U.S. College Team Squares Off Against Chinese University In (Sadly) The Most Important Competition Yet…
11 years ago

usvchina

As much as Americans like to think Olympic medal counts and dominating the world in sports like basketball makes us superior to other countries, the truth is that in terms of competitions, the upcoming one between a team from Cal-Berkeley and China’s TianJin University is probably more indicative of future national dominance than any pure athletic endeavor. But, man, it’s sort of sad to admit, because…because it’s in fucking StarCraft.

Next Monday, the Collegiate Starleague, the largest collegiate esports organization in the world, is pitting the best Chinese and American StarCraft 2 sides against one another. They’re calling it “USA vs. China: The Collegiate Showdown.”

This is so geed that it physically pains me. Right in the balls. But I’ll be damned if I won’t be rooting my ass off for America. Why? Because who gives a shit about being better at sports than China? We need to be better at PC strategy games like StarCraft. When our robot and drone armies clash with China’s, it’s not going to matter that LeBron James and Kevin Durant can drag their sacks across the collective Chinese population at will on the way up to the rim. What’s going to matter is that our nerdy little gamers micromanage futuristic armies better than their Chinese counterparts. I’ve never personally played StarCraft, but I’m pretty sick at the Total War series (war and history are frat, you guys), so I’m ready to do my part for America when the time comes.

Sure, this might be insanely GDI, but an American GDI is still better than a Chinese anything. Go kick some Chinese ass in StarCraft, America. Otherwise, I’m going to have nightmares about waking up to a robot with a gold star on its chest pointing a gun in my face and forcing me into slave labor.

You can tailgate a StarCraft competition, right? I’m going to need to drink a lot to forget that I’m rooting for someone in, or even giving a shit about, StarCraft.

[via The Daily Dot]

  2. Floyd Hazeweather

    Only Bacon could make an article involving Starcraft bearable. Well done.

    11 years ago at 2:56 pm
  4. fratoutdrunk

    Is this being held on American soil and how can we turn this into a drinking game? Because this is going to take a lot of alcohol…and probably drugs.

    11 years ago at 2:56 pm
  6. M_Eagle

    Fuck you if you don’t like Starcraft.
    “SHOW ME THE MONEY” is the virtual equivalent of borrowing Dad’s AmEx.

    11 years ago at 2:57 pm
    1. Rob Fox

      I’ve never played it but I love those types of strategy games. Was just always more a fan of the historical games than the SciFi ones, like Age of Empires/Age of Kings and, like I said, Total War.

      11 years ago at 2:59 pm
      2. Rob Fox

        Never played Civ. I like it better when the battles are fluid instead of turn based. Total War is turn based in campaign but the battles aren’t.

        11 years ago at 3:14 pm
  9. ebunde

    Love the total war reference. Always been a big fan of the series, especially the medieval and empire games.

    11 years ago at 3:09 pm
    1. Rob Fox

      Starting off a game by making everyone play through the American Revolution. TFM.

      11 years ago at 3:39 pm
      2. Rob Fox

        It was definitely the one I played and probably liked the most. Close second being Empire. Haven’t played Rome 2 yet. Looks pretty amazing though.

        11 years ago at 4:33 pm
  10. Lord Frattenstein

    There are what’s called Barcraft Leagues where people get hammered and play starcrafstatecraft. That’s why america will win.

    11 years ago at 4:31 pm
  11. SlutsWillbeSluts

    Agree with Bacon, Rome Total War was my shit. Can’t we compete against a bunch of Italians for that?

    11 years ago at 11:49 pm