Ted Cruz’s Freshman Year College Roommate Says He Was A Humongous D-Bag
Screenwriter Craig Mazin is best known professionally for his work on Scary Movie 3, Scary Movie 4, and the last two The Hangover movies. In addition to these credits, he also holds the self-given title of “least lucky freshman of all-time” after getting matched up to spend his first year of college living with Texas Junior Senator and Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz.
Back in 2012, Mazin expressed his hatred towards Cruz.
My freshman year college roommate Ted Cruz is going to be elected Senator. In case I hadn't made it clear, he's also a huge asshole.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) October 26, 2012
Then, on January 10 of this year, to celebrate hitting 25,000 followers on his Twitter account, Mazin decided to regale the Twittersphere with stories of his time living with Ted Cruz.
Now that I've hit 25,000 followers, I suppose I should reward all you new people with a patented CRUZ MEMORY.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
As a freshman, I would get into senior parties because I was Ted's roommate. OUT OF PITY. He was that widely loathed. It's his superpower.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
If I understand this correctly, Cruz was so universally hated at Princeton that students three years his senior would let Cruz’s roommate hang out with them in order to minimize the time he had to spend with Ted? Essentially Cruz was so awful that he brought together groups of people who would have normally wanted nothing to do with each other. In a backwards sort of way, that’s kind of a great quality for a president to have.
Second memory: Ted would talk about the women he thought he had a shot with. Pretty sure he remained untouched by a woman those four years.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
I… can relate.
Ted would leave a greasy film on everything. My friend Erik dubbed the substance "Cruhz," rhymes with "scuzz." Now there's Cruhz on my TV.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 10, 2016
Of what is Cruhz comprised? If Cruz has discovered some sort of renewable oil source, or, even better, he is a renewable source of oil, this could be huge for the energy crisis.
I'm starting to feel like the U.S. should pay me reparations for my freshman year. The Brutalism of Ted Cruz – https://t.co/rUuCuAnPdH
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 12, 2016
Lawyer up, you just might have a case.
Ted Cruz doesn't like "New York values." His wife works for Goldman Sachs. This is how dumb he thinks you all are.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 14, 2016
Hey, I’m not dumb, Cruz! Sure, I may have gotten a D in Animal Science 101, but that’s just because I thought the animal husbandry lab was an autopsy lab.
Getting emails blaming me for not smothering Ted Cruz in his sleep in 1988. What kind of monster do you think I am? A really prescient one?
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 15, 2016
Psh. Ted Cruz probably thinks I’m too DUMB to know what “prescient” even means.
*Grabs a dictionary*
I have 30k followers now, and all I had to do was be stuck in a room with Ted Cruz for a year. I'm sure you're all nice, but SO NOT WORTH IT
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) January 18, 2016
The crazy part is that there are somehow worse roommates out there than Ted Cruz..
[via Twitter]
Image via Andrew Cline / Shutterstock.com
How hes favored over rubio i dont know. I just dont fucking know.
10 years ago at 3:20 pmI completely agree. The rest of the party needs to realize that Rubio is the only GOP candidate with a legitimate shot at taking down the Clinton machine.
10 years ago at 3:26 pmRubio/Haley would win. I pray that the NE/midwest and south west show some rubio love. He’s literally the only hope. Not only would we lose with cruz or trump, we’d be the butt of every joke for another long long long 4 years.
10 years ago at 3:28 pmNot just 4 years. The nomination of Trump would be enough to break up the entire Republican Party
10 years ago at 9:33 pmMaybe that’s not a bad thing. Start fresh.
10 years ago at 11:19 amThe most important thing is to get a republican in office. If a democrat wins, they will let so many illegals in that the GOP will never win another election
10 years ago at 10:25 pmNot sure why I am getting lapped I am telling the truth
10 years ago at 5:43 amAll the new TSM writers must have seen your comment.
10 years ago at 10:57 amThis election cycle is gonna be looked at 100 years in the future as a huge clusterfuck.
10 years ago at 3:28 pmRubio is neocon, war mongering tool who was part of the gang of eight. And he’s fake and scripted beyond all belief.
10 years ago at 3:30 pmYou can trash Rubio’s immigration stance all you want, but he’s the only one with a shot at receiving enough of the increasingly crucial Hispanic-vote to win.
10 years ago at 3:36 pmI mean if I’m the minority here, I don’t want 8 years of endless wars and intervention that send our sons and daughters to die.
10 years ago at 3:38 pmUndoing the cuts to military funding made by Obama and leading the country into “8 years of endless wars” (pretty sure that’s an oxymoron) are two completely different things.
