FAIL FRIDAY: Weekend Wasted
Ten real submissions, 21 photos, and 9 videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.
Got something you think should be featured in Fail Friday? Email it to intern@totalfratmove.com.
Like only benching never squatting and hot tubbing with sorority girls and pooning poon and fratting frat and just being down for whatever. TFM.
I don’t know what I just read.
Denying sorostitutes the sweet nectar of your loins because you’re afraid of a long-term romantic commitment. TFM.
Just commit, dude. Get her pregnant as hell.
Wearing your letter hoody and Brooks Brothers boxers to the urologist so that he knows that even though your weiner is small you still get laid. TFM.
“Damn this kid’s dick is small. But he’s wearing a frat hoody and Brooks Bros boxers so at least he still gets laid.”
I’ll take hate for this any day of the week, but some of my childhood friends are non-affluent GDIs and I absolutely hold them to the same exact standard/tier as I do any other Greek affiliates. Don’t forget where you came from and who was with you. TFM.
Do so much less than you’re currently doing.
When people start noticing your gainz and say you’re on steroids. Fucking right I’m on steroids and cocain. TFM.
Alright, calm down psycho.
Robbing your rival fraternity blind when they all leave for formal. TFM.
That’s a crime, brother.
When you’re at the party drinking and just looking around the room knowing so many of the girls are going to catch your D over the years. TFM.
I know that feeling!
Yelling out, “IT SMELLS LIKE FISH IN HERE!” whenever your ex-girlfriend walks into the room. TFM.
You totally roasted her.
Cruising around campus in your bro’s 2007 Jetta just stunting on GDIs and making sorosties squirt. TFM.
Got my first blowjob in a 2007 Jetta, actually.
I’ll wait to have sex with you if you really like me. I will just continue to have sex and attempt to have sex with other hot chics. And if, and when you do have sex with me I will add you to my list. How often will I see you? That depends how good you are in bed. In reality, as a Rich and Good Looking guy that lives in So Cal, I don’t wait to have sex. I don’t have to wait. Chics have sex with me when they first meet me. The women I date are Young, Hot and Materialistic. Most importantly, the aforementioned women understand my expectations. And I understand their needs. But I get it as chics near 30, or 22 for that matter they think: “Oh shit I need a nice guy so I can stop working and breed!” ” I have to get Prego before I lego my eggo.” Say good bye to the guys you really like. I might settle down one day with a woman. Although, I doubt I will be completely monogamous. I do want to have kids. If I do settle down, it will be with a Barely Legal, European Chic, who is as close to virginity as possible. Which of course I will never really know. I might hire a Private Investigator. And she is from a Rich Family so……..there you go! The aforementioned Barely Legal, European Girl will bang me in the Hotel Room as soon as it is logistically achievable. Why waste time? So, in the final analysis. No waiting. Thanks.
One of the most bizarre submissions we’ve ever received.
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BUTTERY IS BACK, BITCHES!
9 years ago at 3:28 pmGood man. Still wanted to see what you had to say about stanley though.
9 years ago at 3:33 pmThat didn’t take long
9 years ago at 3:36 pmWhich is unfortunately something I hear far too often
9 years ago at 3:37 pmThat’s her problem, not yours
9 years ago at 3:40 pmyou samdbaggin son of a bitch, welcome back
9 years ago at 3:49 pmsandbaggin*
9 years ago at 3:50 pmWe knew you couldn’t leave ya son of a bitch
9 years ago at 4:10 pmIt’s so late that I don’t even give a shit about it anymore. Just give us the Ask Shelby comments back you commie bastards.
9 years ago at 3:30 pmYou’re an abortion of a human being Intern
9 years ago at 3:30 pmFuck you Dorn you pussy whipped cuck. I hope you know just because she spread her legs doesn’t make you special. Hell, she probably fucks bitch tits Dan as well.
9 years ago at 3:31 pmI legit feel sorry for you. You just have to have something more fulfilling in your life than doing this day in and day out.
9 years ago at 3:34 pmlace up those tennis shoes and work on those chicken legs
9 years ago at 3:37 pmIts a Friday afternoon, there is nothing better than insulting you and your whore of a gf stanley, all while getting paid more than you make
9 years ago at 3:38 pmI legit feel sorry for you Dorn because there’s clearly nothing fulfilling going on in your life if you’re still writing/working for TFM day in and day out.
9 years ago at 3:44 pmCome on man. After all this and no response from you whatsoever, and you come with that gay ass ‘i feel sorry for you’ shit. Address the situation and stop being a puss.
9 years ago at 3:45 pmI have.
9 years ago at 3:50 pmNot really. You act like the rules change because this intern has tits and a cock koozie. We have always trashed your interns and now you ball us over it.
9 years ago at 3:52 pmThis is in no way a defense of everyone’s two favorite punching bags, but I kinda of understand the difference between making unsubstantiated pedophilia claims and ganging up on an anonymous intern for dropping a column late and digging up actual legal dirt on someone and broadcasting it in such a public light. Assuming Sidney hops off the TFM staff dick and pursues other career opportunities one day, this shit will really come back to haunt her. And i cant really justify ruining someone’s career prospects just because she’s a bitch online and her content manager couldn’t squat a bendy straw. Im no internet tough guy. Go ahead and lap it, but that’s my 2 cents.
9 years ago at 3:55 pmIt’s a shame the way you guys run this website. Closing a comment section just because you disagree with it is not what our funding fathers would’ve liked. There’s other ways of addressing problems than with your dictatorship. Specially because at the end of the day, us the users are the ones that make this website what it is.
