convey a similar sentiment. More recently, Twitter’s @Dory put it, “Fifty Shades of Grey is only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer, it would be a Criminal Minds episode.”

The inimitable Adam Carolla also has a great bit (and a fun book) on what rich people and poor people have in common – from spending evenings by the fire and having an outdoor shower to not carrying a wallet and having four cars in the driveway.

A recent Reddit thread evolved Carolla’s idea beyond not only what rich people and poor people have in common, to what behaviors are regarded as socially acceptable only if you have money. So I decided to pick my favorites and add some of my own.

Here are 50 things only rich people can get away with:

1. Day drinking
2. Inbreeding
3. Eating cheese by itself
4. Stealing money
5. Face fucking a dead pig (à la David Cameron)
6. Paying cash
7. Riding your bike to work
8. Eating pigeons and rabbits
9. Repurposed wood furniture
10. Being a minority in Connecticut
11. Stubble beards
12. Wearing animal print
13. Letting other people pay for dinner
14. Living in Florida
15. Yard games
16. Drinking from mason jars
17. Going to rehab
18. Hookers
19. Having a bunch of kids
20. Taxidermy
21. Getting someone else to drive you around
22. Gambling
23. Moving to a foreign country (One’s an expat; the other is a migrant)
24. Cocaine
25. Not knowing how to use the internet (à la Lindsey Graham)
26. A really long driveway
27. Cheating on a spouse
28. Owning a horse
29. Old cars
30. Wearing ragged clothes
31. Taking financial handouts from the government
32. Alcoholism
33. Having a tan
34. Nepotism (affirmative action for the rich)
35. A criminal record
36. Living in a hotel
37. PBR
38. Going to the racetrack
39. Drinking on a boat
40. The dad bod
41. Naming your daughter Mercedes or Porsche
42. A vegetable garden and a chicken coup in the backyard
43. Getting married at home
44. Dating someone half your age
45. VCRs (If you’ve ever stayed in an old rich guy’s guest house, you know what I’m talking about)
46. Adult children who still live at home
47. Orgies
48. Having a pool and a pond in the backyard
49. Letting someone else raise your kids
50. Bankruptcy