The War On Happy Hour
12 years ago

Massachusetts law-makers have extended the state ban on happy hour.

Now, this isn’t exactly a surprise. Massachusetts is basically run by Puritans and acts like it’s still the Prohibition era, with eight municipalities that completely ban liquor. What is shocking and sad is that this trend appears to be gaining ground in other states.

As of May, 27 states had happy hour prohibitions. Then, in June, Kansas changed course and decided to allow it, making the total 26.

At least Kansas finally got it right. Although their happy hours are heavily restricted, they have enough common sense to recognize that happy hour has legitimate business purposes. It brings in more customers to restaurants and bars and the customers spend money that they wouldn’t otherwise.

Several restaurant and bar owners in Massachusetts had made the appeal that discounted drinks at happy hour are important in remaining viable businesses. Meanwhile, new casinos in the area are allowed to give free drinks to gamblers. This is one of those situations where any rational person can see a problem. Restaurants and bars aren’t allowed to offer cheap drinks in order to bring in customers, but casinos are allowed to pump gamblers full of booze. Show a little fucking consistency, Massachusetts.

Apparently, this war on happy hour has been building for the past three decades:

David Hanson, a professor of sociology at the State University of New York, Potsdam says public attitudes toward alcohol have been trending negative since the 1980s.

Dammit, ’80s! I thought we were friends. You gave us two terms of Ronald Reagan and Top Gun.

Hanson says that any unit of government can decide to ban or restrict drinking. The result, in Texas, for example, is a bewildering crazy-quilt of rules that changes as you drive from one city to another.

Seriously, who still thinks that a city going “dry” is a good thing? It’s been 80 years since Prohibition; you’d think that by now people would recognize that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a drink — or at the very least not infringing on anyone else’s ability to enjoy it.

Happy hour is our birthright as Americans. It’s guaranteed to us in the Declaration of Independence. “The pursuit of happiness” isn’t just a mediocre movie with Will Smith; it’s also one of our three inalienable rights. And I choose to pursue happiness by going to happy hour and pounding a couple beers. As long as I have a safe way to get home, what justification do you have for taking that away from me?

Fortunately, Massachusetts legislators can’t make laws preventing the ingenuity of the restaurant owners. Some have counter-acted the ban on happy hour by offering extremely cheap food to go with regular price drinks. Strategies like this have proven so successful that Boston has been voted the “Drunkest City in America” two years in a row by the Daily Beast.

Honestly though, Massachusetts, shit like this happy hour ban makes me wonder why we even let you be a state.

[via ABC News]

Image via Things I Heard in the Old Port

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  6. Douglas MacArthur

    BOO FUCKING HOO. Indiana is the only state in the union that has a Sunday liquor ban. You’re getting pissy about an hour?

    12 years ago at 4:49 pm
    1. Douglas MacArthur

      To elaborate, the only places that can sell alcohol on Sundays restaurants, wineries, and breweries.

      12 years ago at 4:52 pm
    3. Presidente

      OK and TX can’t sell liquor on Sundays either, unless I’m misunderstanding you.

      12 years ago at 8:32 pm
    4. Douglas MacArthur

      Yeah, I wasn’t clear. Indiana prohibits sales of any alcoholic drink, including beer and wine, on Sundays at ALL places except restaurants, wineries, and breweries. In OK and TX you can buy beer and wine after certain hours at places that remain open on Sundays such as gas stations, grocery stores, and some liquor stores.

      That means in Indiana if you run out of beer on Saturday, you’re shit out of luck for Sunday. We’re that last state in the union with the strictest Sunday laws.

      12 years ago at 9:21 pm
  7. Ragingandhazing

    There are laws anywhere banning happy hour? Fuck, here in PA the state runs all liquor stores and heavily regulates beer distributers (i.e. you can’t go to the gas station or grocery store for beer), and even we don’t have restrictions on happy hour past a 4 hour limit.

    12 years ago at 5:17 pm
    1. WtF_

      Pa has a ton of fucked up laws though. Can’t buy beer anywhere but a beer store or a bar, can only buy cases at a beer store, can’t sell beer and liqour in the same store, can only buy 12 packs at a bar.

      12 years ago at 9:46 am
  8. Old Joe

    They took a professor from Potsdam. The coldest, shittiest hick town in northern NY with a ton of bars and four neighboring colleges full of belligerent Greeks that beat the shit out of each other on a regular basis. Long live happy hour.

    12 years ago at 7:10 pm
  9. Lowcountry_Fratter

    In a somewhat related note, Folly Beach alcohol ban is truly Un-American. What’s this country turning into if a man can sit in a beach chair and enjoy a natty. Fuck that.

    12 years ago at 7:28 am