10 years ago at 3:42 pmOur military spending triples the next highest country, we aren’t lacking, be real. And I’m not talking about spending, Rubio is a major interventionist. According to the Cato Institute, he’s ranked as the 2nd highest interventionist behind only Clinton, which should tell you a lot. So I’d rather not send our people to die in wars we have no business dealing with.
10 years ago at 3:55 pmLove you man
10 years ago at 4:51 pmI’ve always found it odd that in my experience, people who say that they don’t want our troops sent to foreign countries rarely have anyone they are close to in the military. If anyone should be extremely upset with sending troops into combat, it should be those that have loved ones on the line. Interestingly enough, they are, for the most part, supportive of our military actions abroad. Certainly it’s important to find peaceful solutions if possible, but we shouldn’t be fearful of using our military might.
10 years ago at 7:02 pmI lost my big brother, my uncle and my gramps. And I am a non-interventionist. You can take your laps you bastard.
10 years ago at 10:14 pmAt least some of the males in your family had nutsacks.
10 years ago at 10:17 pmI am sure you are a great and supporting brother in your house. Fuck off
10 years ago at 10:30 pmAnd I have no doubt people in yours use the phrase “slipped through the cracks” when talking about you.
10 years ago at 10:56 amIsn’t it already?
10 years ago at 4:11 pmRubio will get the nod. It’s still extremely early
10 years ago at 3:37 pmLow key I think Christie wouldn’t be bad either
10 years ago at 3:57 pmChristie is a New Jersey Gov that likes the Cowboys… his judgement is all over the fucking place, J-Walk a Freeway.
10 years ago at 4:56 pmChristie will be dead in 8 years tops. Heart attacks are a bitch.
10 years ago at 5:02 pmCan we stop saying low key
10 years ago at 5:16 pmHowever, Jeb’s tax plan makes the most sense.
10 years ago at 7:00 pmJeb sounds like a soft spoken pussy during the debates.
10 years ago at 7:18 pmHope you’re right dude
10 years ago at 4:33 pmRubio is a kite in a hurricane. He’s got no backbone.
10 years ago at 5:03 pmProbably Rubio’s tax plan includes essentially no change from now, except to the capital gains tax, which helps a very small part of the population. Only candidates who offer real change are Paul and Sanders, but I want absolutely nothing to do with the type of change Sanders is offering. So yeah, it’s Rand Paul or bust for me. Cruz talked a big game in the beginning but he’s a phony, and if you support Rubio you may as well support Clinton because there’s only a small fraction of difference between them.
10 years ago at 8:18 pmI really like Rand Paul. But I’m starting to get a bad fucking feeling this country is going to elect a 75 year old socialist Jew. I really hope I’m wrong…..
10 years ago at 9:36 pmWas the Jew thing really necessary?
10 years ago at 10:10 pmI feel like a Socialist Jew is an oxymoron.
10 years ago at 2:49 amHe didnt even touch on the most despicable aspect of Ted Cruz. The fuckers Canadian
10 years ago at 3:24 pmAnd he’s only 5’8″.
10 years ago at 7:20 pmJames Madison was 5’4 and he wrote the Constitution
10 years ago at 9:00 pmI want my president to tower over that midget Putin.
10 years ago at 9:07 pmSettle down their Height Supremacist…
10 years ago at 10:19 pmthere*
10 years ago at 11:04 pmRaised in Canada, educated in Jersey and ran for senate in Texas??? Impressed he got a single Texan to vote for him
10 years ago at 3:27 pmat least he doesn’t fake a southern accent (looking at you hillary)
10 years ago at 3:29 pmI legitimately laughed at that New York values bullshit. I thought, “dude, you were educated at Princeton & Harvard, who the fuck do you think you’re kidding?”
10 years ago at 8:19 pmAnd Bush was educated at Yale…just sayin
10 years ago at 7:55 amHe was raised in Houston from elementary to high school. He worked on W’s campaign and also taught at UT Austin for 5yrs. So not that surprising that Texans love him.
10 years ago at 7:54 amStand with Rand if you actually want freedom.
10 years ago at 3:29 pmThough i disagree with Rand on numerous issues, i admire him immensely for standing his ground and not wavering.
10 years ago at 3:33 pm#wasteyourvote2016
10 years ago at 5:41 pmEat a dick
10 years ago at 6:19 pmThat mentality is part of why nothing changes and we’re perpetually choosing between really, really, really big government and really, really big government.
10 years ago at 8:57 amIs it bad if a bunch of liberal pansies despise you?
