50 Ways To Stay Frat This Summer
1. Float trip.
2. Make your little brother your own personal pledge.
3. Get kicked out of a hometown bar by a former high school classmate.
4. Road trip to a city you’ve never been, drink to excess, make that city wish you never came.
5. Catch up on old Clint Eastwood and John Wayne movies.
6. Never have the knees covered.
7. It’s okay to slam hot hometown girls, even if they are GDI.
8. Never have the cooler out of reach.
9. Day drink often, summer classes aren’t an excuse to not day drink.
10. Lower your handicap.
11. Lower your standards. We all have to make sacrifices over the summer.
12. Post tons of pics from the 4th of July on people’s Facebook walls that are studying abroad.
13. If you’re studying abroad, celebrate the 4th of July to extreme excess. Asserting American dominance overseas is crucial.
14. Wear a shirt as little as possible.
15. Show up for the internship drunk, just like you do for class.
16. Get rung up at the liquor store by a former high school classmate. Act like you have no idea who they are.
17. Teach the frathound a new trick or two.
18. Enjoy a few beers with the old man. He deserves it.
19. Heckle the shit out of your least favorite baseball player.
20. Buy booze for the future fratstars of the neighborhood. But only the ones you would give a bid to.
21. Stock up on the fratwear.
22. Keep up with politics. We got a hell of an election coming up.
23. Scope out potential slams at the little sibling’s High School graduation.
24. College night at the ballpark. Tailgate like it’s a football Saturday.
25. Play around in the stock market if you haven’t already. It’s a buyer’s market.
26. Make an agreement with your hometown taxi company to start billing you.
27. Try a new beer every day.
28. Spend the night at the country club.
29. Refer to the cart cleaner as pledge.
30. Summer = Seersucker
31. Casual sex with the ex.
32. Grill everything.
33. Pregame for the 4th of July.
34. Recover from the 4th of July.
35. Lake Time.
36. Beer League Softball.
37. See if there are any new slams at your dad’s office.
38. Make sure your mom is teaching your little sister to cook.
39. For the sake of nostalgia, try to sneak a random slam up to the room without the parents finding out. If they do, oh well.
40. Don’t play any fucking video games unless it’s N64 or earlier.
41. Make sure everybody at the hometown bar knows you’re in a fraternity, even if they’ve never met you.
42. Get hammered at a high school baseball game.
43. Still in your college town = still in college. Lucky you.
44. Plan the football away game trips.
45. It’s okay to drink just because you’re bored.
46. Dream up new creative hazing techniques for the next Hell Week.
47. Spend no more than one day in depression over the fact that you are one year closer to graduating.
48. Have a couple casual beers on a patio for lunch. Don’t leave ’til the AM.
49. Convince a pledge to come sober drive you from a different zip code.
50. Kick off the summer the right way, go to TFM’s Day Rage. Tickets here.
(Huge thanks to my Twitter followers for helping me out with a few of these).
Follow me on Twitter @MizzouFratboy
Check out all the clever and shitty suggestions I received at #waystostayfrattythissummer
Number 12
12 years ago at 2:31 pmhalf of these things would make you sound like a huge fucking douche. “Make sure everyone in your hometown bar knows you’re in a fraternity” that would be a reason to make me fucking hate you, regardless of what fraternity
12 years ago at 6:06 pmBacon is in Alpha Phi Alpha. He is one of them knee grow type folks.
12 years ago at 8:56 pmHey check this out ^ V
12 years ago at 10:00 pmBarack Obama is such a fucking weasel, anyone with half a brain stem can clearly see that he’s only backing gay marriage to get votes from homo’s and not because he actually believes in it. A socialist agenda has no time for integrity and that is one of the many reason that it isn’t for America. Also Fox News is FaF.
12 years ago at 6:20 am^ Daily Caller and Drudge^ Can’t handle any cable news anymore.
12 years ago at 7:07 amderka
12 years ago at 8:42 am51. Do everything in your power to make sure Romney wins.
12 years ago at 2:32 pm^ This.
12 years ago at 2:33 pm^^ Fucking this. I’m spending at least part of the summer volunteering for the Romney campaign. A second Obama term will lead to more pussy liberalification of society and restrictions on our lifestyle. All fraternity men have a responsibility to make sure we get a Republican back in office – for ourselves, for future brothers, for God, and for America.
12 years ago at 2:48 pm^cool story bro
12 years ago at 2:50 pm^^
12 years ago at 2:50 pmIndeed, quite the cool story.
