According To Study, Drinking Lots Of Coffee Gives You A Strong Ass Dick
This explains so much.
On any given work day, I don’t stand up from my desk from about 9:30 in the morning until 11:00-ish because, during that time, I’m usually wrangling a wild lap hog that snuck up on me from under my desk. Now I know why. It’s all the damn coffee I drink out of my penguin/snowman mug (pictured above). Seriously, is that a penguin or a snowman? Nobody knows. It has the little penguin wings, but that’s a carrot nose, is it not? Mind-blowing. Frustrating.
Anyway, a recent study from the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston has revealed that, for men over 20 years old, drinking multiple cups of coffee makes your dick “stronger.” Just gives you a strong ass dick.
From New Now Next:
A study conducted by the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston shows that men over the age of 20 who drink two or three cups of caffeinated coffee report less instances of erectile dysfunction than men who laid off the bean.
One of the authors of the study, Run Wang, explains that caffeine shares many properties with ED medication like Viagra. The stimulant found in both relaxes the arteries, and allows for more blood flow into the penis, causing an erection.
There you have it, you little weak dick bastards. Drink more coffee and get yourself a strong ass dick..
[via New Now Next]
Staying late at the office, Dorn? Want me to bring you some warm milk?
10 years ago at 10:29 pmThe author’s name being Wang makes me question this article’s credibility.
10 years ago at 10:30 pmI know this article is legit because Dorn wrote it. Always trust Dorn when it comes to penises, he knows his stuff.
10 years ago at 10:49 pmIt sounds like a pledge name, but Run Wang is a urologist in Houston.
10 years ago at 2:58 amAll this article taught me is that Dorn drinks out of his grandmother’s mug.
10 years ago at 10:30 pmI was about to say “it’s a penguin you fucking idiot” then did a double take and was like whoa.
10 years ago at 10:37 pmIt’s mind bottling
10 years ago at 11:09 pmI think you mean boggling, guy.
10 years ago at 3:16 amI think someone’s too young to have seen blades of glory, friend.
10 years ago at 9:11 amIts a penguin, although some artistic liberties have been taken such as the blue feathers and the orange feet and beak.
10 years ago at 9:42 amGod damn it what is that mug? It has to be a penguin right?
10 years ago at 10:37 pmIt’s a penguin mug sold at Target. Can we say that this is settled and now address Dorn searching for Viagra substitutes?
10 years ago at 12:00 amAsking the hard hitting questions that matter. Get this guy a job on Fox News.
10 years ago at 11:09 amListen up Dorno, the reason you have a boner when you drive by the elementary school every morning isn’t because of the coffee.
10 years ago at 10:40 pmYawn
10 years ago at 11:45 pmNever thought I’d say it but I’m getting a little tired of the Dorn’s a pederass jokes. Either step up the originality/creativity or don’t make them at all.
10 years ago at 12:06 amdo less
10 years ago at 12:37 amI officially hate people who say do less now. Fuck you
10 years ago at 5:52 amUpon a detailed inspection, the mug is both penguin and snowman, which is unacceptable. Just get rid of the mug, Dorn. It has to go.
10 years ago at 10:41 pmSay “strong ass dick” one more time Dorno..
10 years ago at 10:43 pmStrong ass dick
10 years ago at 11:05 pmYou’re an animal
10 years ago at 11:32 pmThats a fucked up snowman.
10 years ago at 10:49 pmSlow night at the weenie hut dorn? Had to go back to the office?
10 years ago at 10:54 pmWeenie Hut Juniors. Timeless throwback of a Spognebob episode. No shame here
10 years ago at 11:54 pmSuper Weenie Hut Juniors is more to Dorn’s liking
10 years ago at 12:37 amI’m seriously going to try to work “weenie hut” into my vocabulary. I can’t stop laughing at that for some reason.
10 years ago at 10:23 am