This Hipster-Terrorist Might Be The Most Unlikable Human On Planet Earth
I don’t yet know what to make of this situation because 20 minutes ago, before I knew such a character could even exist on this earth, I’d have told you that being a terrorist is the most deplorable way to spend your life, and thus, anyone wearing this label is the most widely hated. It doesn’t get more despicable than devoting your time on this planet to committing genocide and torturing people who don’t share your ideologies.
Then I was introduced to 23-year-old Aws Mohammed Younis Al-Jayab — a legit terrorist — and now I’m so confused. I’m confused on multiple levels.
First of all, how does a radical Islamist become a coiffed-hair hipster? Doesn’t the hipster lifestyle directly conflict with their beliefs and way of life? Like I’m pretty sure Al-Jayab turns up at the club? Just poppin bottles and tossing clouds and taking Molly and grinding away on dance floors. This guy fucking vapes. And I’m pretty sure he googled something like “haircut desired by American women” and copied it exactly, when the wildly unkempt vibe seems to be most prevalent in terrorist rings. This guy knows the perfect Instagram filter for any setting and $100 says he has a fresh pair of Js at home.
Now I don’t know if I hate him more for simply being a terrorist or for half-assing the whole terrorism bit so he can simultaneously maintain respect on the Sacramento hipster scene.
Like one minute he’s cleaning his throwback Russian SKS and the next he’s shopping online for two-toned Ray Ban Clubmasters. It’s just not working for me. Be dedicated to one life or don’t dedicate yourself at all. Your boys in Syria won’t trust you to detonate that vest if you show up for the job in joggers and retro Chuck Taylors. Wear a robe for me one time.
I guess it’s important to note that Al-Jayab was picked up and booked on charges related to being a dirty little terrorist-hipster.
From Daily Mail:
The Iraqi-born Palestinian man was arrested Thursday in Sacramento, California on charges he was plotting to travel to Syria to join the al-Nusra Front terrorist organization.
According to a criminal complaint against Al-Jayab, he communicated on social media about his intentions to return to Syria and also lied to citizenship officials about his travels to the country and ties to terrorist organizations.
Thankfully, he’s shitty at terrorism, getting popped like this and all. Shitty terrorist, idiot hipster, stupid hair. No one likes him. Have fun in jail..
[via Daily Mail]
Images via Facebook
I hope they make him vape bleach in Gitmo.
10 years ago at 2:18 pmNot with our terrorist in chief. He’ll be shipped to sand land first class
10 years ago at 3:05 pmYou were dropped on your head a bunch as a kid weren’t you?
10 years ago at 9:29 pmHe should go to a regular federal prison where they could give him an Aryan Brotherhood cellmate. I’d be OK with that.
10 years ago at 3:31 pmCalifornia is a terrorist state. NF
10 years ago at 2:18 pmRight?!?! Terrorism has never happened anywhere else in America like Oklahoma or New York. Shut up, you fucking moron.
10 years ago at 2:21 pmCalm your tits.
10 years ago at 2:24 pmPretty sure you cant fly a flag in cali without offending some bean burger eating douchenozzle.
10 years ago at 2:26 pmOr beaner.
10 years ago at 12:39 amAccording to statistics I just made up, all terrorists come from California. Every single one.
10 years ago at 2:27 pmCant argue with numbers
10 years ago at 2:32 pmLet’s build a wall around California and make them pay for it.
10 years ago at 2:53 pmAs long as you convince Californians that doing that would keep from offending someone they would go for it. They love taxing people
10 years ago at 3:09 pmFuck them all to death.
10 years ago at 3:11 pmJust so you understand a little economics, California is not made up entirely of liberals, the Central Valley and wealthy parts of L.A. Are some of the most conservative areas in the country. ( I’m from a ranching family in the Central Valley)
10 years ago at 5:22 pmWhatever you California hippy
10 years ago at 7:08 pmIf you think driving an 8 cylinder truck and having living on a 4000 acre ranch, while simultaneously major in in ag business is what hippies do, then call me bob Marley.
