25 Things I’m Thankful For
12 years ago

1. Our military, active and retired
Always #1 for me.

2. Wide open fairways and slow rolling greens
Because I need all the help I can get.

3. College football
Even when my team sometimes plays like hot garbage, it’s the best sport out there.

4. Single malt scotch
And the pleasant burn of the first sip.

5. The first guy who submitted a rush boobs photo
And that he simply goes by tnuts.

6. redonk8, the second guy who submitted a rush boobs photo
Because he made it a trend.

7. That one guy who submitted a very nude, very explicit rush boob/vagina photo
Don’t even ask to see it. It’s long gone now.

8. Al Gore
Without his world wide info-sharing innovation, I’d be an accountant or some shit.

9. Mirrored sunglass lenses
If you have them, you know why.

10. Football game flyovers
A U.S. military dominance spectacle and football. Chills every time.

11. Being on the ascending side of the peak age of the female sexual drive
Gonna be a good ride.

12. Ryan McLatchy
Because Ryan McLatchy will never be sufficiently appreciated.

13. Cleavage
It’s almost always good, and many times it’s better than the real thing.

14. The guy who said, “Fuck bottles!” and just put a whole mess of wine in a bag and a box, then put a spout on it
Boxed wine is just an all-around superior product.

15. Open bar weddings
The pinnacle of post-gradding.

16. Bachelor parties
Forgot about these. They’re the real post-grad pinnacle.

17. The spread offense
I’m typically a traditionalist, but it’s just more fun to watch.

18. Lax university alcohol consumption policies on gameday
Don’t get it, but I love it.

19. Traditional college football programs that refuse to alter their uniforms.
Goddamn, Oregon.

20. Las Vegas, NV
If you’ve never been, you live an unfulfilled life.

21. A great areola-to-breast ratio
It’s a make or break.

22. This country
The grass in the front lawn isn’t as green as it used to be, but we’re still the biggest, baddest house in the neighborhood with a Ferrari in the driveway.

23. A full, plush head of hair
Sometimes I’ll just run my fingers through it for a quick pick-me-up.

24. The publication of the TFM Book
And vicariously living the amazing college lifestyle of TP III.

25. All of you sickos out there
Happy Thanksgiving.


    1. DeltaChiOrDie

      Recap: Boobs, football, scotch, drinking, more drinking, drinking in Vegas, and all of the disturbed members of the TFM website.

      12 years ago at 4:31 pm
    1. NativeFloridaCracker

      This ^. Great job Dorn. I told you I turned a new leaf.
      26) I’m thankful for Dorn.

      12 years ago at 10:22 am
  5. Cocaine Cowboy

    I’m glad someone else hates Oregon’s uniforms. Yeah, they look cool but just play fucking football.

    12 years ago at 10:55 am
  7. superwayne

    I am thankful for the ease to open hot pieces legs, yet the tightness of the goodness within.

    12 years ago at 11:22 am
    1. Bone Padre

      The list of what I’m thankful for begins and ends with never-ending scripts of the Viag, and of course, my ^baller ass son.^

      12 years ago at 1:55 pm
    2. BoykinSpaniel

      ^^oh wow I see we have someone who just made it all the way through Q-school. What an honor!

      12 years ago at 11:18 pm
    3. Tits or GTFO

      ^^^ If you don’t know golf humor when you see it, then you don’t play golf.

      12 years ago at 2:33 pm
  9. Oldgopherballs

    WHERE IS THE FUCKING RUSH VAGINA PIC?

    /Probably on the intern’s computer along with all his kiddie porn.

    12 years ago at 11:48 am
    1. ragelegend

      So you can stare at a sluts chest puppies while you talk to her without her noticing.

      12 years ago at 12:33 pm
    2. ragelegend

      and dorn, fuck you. of course you’re bad at golf, but how do you suck so bad hitting from the red tee’s?

      12 years ago at 12:35 pm