What 11 Celebrities Were Like In College Based On Their Fraternity Composite Photos

Jared Borislow9 years ago

It comes as no surprise that some of the biggest names in Hollywood started out as small names printed on fraternity composites. The interpersonal skills they developed during their time as members of Greek organizations surely played a role in helping them flourish when put under the spotlight (along with most of them being handsome-ass dudes).

As much as it doesn’t feel like it, celebrities are just like us. The ones most like us? Those that were members of Greek life in college, of whom there are many. One question remains, however: What were these celebrities like during their fraternity days?

Let’s explore.

1. Will Ferrell – Delta Tau Delta, The University of Southern California

The stone face. The white dude flat-top. The brown tweed jacket/pastel button-down/skinny tie combo. Will Ferrell was no doubt that one brother who tries to make the pledges laugh during lineups (while somehow keeping a straight face himself) just so he can haze them for laughing at him. Though it’s hard for me to look at this photo and not think about when Will Ferrell entertained the idea of getting rid of college fraternities altogether.

2. Ashton Kutcher – Delta Chi, The University of Iowa

My God, look at that flow. Ashton “Kutcher” Christopher was definitely that one guy in your chapter who sneakily bangs every girl on campus while still maintaining a low profile. I’d bet money that, in college, Ashton ran through more corn-fed Iowa girls than a runaway tractor at the Des Moines County Fair. That is, until he dropped out of Iowa to become a full-time model/actor.

3. Joe Buck – Sigma Nu, Indiana University Bloomington

Look at that forced smile, that tie that looks like it was cut out of a dyed-blue version of Fred Flintstone’s moo moo, and that “BAD HAIR,” as a 39-year-old Joe Buck would later refer to it. It’s no wonder Joseph grew up to become the least interesting play-by-play sportscaster in the history of broadcast television.

With his penchant for downplaying anything exciting or controversial that he witnesses, Joe Buck would’ve been the perfect guy for the crisis management position at IU Sig NU.

4. Luke Bryan – Sigma Chi, Georgia Southern University

I personally like Luke Bryan, and have seen him in concert (Summerfest 2013 what up???), but not everyone is a huge fan of the pop country singer.

You can clearly see from the reflection on the glass that a Luke Bryan-obsessed college-aged girl took this picture of Luke Bryan’s composite, which I imagine pretty much sums up his days at Georgia Southern. A fraternity guy who sings about sororities? That’s what you’ll find up there in sorority girl heaven, alongside a Yorkie decked out in Lilly and a never-ending cheese plate. I guarantee Luke ran train on a number of my my my little ADPis back in his Sig Chi days, as well as Zetas, Thetas, Chi Os, and little Phi Mus.

5. Drew Brees – Sigma Chi, Purdue University

If I’m sure of anything in this life, it’s that Drew Brees’ pledge nickname had something to do with his birthmark. I don’t know if it was “Poopcheeks,” “Poo Brees,” or “MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLE,” but I know it was something. None of that mattered, though, because Drew wound up being his school’s starting quarterback. When you’re slinging tuddies on Saturdays, you could have a goat’s bulbous nutsack (don’t worry, that’s a safe click) for a head and it wouldn’t matter — you’re still the big man on campus.

6. Zac Brown – Kappa Alpha Order, The University of West Georgia

So we’re not entirely sure if this is Zac Brown’s actual composite photo or not. A user submitted it to us saying that it’s him, and it kinda looks like a younger, beardless version of the country crossover star, but we aren’t totally sure. So I could just be judging some random guy named Zack Brown. Either way…

Zac Brown’s composite picture gives hope to average-looking college dudes everywhere. He was probably the low-key nice guy in college who got girls with his golden pipes before growing into his body and getting them with the whole package.

Or maybe he was just some random dude named Zack Brown.

A man who claimed to be Zac’s neighbor back in college told us that this is, in fact, the Zac Brown’s composite picture.

7. Paul Rudd – Sigma Nu, The University of Kansas

Drugs: Paul Rudd smoked them. Dude used to look like a chiller version of Kenny G. When you compare him to the other Kansas Sig Nu brothers on the composite, it’s pretty clear Paul Rudd was the fraternity’s funny guy. I mean, c’mon — no tie? Dude’s clearly got ’80s jokes coming out the wazoo. Don’t act like you don’t want to get hammered with ’80s Rudd… Or current Rudd. Even at his advanced age, Paul’s still got some partying left in him — just two years ago he threw a kegger at his mom’s house.

8. Brad Pitt – Sigma Chi, Mizzou

Sure, Brad Pitt never graduated from Mizzou (possibly for this hilarious reason), but that doesn’t mean he didn’t live it up in college. Need proof?

Need more proof?

Back to his composite picture, though. That hair doesn’t just happen. Brad was the kinda guy who’d make his friends wait up for him in-between the pregame and the bars because his “feathering isn’t sitting right.” The kinda guy who avoided beer showers at all costs, lest a single drop touch his precious locks. The kinda guy who’d light a pledge on fire, then stick the claw of a hammer under his scrotum and lead him around a room. Just kidding about that last one — that was Jon Hamm.

9. Paul Ryan – Delta Tau Delta, Miami University (OH)

I’m not sure if it means he looks good now or that he looked like shit back in his fraternity days, but Paul Ryan literally looks the exact same now as he did in college. With those sad eyes and that “KILL ME” smile, Paul was probably his fraternity’s IFC representative, in charge of the mundane week-to-week task of bridging the gap between the fraternity and the Interfraternity Council. Boring stuff. That’s probably why he never had time to kill a stripper.

10. Matthew McConaughey – Delta Tau Delta, The University of Texas at Austin

If Brother McConaughey runs for President of the Nation of Texas when the state secedes next year, I am 100% sure he wins in a landslide. I recently went to a sushi restaurant that proudly displayed a spot on the wall where McConaughey wrote “Just keep livin'” with his signature beneath it. That’s an amazing campaign platform.

After looking at his composite picture, you’re forced to agree with me regarding one fact: McConaughey’s just a plain ol’ good looking dude. The kinda dude you wish you looked like. The kinda dude your girlfriend wishes you looked like. More than anybody on this list, you know McConaughey got some serious action during his tenure as an active Delt at the University of Texas. Rumor (that I just made up) has it that his signature catchphrase “Alright, alright, alright” actually became ingrained in his head because it’s what he said while he was railing UT sorority tail, which he did so often that the repeated words became second nature to him.

If it’s not clear by now, dude got laaaaaaaaiiidddddd.

Bonus video: What happens when Matthew McConaughey and Brad Pitt realize they’re staying across the street from each other in New Orleans? Pitt tosses a beer from his balcony to McConaughey’s. You can’t make this shit up.

11. Eli Manning – Sigma Nu, Ole Miss

As homely then as he is now, odds are Eli Manning wouldn’t have gotten a bid at Sig Nu had he not been a legacy due to his father Archie’s membership in the very same chapter. Or maybe it was, y’know, the fact that, like Brees, he was a quarterback on the school’s football team. Probably a combination, if not the former alone.

Look at him. Eli was that pledge who only didn’t get dropped because literally no brothers had spoken to him enough to form an opinion of him either way. The ghost pledge who, when his name is called out at initiation, elicits a “who the fuck is that?” reaction from everybody in the room except for the pledge educator and his big brother.

At least Eli got more attractive after this photo was taken, right?

Never mind..

Do you have any celebrity composite photos from your chapter or another chapter on campus? How about just plain old hilarious composite photos from normal brothers? Email both to jared@totalfratmove.com