10 years ago at 9:21 pmOvercompensation. TFM?
10 years ago at 9:35 pmHi, Bob Marley. I thought you were dead.
10 years ago at 1:34 pmExactly. I’m from up north and its in a die hard red district.
10 years ago at 11:01 pmThis isn’t the first time I’ve ever been thankful cleavage
10 years ago at 1:23 amI fail to see how you helped me understand economics more…
10 years ago at 12:10 pmOrange County hasn’t voted for a democrat since FDR and that’s something we’re proud of.
10 years ago at 1:27 amNever trust a man in a beenie.
10 years ago at 2:18 pmHe’s from the Bay Area, he’s a hipster, and he hates America. Color me shocked.
10 years ago at 2:22 pmEvery time I to go to San Francisco and some idiot hipster wants to start a debate about their liberal idealisim…
10 years ago at 4:41 pmThe most liberal place in America has the highest cost of living? Who would have guessed?
10 years ago at 6:22 pmit’s pseudo liberal.
10 years ago at 9:52 pmYou’re a pseudo nerd.
10 years ago at 3:34 amCalifornia has the largest GDP out of any state in the US by a margin of the GDP of every SEC state, save Texas. Your basis to attack liberalism, while encouraged, shouldn’t rest on the fact that a a Francisco is a liberal city, it makes you look lazy and pedestrian.
10 years ago at 3:20 amBeing from San Francisco and having a family full of republicans I can definitely tell you it sucks out here. Sure it’s fun and easy going but the minute you bring up politics you get these neo-pc democrats who are democrats just because there parents are shouting about how much damage republicans are doing to the country. Ask them one legit question on politics and they don’t know what to say. All they do is yell about what they see on tv.
10 years ago at 11:03 pmI know liberals who say the same thing about the south. The world is odd that way…
10 years ago at 11:30 pmI just plain don’t like you
10 years ago at 3:49 pmSacramento is not the Bay Area. It’s a common mistake.
10 years ago at 10:59 pmComing from the East Bay, right across from San Francisco. Most of my liberal associates assume that me being conservative means that I’m a Donald Trump supporter. Coming from a conservative family, you really just have to bite your tongue when talking with people. One friend said, “psh, nobody becomes a republican by choice.” To which I countered, “Life forced me to grow up. Life is hard and it sometimes sucks. I’m sorry, I’m not dumb enough to think a fairy tale can become a reality. Happily ever after isn’t going to be true for everybody.”
10 years ago at 2:15 pmI’ve never wished another man be prison raped more than him. I hope they rape the shit shit out of him.
10 years ago at 2:22 pmRaping the shit out of out him in a literal sense is a distinct possibility where he’s headed.
10 years ago at 2:28 pmHopefully he will get passed around by all the prison gangs.
10 years ago at 3:12 pm“I hope you like the taste of prison food, and penis.”
10 years ago at 5:47 pmIs his real name Steve Holt?
10 years ago at 3:20 pmNot sure I would call this pubesniffer a “legit” terrorist, Dillon. From your account, it seems like it’s more that he is a fuckwad California pillow-biter of middle-eastern heritage and tweeted at some ISIS plebes that he wanted to join them. Guarantee if that dude actually showed up they would just hold him for ransom or some shit.
10 years ago at 3:29 pmHe would be pure royalty. An American national turned terrorist? Gold propaganda my man. He would get all the goat ass he wants over there.
10 years ago at 3:57 pmActually a lot of American and UK nationals that go to join ISIL end up cleaning bathrooms and other such menial work for them and try to come back. Luckily then they’re considered traitors to the Islamic State and killed by its members.
10 years ago at 12:37 amI’d rather have him go to the Middle East and be bombed to dog shit in a drone strike.
10 years ago at 3:32 pmThat’s too easy of a death and would make him a martyr. Sending him to a federal prison makes me much happier inside.
10 years ago at 5:56 pmEnjoy your cock-meat sandwich in Gitmo, fuck face.
10 years ago at 3:38 pmFlexing with his celica
10 years ago at 3:44 pm