Florida Man Takes Down Monstrous 719-Pound Alligator, Wrestles It Bare-Handed
Admittedly, I’ve been terrified of alligators since poor Chubs lost his hand to one of them in 1996, when I was just eight years old. Even though most of my golf these days is played in the mid-Atlantic region, I’m still ever vigilant for the pesky reptiles every time I’m near a water hazard, and it’s suffice to say if I ever saw a behemoth like this monster recently taken down in Florida, well, let’s just say I would be running fast as fuck in any direction that was away from it.
Clark Woodsby, a native of Orlando, took down the massive, nearly 13-foot long gator, but not after wrestling it into submission first…which is crazy to think, because it weighed 719 fucking pounds.
From WTSP:
A Lakeland man had a big wrestling match on Sunday night as he caught a 719-pound alligator in a private phosphate pit south of Bartow.
“We called him in with an electronic call,” Clark Woodsby told The Lakeland Ledger. “This gator heard it from across the lake, and it came bee-lining right toward me.
“When it got within about 20 yards, we turned the call off. I shot it with a crossbow right in the shoulder.”
Only a crossbow to try to take this enormous thing down!?
The beast at hand is literally big enough to potentially be kin of the monstrosity that played the clock tower alligator in Hook, and you only have a crossbow!?
“It was technically 12 feet, 10 inches, but there was about 4 inches of tail missing because of a fight, according to the trapper I went with,” he said.
Yeah, since technicalities matter when we’re talking about whether it was a 13-foot or almost 13-foot alligator that ate me for dinner. No way, no how would you ever find me in the same zip code as that thing.
Woodsby was hunting with Glen Grizzaffe of Winter Haven, a licensed trapper who owns an alligator processing business in Plant City. The landowner called them to take care of the gator; that was considered a nuisance.
After shooting the crossbow, with its string attached to a buoy, Woodsby and Grizzaffe managed to get a snatch hook with a heavier-gauge rope into the gator, and after pulling on it for an hour got the animal into a 14-foot jonboat.
After finally wrestling it on to the boat, Woodsby says he shot his trophy in the head with a .357 Magnum.
I suppose we’ve got to tip the cap for the public service that Clark performed here, because there’s no way I’d want that thing running around in my backyard when I hit retirement age forty years down the road. Good God almighty..
[via WTSP]
Images via DailyMail
Was this before or after the decision to fuck us all by not posting Fail Friday?
11 years ago at 3:17 pmCrossbows are NF.
11 years ago at 3:18 pmWhatever pussies, hunt like old men.
11 years ago at 6:42 pmFirst the forums, now Fail Friday? I don’t even what to know what’s going to happen once football’s over
11 years ago at 3:19 pmLess Draft Kings ads.
11 years ago at 9:36 pmYou hit the nail on the head for the most part. but unlike the article I didn’t read all of it.
11 years ago at 3:21 pmYou’re sorta right especially about the lower quality articles but any successful business has to be politically correct to an extent. Oh and I saw a picture of Dorn’s “house” on Twitter, nobody at Grandex is selling out. I can promise you that.
11 years ago at 3:23 pmCan you promise us that? How about the sad barrage of “Neighbors” and promotions, the fact that they literally fabricated a Ridiculous Tinder Pickup line to tell us that that steaming pile of shit “22 Jump Street” was out on DVD, the fucking endless DraftKings articles, and that horrible attempt to sell that sorority rush book last week, to name a few.
I get it. They are a business, first and foremost, and money is why they began this website. However, they are a bad business for allowing their obsession for profit to infect their website’s content. Advertisements are okay and encouraged for all website and blog hosts because the money generated from that increases content quality and inspires growth and innovation; but when the line separating advertisement from article diminishes and the article becomes the advertisement (as we have seen so often), that is an indicator of when a company has sold out, which TFM has.
Don’t let a picture of the shack Dorn uses to hold all of his prisoners mislead you into thinking that.
11 years ago at 3:44 pmJust to prove this, check out that fucking ugly Christmas suit “News Article” they literally just posted. My point was proven instantly.
11 years ago at 3:52 pmThat stuff grinds my gears too but the click bait ads at the bottom of every article aren’t pulling in that much dough. The bigger names are essential to profiting and growing as a company. If they were charging us I’d feel differently but I don’t pay for anything except some shitty RG polos. I’d probably feel your pain if I was here from the beginning though.
11 years ago at 3:55 pmI don’t mind them advertising, in fact I respect them for it because capitalism. What gets me is that they put out these advertisements and pretend they are writing articles. They lure us in like we are a bunch of little boys using their “Free Candy” van and then the second we finish the candy -BAM-, we wake up chained and gagged in some sick freaks basement… who knows how they came up with that strategy.
11 years ago at 4:59 pmOk what the hell is going on here? I left for about 2 weeks from lurking and there are a ton of people gone, people have started censoring a search engine, this whole #forumRiots and #HandsUpDontBall and all of that other stuff, the forum is gone and most importantly, WHERE THE FUCK DID FAIL FRIDAY GO.
11 years ago at 8:39 pmYou seem upset
11 years ago at 3:25 pmNo, more so letting them know that they have lost a patron using a writing style that is the type of writing that brought me here. The two redeeming qualities that made up for this site’s garbage “articles” of late have been taken away by #Forumgeddon and the removal of FF
11 years ago at 3:31 pm
11 years ago at 3:27 pmHappy Gilmore did it without a crossbow
11 years ago at 3:30 pmThis deserves many more ups sir, I tip my hat to you. This site has become soft and money driven and thats not what TFM used to be about.
11 years ago at 3:32 pmYour profile picture gave me a good chuckle.
11 years ago at 3:41 pm