Coping With The Nearing End Of March Madness

Ferris12 years ago

With the second weekend of March Madness beginning, the tournament is over halfway done, and is already winding down. What do we do now?

1. Make these last few games count.

My dad had a saying that he shared with me when I was growing up: “Grab me another beer, maggot.” He also told me to appreciate the present moment. Whether that moment was sneaking a sip of his beer while Mom was out of the room, or the last chance to use an indoor toilet before a camping trip, he knew how much more satisfying a moment could be if you reflected on its impermanence. That is my first piece of advice to you. Take a moment and prepare for the games this weekend and next weekend. I know there won’t be as much selection as to what to watch, and your bracket is most likely so fucked up beyond repair that you regret dropping the $50 you could’ve spent on booze into the house bracket challenge, but it’s still something. Get excited about the few underdogs that have made it this far, get excited about the couple of never-fail teams who may actually salvage your bracket, and get excited about the best goddamn college basketball the NCAA has to offer.

2. Find comfort in another sport.

So it’s not enough for you to enjoy the little bit of college basketball we’ve got left? You’re still too concerned with what you’ll do after Florida Gulf Coast manages to take the whole tournament in what will one day become a sports movie that makes Rudy look like it was written by a 5-year-old?
Well, guess what? It’s already the start of baseball season, motherfuckers. Yes, I will be the first to admit that baseball can move at a snail’s pace, and coming from the breakneck speed of basketball season, it’s a tough transition. If Jordan thinks he had it rough trying to switch sports, think about how much worse it must’ve been for those who actually watched him do it. But baseball isn’t about pace, it’s a much friendlier spectator sport. The game is among the easiest to follow when drunk, yet not without surprises to keep your eyes on the game. Nothing will teach you to pay attention like missing out on an opportunity to catch a foul ball, and there is no greater (legal) rush than the one you get when you manage to catch a ball right out from under someone else.

3. Drink.

Finally, my last piece of advice is this: drink. We drink to celebrate, we drink to move on, and sometimes we drink because fuck it, drinking’s fun. Drink when you’re watching the last couple games, make them count. Then, drink when you’re making the transition to your next sport. Also, drink every time in-between when you feel like it, because this is America, and you damn well have the right to drink if you feel like it.

And if none of these work for you, just remember it’s only another 11 and a half months until next year’s March Madness.