12 years ago at 2:51 pmA second Obama term will be the end of America.
12 years ago at 4:15 pmRomney is spineless. Hes also a coward. I’ll give him a snowballs chance in hell of making it to the whitehouse.
12 years ago at 4:48 pmA second Obama term will be the end of America? Good to see rationality dictates the TFM Comments section. This is the United States of America, dammit. No man can bring down the greatest country on Earth, you reactionary pinko zealots.
Ryan/Huntsman 2016
12 years ago at 4:55 pmHuntsman has no shot, are you retarded? Voting for him will only take away votes from your other beloved candidate Romney- oh wait, he has not shot anyway, go ahead and vote Huntsman.. and then just take… lap after lap after lap.
12 years ago at 4:58 pmRomney won’t beat Obama if he wins the republican nomination, which at this point is not secured as more news is coming up that Ron Paul supporters are being named the delegates. Ron Paul 2012
12 years ago at 5:18 pm^ I hope you’re taking lap after lap because he was referring to Huntsman 2016 not 2012.
12 years ago at 5:20 pm^^Ron Paul has no shot either, he is about to keel over and die anyday now. You all just need to realize that again, the Republicans will be losing. Ya know, this isn’t 2001, when Bush cheated his way into office. Get ready for four more years of Democrat leadership.
12 years ago at 5:30 pmShut the fuck up and go bathe in battery acid.
12 years ago at 7:01 pm“Ryan/Huntsman 2016.” As is Paul Ryan on top of the ticket, and Huntsman as the veep, in the year 2016, not 2012.
Reading’s fun.
12 years ago at 5:53 pmFucking this. I mean, Jesus, look at my name. A Huntsman-Ryan 2016 ticket makes so much sense it’s retarded. Solid conservative credentials, real governing experience, and far better potential for mainstream/bipartisan appeal than any other candidates. Well, maybe not mainstream appeal for Ryan, but hey, someone’s gotta make the tough calls. Huntsman on the other hand is pure gold as a candidate and if he doesn’t run in 2016 he had better at least get Secretary of State.
12 years ago at 5:55 pm^ And yes, I did switch Huntsman and Ryan on the ticket. My personal preference.
12 years ago at 5:56 pmHillary is the bet secretary of state we have, that is not changing anytime soon.^
12 years ago at 6:21 pm*best
12 years ago at 6:29 pm^^Look, your little arrow is actually pointing to your spelling mistake, almost like you’re trying to let everybody know you are an uneducated asshole who doesn’t know anything about American politics.
12 years ago at 5:52 amJohnson 2012
12 years ago at 10:18 amGeorge Bush being the family fuck up, and then Americas fuck up. TFM.
12 years ago at 10:38 amLiberals…the lower form
12 years ago at 12:36 pmNothing says I believe in America, like having a Swiss bank account. Fuck Romney.
12 years ago at 1:01 pmPierce Bush 2032
12 years ago at 1:43 pmRestrictions on our lifestyle? I’m not for Obama, but no 18-20 year olds drinking, no prostitutes, no drugs, I think our lifestyle is already pretty restricted.
12 years ago at 1:56 pmyou want more restriction? Vote Romney and then next time you forget to wrap up and need to drive to CVS with your girlfriend for the morning after pill it won’t be there.
12 years ago at 2:21 pm^Or you could just leave her and never talk to her again, then its her problem now.
12 years ago at 3:41 pm^^^^^^^ Yes, count the arrows. Fuck you Stu. George W Bush is a fucking American War Hero. Frat on, Mr. President.
12 years ago at 12:29 amExcept for “Mission Accomplished.”
Funny to see how many fuckwads on here think they know politics.
12 years ago at 10:57 am^^how the fuck is bush a war hero? his daddy made sure he would never have to see combat and placed him at a defunct air base in alabama, he never even went overseas. He is a pussy.
12 years ago at 11:58 am^This.
12 years ago at 12:05 pm51) Tapout shirts, aeropostale, and Tapout shirts
12 years ago at 2:32 pmYou’re troll is showing. Tuck it in.
12 years ago at 2:35 pm*your go back to school knee-grow
12 years ago at 2:36 pmShucks mistuh, you gots me. Ima headin back to the learnin room.
12 years ago at 2:40 pmI get a ragging boner when I think of TapOut shirts.
