Ban On Long Putters Reversed, America Hangs Head In Shame
12 years ago

Sometimes you win the battle, but lose the war. The good guys don’t always prevail. The PGA Tour has won the pissing contest. The anchor ban will not stand. People everywhere who have long-putters and short penises, can rejoice. People with self-respect may take a moment to pause and reflect. We almost had those long-putting communist terrorist bastards by the balls. Tim Finchem, whose very name reeks of GDI, a former economic adviser and lackey to Jimmy Carter, runs the PGA Tour, or more precisely, is running the PGA Tour into the ground. That’s right, Jimmy Carter’s economic adviser brought the long-putter back from the dead.

First it was women at Augusta, now the long-term end of traditional putting. What’s next? Cargo shorts? Denim? Full scale minigolf courses in China that cater exclusively to geeds? God only knows.

So, “I’m a purist, I’ll never switch, and I’ll beat any geed with a long-putter any day,” you say? Not so fast. There is a clear and very illegal advantage to these monstrosities. How long before every kid in America is using one? The next generation will grow up with them and never know the joys of sinking a putt with a real putter. How long before everyone on the Tour has to adapt to compete, or even keep their Player’s Card? How long until they become so common that your house bids a guy with one without thinking twice?

The USGA is opposed to long-putters. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club is opposed to long-putters. Fraternity men everywhere are opposed to long-putters. The only people who are in favor of them are the Tour players who couldn’t find a good hook up for deer antler spray and decided this was the best way to cheat to win. Oh, and the pinko-commie-geeds from the Carter administration.

[via Golf.com]

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  3. RAW DOG ASSASSIN

    I am not a golf aficionado and don’t pretend to be, however I see no harm in allowing long putters. It’s just merely an advance in the sport’s science just like the cork centered baseball and better gear. Just look at receiver’s gloves in football; you can literally catch a ball with two fingers with them. I’d definitely say that’s a bigger “cheat” b/c no matter how long or short the put, putting is still fucking hard as shit

    12 years ago at 11:22 am
  4. DrFratlove

    While I agree that long putters are for GDIs, if you’re really a purist, then your woods should be made of wood, your irons of iron, and your balls of boiled feathers. No Pro V1s for you?

    12 years ago at 12:51 pm
  6. FrattKuchar

    I stand with you in opposition to belly putters; however, I think the mega-mini-golf course in China sounds pretty damn cool. Obviously its not a competitive course, but it would be fucking awesome to hit a six-iron through a windmill.

    12 years ago at 3:01 pm
    1. Tallapoosa Snu

      I guess so, but did you see that one where the fairway is lined with bamboo forests? That’s pretty much the worst hazard imaginable.

      12 years ago at 3:17 pm
  7. Tallapoosa Snu

    That’s fucking ridiculous. What makes me really sad is that it’s most likely the manufacturers that made it happen. The very men I rely on for quality clubs are double dealing with the PGA so all the money they poured into R&D on “lets make the handle longer” isn’t wasted. Screw you, belly putter companies. And the people that created the demand. Grow some balls and putt like a normal person.

    12 years ago at 3:13 pm
    1. blackout_belushi

      “The people that created the demand”. There are people out there that have this thing called back pain you fucktard. For the other guys… I don’t know but the only time I’ve ever seen them used while I’ve been playing is by old guys that aren’t deciding against the shorter putters for longer putters but because it actually hurts their backs.

      12 years ago at 11:00 pm
    2. Tallapoosa Snu

      If you can’t bend your back slightly to putt, I’d be very surprised if you could pull off swinging any club… shit, even walking 18 holes. You’d have to have a pretty fucked up back. I don’t think that’s a majority. I actually don’t think that’s anyone.

      12 years ago at 3:59 pm
  9. Tuco1855

    Belly putters don’t give you a ,”clear and very illegal advantage.” Why wouldn’t everyone use one in that case? It’s really not that big of a deal.

    What I do want to know is how many of you tryhards hate belly putters only because you have been told they’re NF and in reality, you’re gonna suck at putting with whatever you use?

    12 years ago at 9:09 pm
    1. DrinkFishFrat

      Yes they do you idiot. If you can anchor the butt of the putter, you’re taking some of the human element out of putting. Obviously it doesn’t work for everyone, because there’s a portion of personal preference in the matter, but to say it’s not an advantage is stupid.

      12 years ago at 1:36 am
  10. Fratston_Churchill

    Being Jimmy Carter’s economic adviser and running America and golf into the ground. NF

    Praying to God that someone will bring that motherfucker to justice. TFM

    12 years ago at 10:01 pm
    1. brostock

      Because fuck it, Saint Stephen be damned, God is an extremely reliable source of help.

      12 years ago at 12:06 am