“If Obama Don’t Win”

Paul Hazinger12 years ago

As I lied down in bed last night, shortly before my Brazzers session, I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Obama don’t win. Naturally, I searched twitter for these answers. The following are the “Top Tweets” for the hashtag #IfObamaDontWin. These are not edited, and they are not limited to any one race, gender, creed, or intelligence level.

JAH, aka @TheOmniscient says “we going back to the cotton fields. Lightskin niggas finna turn darkskin. & darkskin niggas finna turn to ashes”

Thanks JAH. In my quest to find an answer to what will happen if Obama don’t win, you’ve given me some guidance. It seems that certain humans with dark skin pigmentation will somehow disintegrate into ashes. Interesting thought, although I’m not sure that science is on your side.

@_High_On_Life professes “imma have Kanye interrupt the election and be like hold the hell up!!!!

How would that work, logistically speaking? In theory, if Obama didn’t win, the election would already be over. I guess what I’m trying to ask is do you have access to some sort of time machine? If so, is your plan to transport Kanye back to Tuesday, November 6? That would be impressive.

kiaaa, otherwise known as @mytweets_wetter boldly asks: “I wonder if we can pick our own masters? cause we going back to slavery!”

I think this is the question that most rational people out there are pondering.

@MovieHumor states that “we can at least take comfort in knowing Daniel Craig is signed on for 2 more James Bond movies.”

What the fuck @MovieHumor? This is no time for jokes. Also, Daniel Craig is a pussy.

@TinaaMonroe has a chilling thought: “the world will end in 2012.”

You don’t have specifics? That’s it? You’re going to throw that kind of heat out there and not give any details? WTF

Ivy Boyd, otherwise known as @Cali_Made_92 offers a different proposition: “they gone put all our asses in concentration camps Lika hoe”

This is truly cryptic. As if the threat of being put into a concentration camp wasn’t bad enough, they’re going to do it Lika hoe. It’s a good thing 6 million Jews didn’t die in concentration camps, otherwise some people might take exception to this prediction.

@FRAILandDREADED “ima sell my soul…..twice”

Time out. Tap the brakes. This guy is not just going to sell his soul. No way. That wouldn’t be enough. He’s taking it up a notch. He’s going to sell it twice. I’m not sure if he’s planning on involving some type of third party to this transaction that would throw in a player to be named later in order to complete the deal, but he has a plan.

#Hipster, or @Diz_PBI claims that “Crackheads will spread.”

Don’t leave me hanging #Hipster. Spread what exactly? STDs? West Nile? The common cold? Their crackhead ass cheeks in order to take a dook in the urinal? What is it?

@Gino_Hanna, otherwise known as grammar nazi, claims “well start using proper grammar when tweeting..”

Irony.

@DTCallahan77 offers a different perspective: “Maybe we can start seeing some economic growth.”

Maybe you can go fuck yourself DTCallahan. I’m looking for real answers here.

@Amelia_Jessica1: “that means he lost….”

She’s right you know.

@anya_howard: “maybe Joe Biden will finally take time to seek treatment for his reoccurring foot-in-mouth.”

Bitch this is no time for partisan politics.

According to the “Black_Miley_Cirus”, If Obama don’t win- “let’s go to White Hall and start a Riot.”

I can only imagine what a riot at the “White Hall” would look like.

c.rex, known to the twitter world as @cassieebacaa states “ima paper cut between my toes”

Shit. I have a semi.

What does this all mean? I really don’t know. But what I do know is this: I was on the fence about Obama before all of this, but the possibility of spontaneous combustion, concentration camps, and paper cuts is too real to not vote for Obama.