Nebraska Fans Are Trying To Pawn Off Their New Football Coach On Craigslist
Things aren’t so hot in Lincoln right now.
After firing former head coach and cartoon villain Bo Pelini for being unable to break over the 9-win hump, the Cornhuskers made a less-than-stellar move and replaced him with the ever milquetoast Mike Riley. How is it working? Well, Nebraska is 3-6 with road losses to Illinois and Purdue and fans have started petitions to fire Riley less than 10 games into his tenure. So, yeah, things have been better in Lincoln.
One charming Nebraska fan (if you didn’t know, all Nebraskans are nice and good people) posted an ad to Craigslist attempting to sell away the rights to the Cornhusker football coach:
From Craigslist:
This football coach was taken in at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln eleven months ago, saved from a sad situation in Corvallis, OR. We assumed that, given a better, more luxurious home, he would adapt to his surroundings and thrive in his new environment. This hasn’t been the case. It’s now clear that a larger home with greater responsibilities is not the place for him. He would be better off with a gentler home where less is expected of him.
Despite his failures during his time in Nebraska, he is still unbelievably nice (almost to a fault). No matter what the situation, he can be seen with a smile, whether that’s what you want from him or not. He is kind and calm, and won’t disrupt you or upset anyone in charge of him with his behavior. That’s why we brought him in in the first place (his predecessor had behavioral issues that no one could solve).
We believe if brought to a quaint, humble home he would be a beloved addition. His demeanor will convince you that everything will be okay with him around (the effect may wear off after ~8 months). But we are more than willing to give him away if anyone would like to take him.
P.S. If interested, we may also be able to come to a deal on an athletic director in a similar situation.
Poor Nebraska fans. At some point, they are going to have to realize they aren’t elite anymore. It’s hard to recruit to a state where the only hint of diversity comes from what kind of crop you grow.
I’m sure someone will take Riley off their hands. Maybe that one school down in Orlando could use him? Either way, it looks like it’s almost time for Mike to get out of Dodge..
[via Craigslist]
Can TFM pawn you off on Craigslist?
10 years ago at 9:49 amYou’d have a tough time finding an buyer for a two-bit writer with a likely chromosomal disorder. With all the shit he leaves around this website, it’s fair to say he isn’t house broken either.
10 years ago at 10:02 amDon’t speak so soon. The black market is still thriving, and there’s always someone who needs a new liver.
10 years ago at 1:21 pmI find that offensive to the white markets if the world.
10 years ago at 2:49 pm“It’s hard to recruit to a state where the only hint of diversity comes from what kind of crop you grow.” What the hell are you talking about, they grow corn Steve. Corn isn’t exactly diverse, go back to the city.
10 years ago at 9:54 amNot to be technical, but a lot of their agriculture is devoted to the various components of silage.
10 years ago at 10:19 amSilage up here is made ENTIRELY of corn. Corn stalk, corn husk, corn cob, corn kernels, corn leaves…. corn.
10 years ago at 3:03 pmThen how come they grow so much hay and milo up there? Huh?
10 years ago at 6:52 pmDepends on the operation, if you want to call for the closest possible situation to what you’re referring: they will sometimes mix hay or milo in large mixing trucks/implements with the silage directly before feeding it depending on what ration they are trying to achieve. The silage itself is still entirely made of corn, it is just mixed with different additives right before being fed in this particular case. (I’m a cattleman and farmer in Iowa)
10 years ago at 8:29 amYou make your silage purely from corn it will be way too dry. You have to add in some layers of milo and alfalfa to make it stackable and to increase the nutrient content.
10 years ago at 10:31 amIncorrect, that may be the case down south, but not up here. It is chopped in its entirety while it still has a higher moisture content and packed straight out of the field and put under tarp. If we need additional nutrient content, it is added just before it is fed in the form of DDGs (bi-product of ethanol production), ground hay, straight corn, ect. I have no idea why people are giving me laps above because I’ve been doing this literally my entire life.
