Arizona State University Installs Prescription Drug Vending Machine On Campus
Just when we thought things couldn’t get any crazier at ASU, you can now buy pain pills from a vending machine. Sure, they’ll also carry boring stuff like antibiotics, but I’m sure that’s definitely why the students on campus are so thrilled about its arrival. I’m sending my thoughts and prayers to the admissions officers over in the administration building who are probably about to get the biggest influx of transfer applications the school has ever seen. ASU has come up with some reasoning for this machine, which sounds fine in theory, until you recognize that you’re putting this on a college campus–particularly ASU. This was a terrible, terrible decision by the university staff.
In an attempt to make student and employee healthcare more efficient, ASU has come up with this simple solution. Go to health services on campus, get diagnosed, walk to a vending machine with your voucher, get your meds. The benefit of this, of course, is that sick students who need antibiotics or Tamiflu don’t have to drive their sniffling selves over to Walgreens and can have their medication needs filled instantly. That makes sense. What I’m baffled by is that it looks like university officials have also authorized this machine to be filled with loads and loads of pain meds, too.
Although school officials haven’t confirmed a list of the more than 50 drugs that will be available in the machine, the company that created this little magic box says it will carry medications that are urgently needed, such as antibiotics and pain medications. Will it also carry Adderall during finals and Plan B during formals? Officials haven’t said, but I think those definitely fall under the category of “urgent” needs.
The machine is justified by manufacturers saying it has vault-lock technology, making it nearly impossible to break into. Because that’s what college students would do instead of following their friends with prescriptions to the machines and collecting a handout. Yeah, that would never happen. College students are angels. My guess is that this thing won’t last until Christmas..
[via CBS]
Image via Arizona State University Health Services

Does it have heart medication?
11 years ago at 12:04 pmGet the fuck outta here you impostor.
11 years ago at 1:30 pmDear Grandex,
11 years ago at 1:35 pmTo those who struggle with drug addictions this article is highly offensive. Please remove it.
Dear Grandex,
11 years ago at 2:30 pmPlease Remove Joe Willie. I enjoy struggling with my addictions, dick.
Joe Willie, you’re about one comment away from getting balled.
11 years ago at 4:20 pmHOORAY! NO MORE JOE!
11 years ago at 4:56 pmCaucasian-American gentlemen with mullets and Camaros have been delivering prescription drugs to campuses for decades!
11 years ago at 3:03 pmNot bad Willie
11 years ago at 3:15 pmI guess our freedoms have been taken away. I think we have it worse than the Chinese or Russians
11 years ago at 12:04 pmDamn commies
11 years ago at 10:55 pmThey will need to have a solid supply of azithromycin and doxycycline
11 years ago at 12:07 pmDear RecruitmentChairTSM,
11 years ago at 12:10 pm🙁 I’m just not in the mood today 🙁 #Forumgeddon
Love,
Shibby

11 years ago at 12:41 pmI’m just getting caught up now Fribby. My only question is, WHY?!??!?!
11 years ago at 1:54 pmIt was Joe Willies fault.
11 years ago at 4:55 pmI never thought I’d see the day that Shibby was in the mood. Today is truly a dark day in history.
11 years ago at 3:41 pmThey got quartermaster?
11 years ago at 9:13 amI’d rather see the forums than RecruitmentChairTSM’s tits!!!
11 years ago at 12:14 pmThis is a hard decision to make, but I will have to agree with you
11 years ago at 12:17 pmI’d rather see RecruitmentChairTSM’s tits on the forums!!!
11 years ago at 1:16 pmGive the people want we want.
11 years ago at 1:33 pmI’ve been balled from saying any comments with the word “Rofum” (descramble it) in it. This is pure communism!
11 years ago at 2:26 pmDamn pinkos taking away our forums. Commies.
11 years ago at 10:54 pmHow is this a bad idea? You need a voucher that only lets you get the medicine its says you can get. This is a terrible article show us your tits and go back to TSM.
11 years ago at 12:22 pm#16novemberneverforget
We lost another one. #Neverforget #Nov16th2014
11 years ago at 2:28 pmDon’t recall ever seeing you in the forums.
11 years ago at 3:00 pmI’ve already explained this on Best of the Week
11 years ago at 3:34 pmAnother reason to transfer to ASU.
11 years ago at 12:46 pmHopefully they’ll be stocked with some penicillin variety packs…
11 years ago at 1:07 pmWoohoo. Thumbs up for censorship, gentlemen. While the site is obviously satire, it still somewhat represents Fraternity men from around the country, and Fraternity men are NOT liberal. For the love of God, just bring back the forums! Are we not all adults here? #NeverForget
11 years ago at 3:26 pmAnd just for the sake of staying on the topic of the article/column, while it’s a pretty decent idea, I’m sure it’s gonna have it’s downsides. Trying it out at ASU of all schools was probably the worst place to test it but I guess go big or go home.
11 years ago at 3:28 pmIf those machines have bars in them they’ll go faster than, well, i’m not sure. I’ve never seen a fucking Xanax vending machine.
11 years ago at 3:43 pm