6 Tips On How To Pick Up Girls
So it’s a Friday night, you’re out with your boys at a bar. There’s some music blasting, you’ve had a few beers, and you’re feeling pretty damn wild. And there’s only one thing on your mind.
You go wanna go pick up some chicks.
But maybe you’re new to picking up girls. Maybe you’re a little shy and you don’t know the right way to approach the ladies. Do you need help picking up girls? Well, don’t you worry, because I’m here to help.
Listen closely and take some notes, fellas. Here are some tips on picking up girls.
Make Sure She Wants TO Be Picked Up
You can’t just walk up to a girl and pick her up without her explicit consent. That’d be creepy as fuck! You gotta make sure she’s okay with it. She has to specifically tell you that she’s okay with you picking her up.
Make Sure You Don’t Drop Her
If you use your arms to pick up a girl, you could severely injure her if you drop her on the ground. Grip tightly when you use your hands to lift her into the air. If you drop her on the floor, she could land in a position that could break a bone or even give her a concussion. You gotta make sure nobody gets hurt. Stay safe.
Make Sure She’s Not Too Heavy
I don’t want to sound mean spirited or insensitive, but if a girl weighs too much it’s going to be extra difficult to pick her up. Know your limits. 115-140 pounds is ideal, but it differs from guy to guy, based on YOUR weight and your muscle tone. Make sure you don’t test your limits.
Make Sure You Work Out Enough
If you never hit the gym, don’t try to pick up girls. If you never lift weights, don’t try to pick up girls. You don’t want to take the risk. You need to make sure you’re strong and muscular enough. Otherwise, you might pull a muscle or hurt your back. Know how strong you are and be honest with yourself about how much you can lift.
Make Sure Everyone Is Looking So They Can See How Strong You Are
This is an obvious one. There’s no use in picking up chicks unless there’s a large group of people near you, so you can show off your strength to everyone in the room. Assert your dominance and prove how fit you are. Make sure there are at least a dozen people at the bar, so they can marvel at your physical strength.
Midgets Are Ideal
There are several different types of dwarfism, all slightly different, which is why some little people have really big heads and some of them have heads that are proportionate to their body. But overall, all types of these conditions are rare. So if you ever DO see a midget girl in a bar, choose her. She’s gonna be super light, 60-70 pounds at the VERY most. Midget girls are the easiest girls to pick up. Any time you see a midget girl in a bar on a weekend, go for it, you’ve got a 100% chance at succeeding..
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I read the title and Wally and immediately knew that this would be the exact content of the article. Or lack thereof.
Wally, as you are aware (or perhaps not), the hatred for you runs deep and wide. Your articles have continued to devolve quickly and unabashedly from an already low starting point.
Look, I get it. The whole point of you, as somebody else pointed out recently, is to drive traffic to the ruthless and often hilarious comments section. But for everybody’s sake and sanity, please make it just a little less easy to despise you. I’ve been here longer than I care to admit, and it’s stuff like this that makes me die a little inside every time I open the app.
9 years ago at 1:58 pmThe worst part is you will somehow get shittier next time. Every article finds a way to top the last, do yourself, and the rest of us, a favor and quit while you’re ahead
9 years ago at 5:23 pmI hope you pick up a girl too heavy for you and when she falls she breaks your neck.
8 years ago at 7:16 pmThis fucking guy
8 years ago at 9:34 pmRead the first few lines and thought “I bet Wally wrote this”
8 years ago at 2:05 pmFuck you