Leaked Photos of Snooki Cause Mass Boner Genocide

Captain Jack Sperry12 years ago

Yes it is true, yet another “star” has nudy pictures that have surfaced on the internet. This is seriously getting out of hand; but not my hand. My hand’s occupied… or at least it should be.

Unfortunately for men everywhere the erectile appeal of these pictures has been steadily declining. What started out as obelisk-esque erection for the possibility of a bare-ass Carly Rae quickly turned into a half chub as we gazed confusedly, one-eyebrow cocked, at GaGa’s… I guess it was her snatch? I’m not really sure what that disgusting creature was, but it seemed more like a Sarlacc than a vagina. Today our hopes of rallying back to Stiff Avenue were completely and utterly dashed by the shocking and offensive release (way to premature in my opinion) of Snooki’s forbidden fruits.

No joke, that woman should be eternally forbidden, and those fruits are way past the expiration date. I’m currently waiting to be tested for the herp, because I’m about 95% positive that whatever dirty, disgusting, dibilitating, dick-rotting disease that Snooki carries is contagious enough to pass through pictures alone.

Snooki’s rep made no effort to deny the authenticity of the photos, which is pretty much a guarantee that they are legit. This isn’t the first time that alleged photos of Snooki have emerged online, as a similar situation surfaced back in 2010. I am honestly surprised this is only the second time considering her crack addict like cravings for attention. Contrary to everything that is probably true about her though, Snooki would have you think that she is the victim in this situation:

The reality star is doing her best to tone down her partying image now that she’s pregnant, but Nicole Polizzi can’t seem to escape her risqué history as a series of nude photos of the reality star were recently leaked online.

Really Snook? Are you honestly trying to change your party image? Or are you just upset that the first time the world sees your vagina it won’t be on your reality special during which an MTV camera is placed three feet in front of your snatch as it shoves out an orange baby and afterbirth greasier than your male Jersey Shore co-stars? Thanks a lot Snooki. I’m now more flaccid than Jonah Falcon at the airport. I hope you’re happy.

• [via Inquisitr.com]