Mailbag: I’m 20, In School, And My Girlfriend Is Pregnant

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Bringing a child into this world before you’re ready, or anywhere close to it, can be a pretty terrifying scenario and something that has been on everyone’s mind at some point in their young lives. I’m surprised we haven’t covered it yet, actually.

Knocking up your girlfriend as a 20-year-old college student can certainly derail your semester, your remaining time in college, and possibly even your intended career path — also your life because having a kid will ruin it and make you hate yourself and you’ll lose all your friends and you’ll be waist deep in shit-filled diapers and you’ll be working low-wage jobs to make ends meet and you’ll never sleep in again or go out with the boys and you’ll have a shotgun wedding when she’s eight months preggers and her body will go to shit which is sad because she’s so young but you’re stuck with her for the rest of your miserable life and your friends will have awesome lives without you because they didn’t have any kids.

Okay, it’s not that bad. But how bad is it? Well, it depends how you respond. In this week’s Mailbag, we hear from a college student who got his girlfriend pregnant. He doesn’t know how to handle it and seeks my advice. His email is below.

Dear Dorn,

Recently I found out my girlfriend is pregnant, what do I do? We’ve only been dating for 6 months and is this a career ending consequence that’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life we are pro choice but it’s a tough call.

P.S
should i just move out of the country?

I asked him his age and if we was currently in school.

20 and yes I am.

If you’re 20, I assume you’re a third-year. Graduation can’t be too far away. Considering that baby has some cooking to do before it enters this world and you’re responsible for keeping a real life human being alive, you can finish out the school year, mix in a ton of summer classes, then you’ll be able to eke out a diploma with night/weekend classes while taking care of the little shit.

You’re probably also going to need to work. Diapers, baby formula, clothes, tiny little baby sneakers, doctor visits — someone’s got to pay for all of it. Unless you are fortunate enough to have parents who are willing to fund your new life as a student-parent, you’ll need to be bringing home some cheddar. It’s going to be very difficult — don’t get me wrong — but it’s doable.

And when you decided unprotected sex was worth the risk of possibly impregnating your girlfriend, you surrendered the privilege of blaming anyone other than yourself for this little mishap.

I am not about to go into the whole abortion thing, either. Not gonna do it. No way I’m going to be responsible for possibly swaying a decision that heavy.

Condoms. They’re not so bad. Everyone should wear them, all the time. Just do it. Just wear them. Wear a condom. Wear that condom. Wear that condom like the potential result of not wearing it is derailing your current life path to take on the excruciating, lifelong commitment of raising and caring and paying for a human person. Just wear a condom. Wear a condom, guys. Go put a condom on right now. I don’t care if you’re chillin at the crib all alone watching this terrible Browns-Bengals game. Go put a condom on. You never know when you’ll trip and fall into some sex. Just wear a fucking condom. Wear. A. Condom. Wear them.

Condoms.

  1. The Sixth Year

    Get that girl on the pill. Fuck condoms with your girlfriend, I’m sorry.

    10 years ago at 9:41 pm
    1. Asteroid

      I’m no scientist but I think he’s passed the point where the pill would be helpful.

      10 years ago at 2:26 am
      1. The Sixth Year

        I believe you know I was giving advice to the general population for the future. The physics and laws of human development would make the pill useless in this guy’s case, correct.

        10 years ago at 10:27 am
    2. TBronePickens

      You know, other than the fact that the pill isn’t 100% effective, yeah, sure.

      10 years ago at 5:59 pm
    1. FreinerNeverSleeps

      Mailbag: I’m 20, In School, And My Girlfriend Is Pregnant.
      This clear things up?

      10 years ago at 9:42 am
  2. geed_N_proud

    If I get a girl pregnant (which I never will because I don’t get laid), the least of my concerns would be emailing Dorn for advice.

    10 years ago at 9:46 pm
  3. fortheGipper

    Just don’t marry you lady yet, and let the govt pick up the bill until you’re financially ready!

    But in all seriousness, stick with it and it’ll be worth it in the long run.

    You’ll have a blast being that drunk dad vicariously living through your boys athletic career, while watching him put the rest of the unathletic pussy’s to shame. He’ll look to you for advice how to hunt, drink, and pick up chicks. You can tell him all about how much poon dear-old dad used to crush back in the day. You will make the biggest difference in his life, and he will make a positive impact on yours too.

    Unless, of course, you have a daughter. In that case, just pray she doesn’t one day end up as an IBOTD.

    10 years ago at 9:46 pm