10 years ago at 3:08 pmDon’t know what you’re talking about with that Up Here, Down South shit. I was born and raised on a farm in Winner, South Dakota and I can tell good silage just by rolling a ball of it in my hand. And pure corn silage is shit silage.
10 years ago at 2:29 amBTW: the process you describe results in silage with severe digestibility issues. I feel sorry for your livestock.
10 years ago at 11:30 amContrary to what you may think, there is more than one way to feed an animal and make silage. I too have been doing this since I was born in Iowa, and my father is a professor in an animal nutrition class, so please put your dick away, because this pissing match is dumb. I’m not saying you’re doing it wrong, I’m not saying you’re doing it right; I’m saying that’s how it’s done primarily around here.
10 years ago at 8:18 amI’m trolling you, dude. I don’t know silage from shitlage. I just threw out some stuff I heard my ex-girlfriend’s father say, and watched you go all Alpha Gamma Rho. Jesus.
10 years ago at 12:38 pmThat moment when your trolling is so advanced, some sucker takes you seriously. I nod my head in your general direction.
10 years ago at 1:33 pmCan the rest of the nation quit believing that we got rid of Bo because he could only win 9 games? We got rid of him because he threw more temper tantrums than a 2 year old and he did away with any sort of class we had left after Callahan. He also couldn’t win the games that mattered. Any decent coach should be able to win 7-9 games with the schedules we had.
10 years ago at 9:54 amThey picked Riley because they knew he would be nice and presentable. And in doing so, fucked us over entirely.
Show us your tits
10 years ago at 10:04 amWondered how long I’d get away with posting before I got that.
10 years ago at 10:16 amConsider yourself lucky for it taking this long. Now show us your tits.
10 years ago at 10:32 amAs I understand it, you got rid of Bo because he could only win 9 games.
10 years ago at 10:55 amWill they accept payment in ears of corn?
10 years ago at 9:56 amDidn’t they fire your ass?
10 years ago at 9:56 amSo a duck walks into a bar and sits down. He says to the bartender, “Hey, do you have any grapes?” The bartender looks and him and says, “No, this is a bar, we don’t serve grapes.” The ducks gets up off the stool and leaves. Next day, the duck comes in and asks for grapes and again, the bartender tells him they don’t serve grapes. On the third day the bartender notices the duck come in and again the duck asks for grapes. The bartender loses it, “I fucking told you the last two days that this is a bar, and if you come in again asking for grapes, I’m gonna nail your goddamn bill to the bar.” Duck leaves. The fourth day the duck comes in and sits in the same spot as the last three and asks the bartender, “Do you have any nails?” A bit confused, the bartender says, “Uh no, I don’t.” So the ducks says, “Well in that case, do you have any grapes?”
10 years ago at 9:56 amWhy did I bother reading this shit
10 years ago at 10:00 amThought a joke would be better than this article, didn’t realize you were such a Holt fan
10 years ago at 10:20 amSteve Holt is the duck.
10 years ago at 10:01 amSteve Holt is the pile of shit on the ground outside of the bar that isn’t even worthy of being mentioned in the joke.
10 years ago at 12:44 amWhat kind of management let’s a piece of shit sit outside their bar for four days?
10 years ago at 6:49 amHusker Football and Steve Holt have both gotten shittier with time.
10 years ago at 9:57 amLike I always say “fuck nebraska.”
10 years ago at 9:58 amPlease think “Will this make me look like a dumbass?” before posting, you really aren’t doing Iowa any favors.
10 years ago at 10:04 amSorry Mr. Shake, I’ll try not to suck next time. 🙁
10 years ago at 11:07 amJust think, if Steve Holt hadn’t been trolling the Lincoln Craigslist’s ‘men seeking men’ section, we would’ve never found this gem. Thank you, Steve.
10 years ago at 10:03 amTreating human beings as property. TSlaveryM.
10 years ago at 10:03 am