The Walton County Sheriff’s Office Wants You To Know Destin, FL Is NOT Your 2016 Spring Break Spot
10 years ago

Screen Shot 2015-05-26 at 4.51.15 PM

Two weeks ago, we reported that Panama City Beach banned alcohol on its beaches in the month of March to thwart unruly spring breakers from soiling their good name and turning their resort town into a hedonistic drug, alcohol and fornication fest. Then last week, we recommended seven alternative spring break destinations to PCB, one of which being just down the road: Destin, Florida. Destin, the quaint, quiet, family-friendly vacation spot is not known for the wild behavior you typically see in Panama City Beach.

Today, we received a snarky as fuck letter from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office, with the intent to let us — and all of you — know that if you’re thinking of booking your spring break trip to Destin next March, you motherfuckers better think again.

Below is that salty letter we received via email.

Screen Shot 2015-05-26 at 4.42.31 PM

Edit: The Patrick Kane reference was just pointed out to me. This guy’s too good.

So snarky, right? I love this letter. Such attitude. They get the point across, too. It was effective. All beach-bound spring breakers have officially been put on notice. The virgin beaches of Destin, Florida will remain virgin as the Walton County Sheriff’s Office has thrown away the key to its spring break chastity belt.

You demented college kids are still free to act like caged horny alcoholics who are set free on the beach for one week per year, but you’re not doing it in Destin, and you’re not doing it on the watch of the Walton County Sheriff’s Office.

“By the looks of your comments you don’t have much support among your comrades anyway.”

This is 100% true, but to be fair, sir, we never have their support.

P.S. Hey Fratrick Kane, get a fucking map, idiot. Have you even been to Whale’s Tale, dude? You’re making us look like morons.

    1. Texas Tux and Oil

      This open letter to a satire website is on the front page of their website, glad to see Florida’s tax dollars hard at work.

      10 years ago at 5:59 pm
    1. FrattyTrappings

      No, they actually are, dumb ass. Pick up a dictionary and check the definition. Or, you know, be cultured enough to know about the Fraternal Order of Police. The armed forces aren’t Greek, but would you ever say they don’t share a fraternal bond? Police are in a similar category. Yeah, the dude’s a fucking douchebag, but don’t deny that the brothers in blue share a special bond.

      10 years ago at 5:54 pm
  10. FrattyTrappings

    You know why you don’t have much support from your comrades? Because you’re a fickle twat, Dorn. Lots of us like twats, but none of us like a twat you can’t count on.

    10 years ago at 5:47 pm
  11. fleshtiger69

    Regardless, I think we can all agree that Dorn is a massive pussy and a sell-out well past his prime who probably couldn’t even finish a game of Edward Forty-Hands anymore

    10 years ago at 5:49 pm
    3. Gamefrock69

      Yeah I’m gonna need to see Dorn go the full rounds of Edward 40 hands with two Hurricanes before I can be sure he’s still got it

      10 years ago at 1:12 pm