The Morning Bump: Carpe Diem
Got something you think should be featured in The Morning Bump? Email it to me at Ross@TotalFratMove.com.
Mornings are dog shit. You’re tired and hungover, but you have to get out of bed and do stuff. So you could use a little motivation. A little pick-me-up. A little morning bump, if you will. Well here you go, dude. Put this metaphorical straw to your nose and snort.
Get Your Blood Pumping
Starting your day with coffee is fine. But starting your day with unnecessarily intense and fast-paced crunches while the blood-curdling screams of innocent women serve as background music for your workout is way more hardcore. Do you want to be fine or do you want to be hardcore? That’s a rhetorical question, you buffoon. Be less like you, and more like Patrick Bateman. That’s how you’ll dominate today. Now get out there and jam some Huey Lewis & the News.
Carpe Diem
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, motherfucker. Carpe diem, hoe. Seize the day, trick. Who knows — it could be your last. After you’re done cranking out crunches in white boxers while absorbing the delicious sound of a roaring chainsaw, think on that shit. Think on how you can make today a valuable day. Think on the difference between you and every loser you know out there just floating through life like a lump of crap, and how you can widen the gap between yourself and those turds. Don’t just live — live well, and hard. Live erect.
Thank God You Don’t Have To Do This Shit
Remember that time you had to storm a beach filled with Nazis in an attempt to save the free world? Neither do I. Thank God you don’t have to do that shit. Thank God someone else did it for you. Thank your lucky stars that there were men with the strength and courage to stand up and say, “That’s enough, ass clown,” to every evil son of a bitch that attempted to make this world a shittier place before your time. Remember how much blood was spilt for you to live the way you live, and earn that shit today.
Laugh It Up, Bitch
Nothing like a good laugh to even things out after watching a brutal war scene and taking a few minutes to think about how lucky you are. So laugh it up, son. Give us a good, hearty belly laugh. If someone asks, “What’s so funny?” then respond, “Your face,” and resume laughing.
COME ON!
Now put on your $6,500 suit, get out there and kick some ass..
I know its dramatized, but Saving Private Ryan, the Hurt Locker, American Sniper, etc. always gives me a greater appreciation for our troops. If its even a third of that intensity (and likely reality is 100000x more) I’d probably not be able to handle it. Thank God we have real people who can. God bless american
10 years ago at 7:42 amAmerica** but American sums up everything I love as well
10 years ago at 7:43 amThat list could much longer but it is very true. There are bad war films but those three aren’t them. When veterans were walking out of Saving Private Ryan because PTSD was acting up 50 years later a realistic depiction has been made. God bless Steven Spielberg and God bless out troops.
10 years ago at 8:31 amWorld War 2 was 70 years ago you mother fucking dumb ass.
10 years ago at 8:37 amThe movie was out in ’98. Math is tough.
10 years ago at 8:46 amProbably before he was even born.
10 years ago at 10:52 amRelax man
10 years ago at 8:47 amSomeone’s sitting at their computer thinking “Fuck, I’m stupid”.
10 years ago at 9:40 am1. It’s God bless America, not ‘american’. Capitalize that shit next time boy. And 2. God is not real, jeez didn’t science class teach you anything? We know English didn’t.
10 years ago at 8:57 am1. Fuck off. 2. Drink bleach. Sincerely everyone.
10 years ago at 10:33 amThe first 3 are probably the best collection of movies we have seen on this.
10 years ago at 8:27 amNothing to do with this article, but the number of high schoolers on this website is fucking out of hand.
10 years ago at 9:50 amI remember when you had to actually be in college to be on Facebook. Times change unfortunately
10 years ago at 10:26 amJust read a bio of a Rushee that read “Brews, Babes, Bitches, Boobs, Bongs, and Brewskis is what I’m all about.” This skew in age is a disturbing trend
10 years ago at 12:05 pmBlackball that guy immediately
10 years ago at 12:30 pmLol you’re fucking jelly that were about to go through pledging which is the best time you only want to experience once. Then we have 7 semesters to fucking live it up fuckboy. Meanwhile you are in your cubicle at office reading TFM articles and doing mock fantasy football drafts hating your job bringing in a solid income but wishing you could go back and relive those golden years.
10 years ago at 1:37 pmYou forgot the part where no one gives you a bid.
10 years ago at 4:09 pmEasy there “geed_N_proud”. In all honesty, if you go into your school’s rush with an attitude like that, you won’t be pledging at all. Also, any fraternity man worth his salt knows that the celebratory Victory lap is the way to go, so we’re looking at a minimum of 9 semesters post-pledgeship. Tone it down, shooter.
10 years ago at 4:12 pmGolden years where I was piss broke? A year and a half later I’m raking in more money than I know what to do with and probably party harder than I did while I was in school. Ages 22-26 are the golden years bud
10 years ago at 12:28 pmYeah pledging is fun even though at Alabama it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But you know what’s more fun than pledging? Being a fucking brother.
10 years ago at 12:31 pmWhat a damn great collection of films and actors. American Psycho, the late Robin Williams, SPR and Will Ferrell. A tip of the cap to you on today’s morning bump, Bolen.
10 years ago at 1:02 pm