12 years ago at 9:01 pm#49. Zip code? I think you mean area code
12 years ago at 2:34 pmArea code? I think you mean zip code
12 years ago at 2:35 pmThink code? I zip you mean area code
12 years ago at 2:39 pmArea code? I think you mean zip code
12 years ago at 2:50 pmThink code? I mean you zip area code
12 years ago at 3:09 pmchode? I think you mean zip area
12 years ago at 3:32 pm^winner
12 years ago at 6:13 pmHaving hoes in different area codes. TLudaM.
12 years ago at 6:50 pmI like to slowly rub my penis up and down the nice warm and super hard big penis of a muscular knee grow. Then blow my load on the small of his back, pay him his two dollars and be on my way.
12 years ago at 9:03 pmTsuperwayneM
^ TtryhardM
12 years ago at 2:31 amNumber 4 sounds like a good time.
12 years ago at 2:36 pm52. Rush Seniors from your High school, itll just make it easier in the fall
12 years ago at 2:39 pmI 100% got the summer rush from a buddy after my junior year and I would have been a solid few weeks behind without it.
12 years ago at 3:10 pm^ Your fraternity sounds very top-tier.
12 years ago at 3:38 pmYeah, I’ll admit it. I’m not in one of the top two at my school. But i’m sure as hell not in the bottom. Shit, as far as i know I could be though.
12 years ago at 3:53 pm^ You are a moron.
12 years ago at 4:12 pmhanging out with high-schoolers. TFM
12 years ago at 4:56 pmGetting the entire pledge class before formal rush. TFM.
12 years ago at 9:02 am^ An alumni in charge of the Admission Department. TFM
12 years ago at 9:08 pmTea Party = NF. Go hang yourself
12 years ago at 10:58 am^ F@ggot move to San Francisco. Learn to cut spending.
12 years ago at 3:10 pmI’m in Paris right now. follow me bitches @NitroSHazelton
12 years ago at 2:43 pmSweet bro, I always wanted to find out about Paris and the French culture
12 years ago at 3:09 pmFrance and their newly elected socialist president
12 years ago at 4:10 pmThey’re pussies.
12 years ago at 4:43 pmNitro Hazelton must be a liberal
12 years ago at 6:48 pmI don’t know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
12 years ago at 10:39 pm^ Fucking Aspen…
12 years ago at 10:58 pmfuck the french. Merica’
12 years ago at 12:55 pmobligatory comeback about how y’all are poor and can’t afford to visit other countries.
12 years ago at 1:34 amNothing about watching America kick some serious ass in the summer Olympics?
12 years ago at 2:46 pm^exactly
12 years ago at 2:54 pmDropped the ball Mizzu.
Olympics are the only time I might give half a fuck about women’s sports.
12 years ago at 3:09 pmFucking up everyone else in the Olympics in every possible event to reaffirm who’s boss. TAmericaM. USA!
*Mizzou
12 years ago at 3:12 pm^
12 years ago at 3:19 pm^^^ Never giving a fuck about women’s sports, no matter how good the USA might be good at it.
12 years ago at 3:39 pmOh bullshit! At the first glimpse of Women’s Beach Volleyball, you will first jack off, and then you come (pun intended) on TFM to post about how Kerri Walsh was your milf slam piece after Beijing.
12 years ago at 9:03 pmIf I want to rub one out I’ll watch porn. I give zero fucks about some tit-less amazon beast that plays women’s volleyball.
12 years ago at 10:14 am^This fucking guy. How ever, i support the country, a gold is a gold. Not going to watch the girls play unless there literally isnt anything else on. In which alot of new drinking games will be created.
12 years ago at 10:41 am^There are such a multitude of grammatical errors here, I don’t even know where to begin. Laps.
12 years ago at 11:58 amAny predictions on what the knee-grows will do if Romney wins?
12 years ago at 2:52 pmjail
12 years ago at 3:07 pmget a job
12 years ago at 3:12 pmGive zero fucks that Obama lost.
12 years ago at 3:20 pmHopefully they’ll shut the fuck up and fall in line again.
12 years ago at 3:40 pmShower?
12 years ago at 4:47 pmnot having to worry about that possibility. FaF
12 years ago at 5:17 pmSit on the porch of their duplex and drink olde english
12 years ago at 6:04 pmstill be darky and worthless
12 years ago at 7:38 pmThey wont understand exactly what “new president” means and will smoke another rock. Also, Every comment above me is spot on.
12 years ago at 10:10 pm^^
12 years ago at 10:27 pmIt must suck to live in a place where you can’t fish.
12 years ago at 2:54 pm^This
12 years ago at 3:07 pm^^That
12 years ago at 4:28 pmBoth of these^ ^^
12 years ago at 5:49 pm