“No Means No,” Plant Shitting, And Everything That Made College Football On New Year’s Day Awesome
11 years ago

Screen Shot 2015-01-02 at 12.44.20 PM

Despite an ungodly headache from the night before paired with the early stages of a full-fledged cold, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of New Year’s Day. Yes, I chugged DayQuil with no regard for mankind and I reeked of Vicks VapoRub, but my ass was firmly parked on the couch and college football was on my TV. If you made the mistake of being a contributing member of society yesterday and you missed out on plenty of great football (with the exception of the monstrous beat down Oregon laid on Florida State), here’s what you missed.


Wisconsin’s kicker and my new favorite college football player, Rafael Gaglianone, got the big stage he rightfully deserves. Over/under on how many beers big boy had the night before has to be no less than 13.5. He was not only the hero for Wisconsin yesterday — he hit the game-tying and game-winning field goals — but for dad bodies everywhere.

I see your fat guy field goal and raise you a fat guy touchdown. That can’t be his jersey, right? Seems a little snug.

Fifteen yards for hitting a defenseless player? How about for cold-blooded murder?

The only matchup from the Rose Bowl that was remotely close: the ball boys, Red Lightning versus Kwame Mitchell.

In real-time, I thought Jameis and the referee just tripped over themselves. After seeing this replay, it makes so much more sense.

I’m sure Florida State fans will take this well. After all, they never take anything personally or get offended by even the slightest rip of their Seminoles.

“It’ll be okay, babe. Wait, is that a camera? Shit. Maybe if I slowly remove my hand and have a look of sheer terror on my face, my fiancé — who is no doubt watching at home — will completely not think I’m with this guy beside me.”

Excuse me, ma’am, but that is not a toilet. Yes, this is New Orleans, but as a whole, the city is not a toilet. No, “Roll Tide!” is not an acceptable answer for your actions.

Image via Vine

      1. JerryJones

        Did you seriously make this account after watching the FHRITP video that was posted earlier?!?!?

        11 years ago at 1:01 pm
      2. RIP_FHRITP

        No, I’ve needed to make an account for a while and it was the first thing that crossed my mind.

        11 years ago at 1:03 pm
      3. RIP_FHRITP

        Oh shit you weren’t kidding there is the video the post before.

        I’ll take my lap

        11 years ago at 1:08 pm
  3. The Sixth Year

    The college football playoff has made a new holiday for sports fans. Yesterday was awesome.

    Fuck Ohio State, I hope Oregon destroys you.

    11 years ago at 12:39 pm
      1. trhunter9

        Dorn, you’re like the creepy step-dad who tries way to hard to connect with his new wife’s kids

        11 years ago at 12:45 pm
      4. ThurstonHowell_IV

        You can’t just sit back and make the money, can you Dorn? You want us to like you too.

        11 years ago at 10:05 pm
  5. Frat _Jesus

    Jameis saw the deal on crab legs and thought they were a steal, causing him to fall back in surprise.

    11 years ago at 12:40 pm
  6. Frattios and sperrys

    Girl shitting in a pot leads me to believe there is hope for #ButtStuff2015

    11 years ago at 12:46 pm
    1. BuckeyeFratter

      And all the people saying the Big Ten is the worst conference in college football

      11 years ago at 12:54 pm
      1. Sir Fratinald

        I mean all the major conferences are good in there own right and the big 10 is defiantly better then the Pac 12, but looks like we’ll get to see for sure about that in the championship

        11 years ago at 12:58 pm
      3. Grandview

        Nebraska joined the big ten maybe 3 years ago if that and this Marylanders first year In the big ten dumbass choose better examples

        11 years ago at 2:35 am
      4. The Prodigal

        Nebraska had a very close game against USC. Personally, I think firing Bo before the bowl game was a bad decision.

        11 years ago at 3:45 am
    2. ZacBroBand

      They decided to do something more productive with their lives. Like coloring books.

      11 years ago at 12:58 pm
      1. soldier_for_freedom

        One thing the SEC has over everyone is recruiting. With its own network and guaranteed coverage of the player nationally, the SEC is hard to beat when it comes to recruiting. How some SEC teams have played lately could affect how strong their recruiting power is however.

        11 years ago at 1:08 pm
    3. Jonny Plant His Seed

      Saw this coming from a mile away. Only thing I have left to say is fuck you, and good game. The rest of our conferences have been playin’ some damn great football these past couple days.

      11 years ago at 1:29 pm
      1. saa1887

        When one conference stays on top for a decade you can’t say they’re bad all of a sudden when they don’t do so well one year. The SEC will be back next year

        11 years ago at 7:57 am
  10. ZacBroBand

    Seemed like Jameis enjoyed turnovers more than crab legs in yesterday’s blowout.

    11 years ago at 12:55 pm
    1. Jonny Plant His Seed

      Could care less about Oregon, but watching ’em knock some sense into Jameis last night couldn’t of been any sweeter.

      11 years ago at 2:32 pm
  11. ZacBroBand

    “Ohio State is so overrated.They don’t belong in the same stadium as Alabama.” -SEC idiots two days ago

    11 years ago at 1:01 pm