We Are Upgrading The Site
12 years ago

You assholes have probably noticed some site upgrades taking place. We’re trying to enhance your user experience, something we are finally able to accomplish with the addition of our new all-star web developer. Some things going on right now include:

* The addition of the “^ This” button – Similar to a “like” button, this feature is intended to rank the comments in the comment section from most popular to least popular, making the funnier comments easier to find. Furthermore, the higher your “^ This” count goes up, the higher up the TFM ranks you will move. Why does that matter?…

* There is now a hierarchy of TFM users – There are six different levels of users: Rushee, Pledge, JI, Active, Exec, and 5th Year. The more people dig your comments, the more TFM cred you’ll develop, and the higher up you’ll go. Good luck achieving 5th year status. It won’t be easy. We are also currently working to add correlating icons for each level. Should be pretty hilarious.

***

We’re working out some kinks, too, so bear with us. We were aware that replies to comments were not displaying in sequential order, so guess what we did — we fixed it. It’s working properly now.

What’s Next?

All kinds of fun shit really. We will soon delve into a complete site redesign project intended to make this place more pleasing for the reader. We care, guys.

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  4. Rutherford B_Haze

    Dorn I demand you upgrade all my accounts (you know which ones) and my TFM pals (BetterThanYou, Freeto, Nate, Chilis and the likes) to “Old Balls” status

    12 years ago at 5:55 pm
    1. Dillon Cheverere

      The original intention was to ‘grandfather’ you guys in, so to speak. It would have been a crazy long project, though. From what the developer told me, it was too much data….or whatever jargon those nerds use.

      12 years ago at 5:59 pm
    2. Jon M Fratsman

      You serious, Clark? I’m chilling over here with this “rushee” status and it’s gayer than an entire bag of dicks.

      12 years ago at 6:02 pm
    6. Jon M Fratsman

      ^ You’re a nib. Given, it’s better than where I am at the moment, but still, eat my balls.

      12 years ago at 6:11 pm
    7. Frat Burrell

      Agree, I’ve been on this site quite a while and the rushee thing doesnt sit so hot with me. Gotta be a hardass on this one Dorno.

      12 years ago at 6:56 pm
    10. Dorns_Penis

      I want my original account back, Dorn. And ban that fucker who posts under “Bacons_Balls”

      12 years ago at 10:32 am
    12. TotalRatMoveSuperPAC

      Do account holders with celebrity troll status get a special designation?

      12 years ago at 1:25 pm
    16. Oprah ls A Dyke

      Oh, and Dorn, just do it individually as you see them on. It looks like Chili’s Guy was already given a special title, though I’m not sure all the Old Ballsers would want the same.

      12 years ago at 3:49 pm
    19. Lil B THE BASEDGOD

      LIL B DEMANDS A “THE BASEDGOD” RANK I DON’T THINK ITS RIGHT TO CALL ME A RUSHEE IM NOT RUSSIAN AND RUSSIAN BASED GOD HAS NOT BEEN REVEALED WE NEED MORE TIME – Lil B

      12 years ago at 6:17 am
    21. Dillon Cheverere

      ^^^^^ I wish it was that easy. I don’t have the capability. Our developer was having some fun with Chili’s Guy because he was posting over and over trying to inflate his ranking.

      It all goes through him.

      12 years ago at 9:19 am
    22. duckdog

      ^ In business terms, Lack of Capability is a polite way of saying “It’s too much work and we ain’t gonna do it”.

      12 years ago at 9:30 am
    23. The_ChiIis_Guy

      ^^Dorn, I wan’t ‘trying’ to inflate my ranking, I was inflating my ranking.

      In the memory of one of my favorite, albeit short-lived, trolls:
      “Do it or don’t do it but you’re sure as hell not going to try it.” – Yoda

      12 years ago at 1:41 pm
    25. better_than_you

      I havent made a racist comment in months and pledge is the ebst i get. Fuck this noise.

      12 years ago at 5:08 pm
  5. ChacarronMacarron

    Rather than bear with you I’m going to complain. Not just yet though.

    12 years ago at 5:56 pm
  6. Seal Team Six

    Is part of the site upgrade going to be getting rid of this dumb fucking banner?

    12 years ago at 5:58 pm
    5. Seal Team Six

      Adblock does work. You just have to manually block it. A lot better now. That banner was driving me nuts.

      12 years ago at 9:37 pm
    2. Dillon Cheverere

      ^ I don’t believe so. The point is to sort the comments by popularity. Replies are better presented in sequential order.

      12 years ago at 6:06 pm
    4. BamaForRomney

      ^^ Sometimes the best comments are replies, though. I don’t know, Dorn. I wouldn’t want a a good commen t to go to waste in reaching whatever the top status is. o forgot what it is but fuck scrolling up. I’m going to get to “STAFF” status by the end of the week, i bet you

      12 years ago at 6:14 pm
  9. cleavage

    Here’s to making comments on how awesome America is to achieve 5th year. Because nothing gets the users on this site harder than Sandusky in a preschool then the good old U.S.A.

    12 years ago at 6:07 pm
  10. itsDallin

    Who’s soon will these changes be reflected in the iPhone app? And how do I change my TFM name/delete and start over?

    12 years ago at 6:09 pm
    1. Dillon Cheverere

      I can’t speak to the app, and that’s because I really don’t know how it works. Our app designer is a third party.

      12 years ago at 6:11 pm
  11. BamaForRomney

    Let’s make a list of ideal updates:

    1. TFM Profiles, so I can see my top comments ever. And all my comments, not just the last 10. With notifications. And being able to click on other people’s “profile.”
    6. The discussions section on the app.
    7. Being able to see picture comments on the app.
    8.
    2. I’m a little bit drunk.
    3. Replace the book banner with a picture of Hot Piece’s boobs.
    4. An app that does all this, and on the iPad too.
    5. A way to murder hookers.

    12 years ago at 6:10 pm