Young Mitt Romney

Blackball Bill12 years ago

You’ve probably heard that Mitt Romney is running for President of the United States. That’s awesome, but how much can we really know about the man without analyzing his past? We all know he’s a practicing Mormon, founded Bain Capital, and had something to do with the Olympics, but what about young Mitt Romney? What’d young Mitt Romney do? Recently, photographs surfaced to put an end to these questions.

Young Mitt Romney plays the ole “dollar bill on a fishing line” prank on a starving, bearded homeless man.

Young Mitt Romney puts an elderly woman in a chokehold from behind, then executes a noogie.

Young Mitt Romney pours bleach in his Latin teacher’s coffee.

Young Mitt Romney rides a bicycle, probably stolen from a blind minority.

Young Mitt Romney dances with a briefcase, assumedly stuffed with savings bonds.

Young Mitt Romney tabletops a fedora-wearing hipster.

Young Mitt Romney axes the grungy janitor, who was only working double shifts to pay for his daughter’s Leukemia treatments.

Young Mitt Romney rocks a cummerbund with some arm candy.

Young Mitt Romney punks the shit out of a lib.

Young Mitt Romney plays with an Etch A Sketch.

Young Mitt Romney mocks the gays.

Young Mitt Romney gets money with his partners.

He’s got my vote.

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