FOX’s Holly Sonders Is Going To Prom With Some Scrawny 16-Year-Old Punk

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FOX’s resident golf minx, Michigan State Spartan, and former flame of yours truly, Holly Sonders, has always had a heart of gold. And by former flame, I mean we’d lock eyes in the hallways of GC, I’d smile, and she’d immediately pull out her iPhone to stare down at to avoid another second of interaction with a lowly intern. It was electric. I totally understand, Hol. It was nothing personal. You just got to have standards. Which is why this move you pulled over the weekend makes no sense at all.

Andrew Orischak, some 16-year-old junior amateur punk, made a bet with the long-legged, mini-skirt wearing, bronze vixen before the U.S. Junior Amateur this past weekend that if he walked away with the championship, she’d accompany him to his prom next spring. Fair enough. I respect the kid’s hustle, but he held a five-hole lead with eight to play, only to fold like a deck of cards being assembled by Walt Jr. from Breaking Bad.

The story should end there: Andrew blew it, and it’ll haunt him until his dying day. Except despite Andrew’s epic collapse, Holly has agreed to go with him — strictly out of pity.

From Golf Digest:

I know how crushing that must be for a teenager. I remember what it was like playing on the same stage many years ago (I won’t say how many.). Andrew put his heart and soul into the week, and we all could see how upset he was last evening.

I was having dinner with my mom and decided to tweet Andrew that my offer to accompany him to the prom was still on.

So, next spring we’ll go to his prom if he wants me to be his date. I’ll need a dress. And you better believe my Fox crew will be involved. They’re fighting over who can be the chaperone, our driver, photographer, etc. We’re all about bringing fun to golf.

This is “every kid gets a trophy” taken to the 100th power. If I was Andrew, I’d feel like a complete charity case. Not to mention, going to prom with any notable TV personality — a married one at that — never goes down the way your perverted teenage mind plans it out beforehand. You’ll snap a few pics, be chaperoned and slapped away by some assistant the entire night if you get too handsy, and best case scenario, you get a kiss on the cheek for your troubles.

Granted, maybe that’s exactly what you deserve. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen, losers awkwardly try to hide their full torqued hard-ons in their waistbands after slightly brushing shoulders with a celebrity.

[via Golf Digest]

Image via Youtube

    1. Runk1855

      He meant 5 hole lead dick. Saw this happen live. You could see the kid crumble, as if Holly herself was letting the opponent finger blast her right in front of him.

      9 years ago at 12:52 pm
      1. Keep It Buttery

        Exactly. Barbaree, the kid who won it, took that geed to town on the final stretch of that round.

        9 years ago at 12:29 am
  1. DillonChereveve

    The twerp will lie about how far he got with her for the rest of his life.

    9 years ago at 12:52 pm
  2. FratsAndStats

    she kinda looks like madison ivy in 15 years after the porn and coke take effect

    9 years ago at 12:54 pm
    1. VoiceOfReason11

      Playing collegiate golf beats pledging a fraternity to pay for friends.

      9 years ago at 2:17 pm
      1. Bush Light

        You’re not funny nor are you going to be well-liked around here. Save yourself the pain and kindly get the fuck out.

        9 years ago at 2:47 pm
      2. FearTheJacket

        I think Hogarth or StallonDaMan made a new account. This should get interesting…

        9 years ago at 9:38 pm
      3. ThursdayNightClub

        What website do you think you are on, Chump? I would tell you to get ready to lace them up in a big time, but I doubt you would understand what I mean….

        9 years ago at 2:22 pm
      4. DornsFather94

        Shouldn’t you be trying to hand out some type of flyer outside of a library about stopping oil fracking or some other kind of dumb shit you fucking geed

        9 years ago at 3:17 pm
      5. HonoraryMember

        I wasn’t even in a fraternity and know that you’re not paying for friends, you’re paying for ragers, house maintenance, various other perks, future associated benefits, etc. Your voice seems to lack reason, buddy.

        9 years ago at 5:51 pm
  3. ThursdayNightClub

    Dan, let’s be honest – she avoided you at all costs because she actually saw you swing a golf club – it’s that simple. Hell, I doubt I could look you in the eye since you scarred my entire being w/ that swing….

    9 years ago at 12:56 pm
    1. Shut up Meg

      She didnt deserve you then and she doesnt deserve now dan, keep marchin on. #blackballhelmetstickers

      9 years ago at 1:13 pm
  4. dingos_lil_5

    I would have said, send me a picture of your knockers and ill be just as happy.

    9 years ago at 12:59 pm
  5. VoiceOfReason11

    Dan, this is a 16-year-old kid you are talking about. No one thinks you are funny; only bitter.

    9 years ago at 1:30 pm