“Things Heard In The Goldman Sachs Elevator” Is Now A Book, And It’s Insane

Ryan Young10 years ago

A couple years ago, the TFM Office came across the @GSElevator Twitter feed, and we loved that shit. Hilarious quotes and unfiltered life philosophy straight from the mouths of the Wall Street big dicks. Elitist comedy of the highest level delivered in the perfect format.

#1: I never give money to homeless people. I can’t reward failure in good conscience.

— GSElevator (@GSElevator) August 8, 2012

#1: Can we please stop calling them hipsters and go back to calling them pussies?

— GSElevator (@GSElevator) August 12, 2013

#1: From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

— GSElevator (@GSElevator) June 24, 2013

Then TFM ran a piece about the @GSElevator account that compiled a list of our favorite tweets. The list went super-viral and became TFM’s most read piece of 2013.

The mastermind behind the account maintained a steel curtain of anonymity, but I managed to engage with the unidentified career banker himself through the anonymous email address in his bio. Initially, he typed to me in some sort of code comprised of odd formatting and illogical punctuation. He was clearly a man covering his tracks with justifiable paranoia setting in, yet with the continued balls to keep fucking with the biggest, baddest financial institution there is. I had to ally with this dude.

After shooting the shit about Twitter strategy and on expanding @GSElevator’s voice, he began contributing profound life tips and hilarious stories to TFM.

They are damn good reads and you can see them all HERE.

I hit up our literary agent that we worked with on the Total Frat Move book and said, “Man, this has to be a book, right?” He agreed, did his agent thing, and that book was released today. God bless America.

It’s titled “Straight to Hell” and is authored by John Lefevre, the real man behind the infamous Twitter account.

He was eventually outed after a nationwide internet manhunt, in which Goldman was rumored to have paid three million dollars, and nearly every business blogger in the country researched every lead to finally reveal his identity.

As you can see by the first photo released in the media, Lefevre is straight owning it, and with the possibility of being uncovered no longer a thought, he has zero fucks to give and lets it all out. His best stories, the most outrageous things heard in the Goldman Sachs Elevator, and raw insight on the fucked up world of finance, compiled in one goddamn masterpiece.

A few of the stories you will get to live in the book:

– Getting drunk, buying a cherry red Maserati convertible, and totaling it a week later.

– Getting kicked out of The Four Seasons after living there for six months.

– Trading cocaine and hookers for business from hedge fund clients, and expensing it all.

– Doing billion-dollar deals with Indonesian thugs, Chinese billionaires, and American blue chips.

– Having a boss who calls hiring women the “Office Beautification Project.”

– Hazing a new analyst by making him poll the entire office to determine the “most fuckable” sales chick.

– Replacing the contents of a colleague’s suitcase with gay porn.

– Giving hedge fund buddies inside information in exchange for expensive wine dinners.

– Meeting your boss for the first time and then watching him get a BJ 30 minutes later.

And that’s only the beginning…

Grab a copy at Amazon or on iTunes.

WARNING!: If you’re a finance or business major and neglect to read the teachings within this book, you won’t make it very far at Goldman. In fact, you’ll most likely end up in the mailroom at Morgan Stanley..