10 years ago at 3:33 pmNo, it’s a good thing. The younger, high school try-hards on this site missed the memo.
10 years ago at 3:44 pmIts bad if your own party is ashamed of you though. Which is the issue here, kids.
10 years ago at 3:48 pmReagan was hated amongst the establishment GOP and his own party too. Have you forgotten he ran against Gerald Ford’s presidential re-election campaign in 1976?
10 years ago at 3:59 pmMaybe so, but at least he was likeable as far as the general public was concerned. Cruz has no such trait.
10 years ago at 6:05 pmReagan was a great speaker and politician and a proud American no doubt. But he was by no means a good president, nor was he bad. His actual policies were just meh. But he’s remembered as great cause he was a GREAT speaker. Lap me all you want but it’s true.
10 years ago at 6:59 pmIt also helped that the economy was doing pretty well during most of his presidency. Everyone seems to calm the fuck down when cash is coming in.
10 years ago at 10:06 pmThey hate him because he threatens their government welfare lined wallets. That’s A-ok with me bud
10 years ago at 1:02 pmHow this site has gone down hill. Most of you dislike Cruz because you’ve been told it’s fashionable by the left. Why? Because he wants to bring Reagan-like conservatism to DC. Ted knows government is best limited, whereas RINO’s believe the government is best large, along as they’re in control. Look at what the republican controlled house and senate has done. They campaigned on ending Obama-care, Obama’s illegal amnesty, sealing our borders and protecting our country against radical islam. What have they done? Nothing. Obama-care and illegal amnesty are both funded, illegal immigrants are flooding our southern border, Syrian refugees will soon be coming into our country by the thousands, our second amendment is being trampled on, and 150 billion dollars is going towards Iran the largest state sponsor of terrorism in the world. The so-called Republicans you pussies love have been silent. Cruz is the only one to stand up to each of these things. Cruz was the only one who kept the promises he made while campaigning. Smear him as you please, but you should be ashamed of yourself.
10 years ago at 3:42 pmTed’s a flip flopping sleeze. Take your laps.
10 years ago at 3:49 pmAll of Rubio’s attacks/lies against Cruz from the last GOP debate were debunked by Mark Levin. They were lies, simple as that. Cruz has been rocksteady. No laps will be taken on my behalf.
10 years ago at 4:01 pmSpot on. And to say that Ted is a flip flopper compared to the others in the race is a joke.
10 years ago at 5:59 pmThat doesn’t seem to be the consensus here. Waiting on those laps son.
10 years ago at 6:33 pmYeah but he has the most punchable face in the history of the world
10 years ago at 3:59 pmTed is for “limited” government! That’s rich. Both parties are big government bitches, because both parties benefit from big government. Right wing or left wing it’s the same damn bird bro.
10 years ago at 7:21 pmCruz wants taxes at 10% across the board and eliminate the IRS, thats more then libertarians want to do
10 years ago at 8:58 pmPerpetuating the drug war, denying marriage equality, and advocating for increased military spending. Cruz is literally 100% by the AU, indicating OPPOSITION to separation of church & state. ya so libertarian and small government.
10 years ago at 11:48 pmhe want to take away the power of the federal government to have any say in gay marriage. he wants to take away the power of the federal government to have say in drug laws.
10 years ago at 2:23 pmI agree. Cruz is probably the only true conservative candidate which is why the GOP establishment dislikes him. There are way too many high schoolers on this site who are liberal or libertarian. The site started going downhill a little before forums got removed and has turned to shit ever since then.
10 years ago at 7:51 pmOnly high schoolers are libertarian that’s dumb as shit. If anything they’re all big government Democrats/Republicans.
10 years ago at 11:50 pmCruz is the best candidate-But not as popular/electable as Trump. If Trump wins I really hope Cruz runs with him.
10 years ago at 12:22 pmThis story has been around for years. If you’re going to jump on the Cruz bashing bandwagon, at least try to find some new material. Why don’t you just join S. Holt and vote for Shrillary?
10 years ago at 3:49 pmThe enemy of my enemy is my friend. If the liberals hate him then I love him.
10 years ago at 4:18 pmThat’s the thinking (or lack there of) that led Obama to victory. We should vote for the best candidate for the job. In 2008 & 2012 it was Ron Paul. This year it is his son.
10 years ago at 4:54 pmI don’t think that’s a good long term policy cause the definitely make ISIS & KKK your “friends.”
10 years ago at 7:07 pmI’ll gladly take a President who is hated by liberals and politicians.
10 years ago at 4:59 pmCruz is the smartest Republican Candidate and should be our next president
10 years ago at 5:34 pm