20-Year-Old Reported Missing, Turns Out He Was Just Having Crazy Sex For Two Days
12 years ago

Not only does this kid get laid for a couple days straight to ring in the new year, but thanks to some shitty cell phone communication and a widespread manhunt, now everyone knows he got laid for two days straight. Talk about street cred.

From The Telegraph:

Dale Rowlinson-Bates, 20, left his mother Julie, 44, distraught when she was unable to contact her son after he went out with friends in Birmingham.

She was so worried about Dale, who calls her every day, she contacted police, who drafted in 50 officers to hunt for him. But while the mother-of-five feared the worst, her son was in fact enjoying a romance with a girl he met at a club on New Year’s Eve. He had been partying with friends at the Q Club, Birmingham until the early hours of January 1 but decided to separate from the group and head to a rave with his new friend.

Mr Rowlinson-Bates’ last contact with his mother was at 8.30pm on New Year’s Eve, when he texted her to tell her where he was. His friends last saw him at 5.30am the next morning, leaving his family and friends “frantic” after he appeared to have disappeared. His mother created a Facebook group calling on locals to help find her son.

It was only when he finally contacted his older brother Kieran, 24, at 4pm on Wednesday, after two days, that Mr Rowlinson-Bates realised the trouble he had caused and sheepishly returned home.

This little British shit is a total momma’s boy, man. Well, he was anyway. 2013 is a new year, and young Dale is a grown ass man now.

He was just trying to break free of mum’s overprotective shackles and break off a piece of that British ass without having to check in with her every hour on the hour. It’s New Year’s Eve, lady, and Dale is a grown lad — of drinking age in Europe — and he has a penis that works. Give him some room.

This hombre was only incommunicado for a day and half before he contacted his older brother. He probably found his phone after nursing one hellacious hangover and saw 180 text messages and 55 voicemails from you, then stuffed it back in his Euro-style capri pants pocket and hopped back in bed. Why do you think he called his brother and not you?

Time to pop that titty out of his mouth and let him find his way.

Dale Rowlinson-Bates and his mum

[via The Telegraph]

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    1. Lil B

      I REMBER THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX I WAS 13 YEARS OLD AND I LASTED LIKE 15 MINUTES LOLOLOL HOW EMBARASSING! – Lil B

      12 years ago at 10:48 am
  3. Pee Buttermore

    Fuck this GDI and fuck every other country besides the one that I am taking a shit in right now.

    12 years ago at 7:02 pm
    1. Ron Washington

      Shitting on your country. NF. Shitting down a tube that leads to land under your country. FAF.

      12 years ago at 7:33 pm
  4. This Day In History

    Today, in 1953, Harry S. Truman formally announced the development of a hydrogen bomb by the United States. The latest in a long line of many bombs developed by the United States, this hydrogen model was, by sizable margin, the most explosive to date. Following extensive historical precedent, the United States had once again demonstrated its uncanny talent for erecting massive objects capable of ruining any nation they were subsequently inserted into. Not schlong after the announcement, military scientists and civilians alike were found wondering if the bomb might be too big and somehow unethical if used to penetrate even a country with the loosest morals. To this day, none have aroused its offensive use, certainly due to the fact that the raw explosion would render the most impregnable defenses unusable, and fertile land sterile, for generations.

    12 years ago at 7:34 pm
  5. Beam and Cope

    I didn’t stutter. I said, “Pop your titty, outta his mouth, and stop babyin’ him!”

    12 years ago at 12:38 am
    2. POIDH

      Falling victim to endless Master Bates jokes. NF. Dishing out endless Master Bates jokes. FaF.

      12 years ago at 11:20 am