The 6 Brothers Every Pledge Will Never Forget

A Broad a semester8 years ago

When you’re a freshmen pledge, you see the antics of the brothers and realize that the world is truly your oyster. Let’s take a look at some of those key players and how they shape the pledges.

The President

It’s mind blowing that someone living this lifestyle can have his life so well put together. This suave son of a bitch is a member of multiple on-campus groups, always shows his face at the bars, and maintains a smokeshow girlfriend. He’s mastered public speaking with a degree of skill that would make Mussolini (no bid) take notes. You know from the moment he gives you that first speech in the basement that he’ll be crushing best man speeches and sleeping with bridesmaids for years to come. Plenty of people model themselves after him with no plans of living up to it.

The Pledge Master

Remember when you broke that window in third grade and saw your dad walking down the hall towards you with a belt in his hands? That’s the feeling you get every time you make direct eye contact with the pledge master. His ability to run a totalitarian regime with your every waking thought as his subjects is his natural-born gift. He forces you to be accountable for every aspect of your life and molds you into a guy that can put on his own big boy pants.

The Enforcer

I don’t care if he’s a fifth year, it shouldn’t be possible for someone in college to be this massive. This psycho has nothing but hatred and fire burning behind his eyes for anyone that isn’t in your chapter. Any time a problem arises, you don’t even need to call — he’ll already be there. You throw him on the basketball team strictly for his violence in the post, and he’s a combination of both the Mighty Ducks Bash Brothers while on and off the ice. He reminds you to never forget that there are consequences for the things we do and say in this world, and someone ready to dole them out.

The Wild Card

The dude is bananas. No one can understand how such incredibly well-adjusted parents produced this character. He pioneered the 9 before 9 in your chapter, he gets away with wearing a Hawaiian shirt to black tie affairs, and his standard shenanigans are featured in strangers’ snapchats every day. Girls roll the dice on him and it’s always a mistake, but he doesn’t care if he goes home alone or not. This guy is your shot to see what life would be like if you didn’t care about anything, your own physical wellbeing included.

The Tryhard

This guy will stand up during chapter to speak, and on cue the entire chapter will reign down “boos” upon him. The tryhard is everything you don’t want to be when you get older. You’ll spot him scaring girls away from across the room every weekend in 3″ inseam shorts and a pastel polo. He can’t help but pitch terrible ideas in any situation that arises, regardless of the fact that no one wants his opinion. Pledges don’t want to watch how fast you can chug a beer, guy. You’ll make it a point to never be like him.

The Risk Manager

Have you ever seen a human being explode from stress? You might. The risk manager is a walking time bomb, assigned to wrangling a veritable horde of insane/constantly drunk guys for a year. I’ve never been so certain that someone was developing stress hemorrhoids. While this guy seems like a wet blanket, he’s actually doing a lot to keep you alive and the fraternity afloat. If you look long enough, you’ll realize that he’s your safety net, and that without someone else cleaning up your mistakes you have to do it yourself.

Your contemporaries are waiting in the wings to fill these roles, but they will never feel quite the same as those guys you saw when you were a pledge. I left out plenty of influential roles, so let me know about those clowns you saw when you were a pledge who shaped you..