Chipper Jones Live Tweeted Ohio State’s Natty Win With Selfies
11 years ago

When Chipper Jones isn’t marrying former playmates or moonlighting as the deer Grim Reaper, he’s acting like a goon on Twitter, and it’s fantastic. Case in point, the former Braves third baseman just live tweeted the College Football Playoff Championship game communicating almost exclusively through selfies. Someone get this man a Snapchat (or hire him as the Braves hitting coach to resurrect an offense that’s deader than every antlered beast that dares wander onto Jones’s ranch).

Jones had a lot of hot takes throughout the game, like his astonishment at Oregon’s first drive.

(With a “Tommy Boy” reference to boot, a film that was released his rookie year.)

Chipper also had respect for Ezekiel Elliot.

Then he got all excited because his former walk up song was playing.

He wasn’t too wild about Oregon going for it on 4th and goal instead of taking the points so early in the game. No surprise coming from a hitter who made a Hall of Fame career taking what was given him by the pitchers and turning it into a hit. His offensive mantra transcends sports.

His thoughts on Urban Meyer’s offseason QB controversy.

Ohio State’s turnover problems were rough for number 10 to watch.

(Also, possibly his O-face.)

Something about the Oregon D.

On how horny the NFL is going to be for Ezekiel Elliot.

When he was SO over this blowout.

A congrats to Ohio State.

And just for shits and gigs he RT’d Harvey Updyke.

It wouldn’t surprise me if ESPN, Fox, or TBS have at some point since his retirement reached out to Jones to do some sort of studio or booth work, but if they haven’t, they need to slide into his DMs, and by that I mean call his agent, and make an offer as soon as possible. Especially TBS, who every October makes baseball fans suffer through the visual and audio waterboarding that is their dogshit attempt at emulating the infinitely more entertaining NBA on TNT studio show with CRAZY personalities like…Gary Sheffield. Between the total lack of fucks about what other people think when providing his opinion, the women, and the deeply ingrained southernness, Jones is basically already baseball’s Charles Barkley.

Regardless of all that, you keep being you, Chip.

  2. Frapist

    Bacon, do another one of those mean comments videos. Call me sadistic, but nothing gets me harder than seeing you try to shake off insults that obviously crush you inside.

    11 years ago at 12:17 am
  3. Reagonomics_

    Bacon sat in a dimly light room, the scent of lavender wafting through his nostrils as he repeatedly refreshed Jones’ Twitter feed. With his hard, pale, vampire wiener in his hand, he zoomed in on all of the features of ol’ Chip’s face as his small, sweaty hands stroked his meat as fast as possible. The more pictures that were posted, the faster he went. Before long, the finale was posted as Ohio State secured the National Championship, and Bacon’s cries of pale-skinned frustration filled the room as tears fell down his face, realizing that much like the Braves, he just couldn’t seem to finish

    11 years ago at 12:19 am
    2. OneRowdyGentlemen

      You have a bright future in the world of frat romance novels. Take the reigns.

      11 years ago at 2:05 am
  4. _The_Godfather

    So if the TFM writers had their chance we can safely assume that Bacon would blow Chipper Jones, Jack Hammer would jerk off Blake Bortles, and I think the rest of the staff would just take turns tossing Dan Bilzerian’s salad.

    11 years ago at 12:22 am
    1. Frapist

      Can’t leave out that weird fuck Jimmy Tatro. I’m willing to bet top dollar that the intern is currently balls deep in his homemade flesh-light scrolling through the guys Youtube channel..

      11 years ago at 12:37 am
  5. FrattyWooderson

    Bacon, I bet you’re one of those “Thanks to TBS Superstation” Braves fans, aren’t you?

    11 years ago at 12:27 am
  7. Curlsfordagirls

    “Jones had a lot of hot takes throughout the game.” Well, Bacon’s gay.

    11 years ago at 4:18 am
  10. Sleazy Asshole

    Being a fan of a sports team in a city to which you have absolutely no ties. TBaconM.

    11 years ago at 1:39 pm
  11. Uhuh@Moana

    No cred given to Ohio St. and the Big 10 after the virtual beat down on them in your guys’ post on the playoff selection :/ tisk tisk. Kinda disappointed TFM.

    11 years ago at 5:52 pm