See How Much Money It Would Take For Americans To Kick A Puppy, Make A Sex Tape, Murder Someone, Etc.

Dan Regester10 years ago

A new survey conducted by OnePoll.com proved that some people will do virtually anything to add a few commas to their bank statements, and that other people are enormous fucking liars.

6 percent of those surveyed — and 12 percent of all men in the study — said they would commit murder for $1 billion. One in ten polled would light a church on fire, commit treason against the United States, assault a stranger with a deadly weapon, or assist in pushing some suicidal lunatic with a rope tied around his neck off a bridge for the same price.

That’s billion with a “B.”

“B” as in bullshit, you would do all of this without blinking an eye for that much dough.

I’d burn down an entire orphanage full of Congressmen’s illegitimate hooker children and pistol whip a nun on the way out before going home and pulling the plug on my vegetative state grandfather’s feeding tube for only a few Benjamin Franklins. If you didn’t answer yes to all the above, you’re not a morally sound person, you’re a fraudulent asshole.

For a lowly grand, fifteen percent of those examined would shoplift or bet on a fixed sporting event. Forget the thousand dollars — you’re telling me — if you knew a boxer was going to take a dive, you wouldn’t put your entire life savings on the exact round he got KO’d? Kindly go suck your self righteous dick, other 85 percent.

At a cool milli, one in ten Americans would make a porno. Every no had to be a woman, right? Even though the majority of them already have a video or eight somewhere on their ex-boyfriend’s laptop. You don’t deserve to have a schlong if you wouldn’t hop in the bangbus for anything over a “2 for 20” meal at Chilis.

Easily the hardest question of this ridiculous survey, is whether or not you’d punt your fucking dog “Baxter style” for $100,000,000. Call me soft, but I’m passing on the money here for another ten healthy years of my dog Chase Mutley in my life. Anyone else’s dog or cat? Absolutely. I’d Pat McAfee the shit out of some kittens or rat sized dogs, everyday moving forward, with that type of financial return.

“So what do you do, Dan?”

“Oh, I work with animals.”

“So you’re a vet?”

“Not exactly. Do you mind if I pet your dog?”

Guys were much more likely to be sincere with their answers because of course.

From New York Daily News:

Men were much more likely to be swayed by money into doing questionable things — in some cases two or more times more likely, according to the survey. For example, men were nearly three times more likely than women to perform a sex act on a stranger for $1 million or $1 billion, nearly four times as willing to commit murder for the top price and four times as likely to kick a kitten or puppy.

It seems women lie about much more than the amount of times they got porked in college..

[via New York Daily News]

Image via Youtube