Leaked Texts From Fraternity Rush Chair Show New Level Of Trying Too Hard
Believe it or not, we try to adhere to a certain moral code here at Grandex. It’s rather sparse, admittedly, basically stating “Don’t intentionally call someone out unless they truly have it coming.” We do have a code in place, though, and we often take it pretty seriously.
This story sits right in the gray area of said code. I don’t believe the originator of this leaked text conversation to be a bad guy. He’s not a scumbag or a criminal, at least from what we can tell in these four screen shots. He’s not using aggressively racist terms or discussing the distribution of hardcore narcotics. He doesn’t mention poaching V-cards from freshman or using roofies to “nail slams.” He’s simply trying to rush someone whom he thinks is an available rush prospect. It’s just the way he does it that is so embarrassingly awesome that I have to share.
Also, a new phrase is born.
This tip came in late last night:
The [name of fraternity redacted] spring rush chair at [name of school redacted] was texting one of my [name of fraternity redacted] pledges this past few days thinking that he hadn’t signed this past fall. [name of fraternity redacted] is known for being super douchey and signing anyone that comes anywhere close to them. For instance, last year they signed 81 pledges when the average for ok state is about 40. I have also attached a picture of the “frat star” behind the texts.
Here’s the text conversation between the rush chair and the pledge:
Did you read that first line in the Wedding Crashers “Trapster, it’s Sack!” style like I did? Can you say babes and booze?
Dude’s got a crush on the Chubbies King.
Phi Tau can’t even hold their fratty cocks. This pledge — I assume the pledge is actually engaged in this conversation, although it’s plausible that an active commandeered his phone by this point — is playing along really well. He set the hook early, and he’s letting this kid run the line out as far as he’ll take it. He even uses “videogame” as a verb. Nice form.
Hottest sorority at their school and ranked #10 in the Big 12 — thanks for reading my hottest sororities lists by conference, you fratty motherfucker. I bet these guys just run through those top house Gamma Phis, man. Chi Omega is a top house, too, but they can’t hang. Be gone, Chi Os.
You just know this dude wears Chubbies, don’t you?
Dear lord…
12 years ago at 11:53 am
12 years ago at 11:56 am^
12 years ago at 12:12 pmHow does one attain the status of “House Dad”? Never seen that one before.
12 years ago at 12:13 pmBecause I’m never around.
12 years ago at 12:22 pm^^^^ after reading the comment i had the Jagermiester logo in my head. Then that masterpiece blew my idea out of the water
12 years ago at 12:26 pmSmells fake
12 years ago at 11:56 am^this
12 years ago at 4:59 amHey, he has a frat cock. Leave him alone.
12 years ago at 11:56 amDo free estrogen injections come with using the term “rush crush”?
12 years ago at 11:56 amdang, beat me to it
12 years ago at 12:31 pm“SAE Blows Weiner” = “Yeah, SAE didn’t give me a bid either…”
12 years ago at 11:57 amThe one who said that is an SAE pledge, dumbass.
12 years ago at 3:32 pmThis is what happens when High School “Fratstars” become Rush Chair.
12 years ago at 11:58 am“I love raging”
12 years ago at 11:59 amI laughed way more than I should have when I read this.
12 years ago at 12:05 pm“Who’s CD is this? I love Jack Johnson!”
“I love Jack Johnson too, let’s go up to my room and talk about it.”
12 years ago at 1:52 pmThe Kappa Sig guy could write great satirical articles without actually knowing he was doing it.
12 years ago at 12:00 pmThis guy was one of those sarcastic nominations for rush chair.
12 years ago at 12:01 pmThe amount of abbreviations in these texts leads me to believe the “Kappa Dogs” elected a super butch woman as their rush chair. What self-respecting man says “hoco”?
12 years ago at 12:01 pm