9 years ago at 3:58 pmIs a funding father kind of like a sugar daddy?
9 years ago at 4:05 pmIt’s a public record, if any of us can find it any legit company would be able to find it too. I agree with you at certain point but at the same time, this has never stopped TFM of posting pictures of dumb asses that committed crimes and have mugshots.
9 years ago at 4:01 pmYeah but she’s probably aiming to be another one of those Instagram models so her employer is gonna be a Turk who shits on her chest while she tickles his balls
9 years ago at 4:03 pmHaving a mugshot for theft, no matter how petty, will seriously affect your career prospects. I know we all have done things we aren’t proud of, I know I certainly have, but its not like an employer will not find that. I know at least where I work that any sort of criminal charge related to theft, violence, or sex is an automatic termination and will disqualify you for working for the company. Just my .02 from the corporate world.
9 years ago at 4:10 pmIts still her dirty laundry. If you’ve made it to the waning years of your undergrad without any baggage, you didn’t have much of a college experience. But it’s still kind of a bitch move to bring that stuff up on in a forum prospect. public knowledge or not. I hope I’m making sense to at least some people
9 years ago at 4:20 pmOr you run really fast
9 years ago at 4:50 pmBut sometimes the campus po show up for the 3rd time in 90 minutes and decide theyre taking names this time. Someone’s gotta go down with the ship.
9 years ago at 9:27 pmI agree, 144. Some of y’all have taken this too far. A lot of you are trying way too hard to be funny, and the fact that y’all chose to surface a mugshot on TFM in order to do that is crossing the line. Yeah, it’s on public record, but do you truly feel that kind of hatred toward a girl you’ve never met? There are other ways to get upvotes, and that needs to be known. It’s one thing to harmlessly criticize the staff and those affiliated with them, but most of what I saw earlier was absolutely demoralizing. It’s a satirical, college humor site, and I get that. There is a limit, however, and a lot of y’all have far surpassed it.
TL;DR You don’t sincerely hate this girl. Know when to stop.
9 years ago at 4:18 pmI could hug you
9 years ago at 4:21 pm“He’s a little old for you, Dorn.”
Seriously, though, Buttery’s take on this is on point. Let’s just stick to insulting her intelligence and expressing our desires to perform depraved sexual acts on her. We aren’t monsters.
9 years ago at 4:45 pmOk this is my last comment on this topic. Dorn you fucked up royally this week and I think you’re a clown. BUT, I understand that things went over the line. I get that there is a difference between attacking a person and ridiculing a faceless online persona, even if it was just for kicks. It was wrong to dig shit up on a person and as a man I get that its not right. Lap me all you fucking want to guys but I’m man enough to realize when I take things too far. And dont tell me it didnt get out of hand because it fucking did. Ok Im done.
9 years ago at 5:08 pmI think you would try a little more than just a hug
9 years ago at 7:27 amNot only does some of it completely cross the line, it’s getting pretty fucking stale. NFL article? ‘Fuck Sidney.’ Self-serving, frequently self-commenting siblings column? ‘Fuck Sidney.’ Censorship isn’t the only making this site suck recently. Its the complete lack of commenter originality, all trying to get a rise out of the writers. tl;dr it’s over the line and stopped being funny/entertaining a while ago
9 years ago at 4:39 pmLap it, jagoffs. The Frabstening was funny for a day. After that, all the cock-gargling got downright cringeworthy.
9 years ago at 4:43 pmI don’t know why you are getting lapped, there’s a point where you need to admit you are wrong.
9 years ago at 4:47 pmI do think the picture was too much, but I think you can write whatever you want in this website, at the end of the days it’s what makes it great. Digging dirt was shitty and over the line, but I think the intern and all the staff know what kind of animals they are dealing with, specially on a friday afternoon where I assure you most people are drunk. I agree with you with the lack of originality and eventually people will vote them down, hurt their egos and they will stop posting.
9 years ago at 4:54 pmtl;dr digging dirt was shitty, writing and offending staff members it’s 90% of this website and shouldn’t be censor.
This is a downright mature comment.
9 years ago at 8:35 pmThe “it got old” one.
9 years ago at 8:37 pmWhat the fuck is wrong with you people? Who would take the time to stalk this girl out and post a mugshot on the comment section?
9 years ago at 6:06 pmDown vote me all you want, but it’s pathetic that someone would take the time to search for that and post it on a site where she’s interning. Do I think she’s a soft 7 who has self-esteem issues? Yes. But we’re fraternal GENTLEMEN and need to act like we have a little class.
9 years ago at 7:24 pmAmen. (inb4 there’s a button for that)
9 years ago at 3:00 amthe People want Frabst, not the opinions of you and that anorexic version of Amy Schumer you call Intern. fuck you.
9 years ago at 3:57 pmSerious question Dillon, how the fuck did you get a bid for a fraternity?
How did you go from fraternity gentleman to the cock sucker you are today?
I know your advertisers don’t like rush tits and some of the things we say are not the nicest, but really, your website is going to shit because you are taking away some of the hallmarks of fraternity life from a website that is supposedly all about fraternity life.
9 years ago at 4:02 pmAre you okay?
9 years ago at 4:06 pmYes, I am fine.
see how I actually answered the question dillon? how about you do the same. I genuinely want answers.
9 years ago at 4:14 pmY’all get worked up about the dumbest shit.
9 years ago at 4:14 pmMakes it easy to tell who the high schoolers are
9 years ago at 9:45 pmHey Dillon, I think you’re cool and tough!
9 years ago at 6:46 pmYou can’t speak at all Dorn, you work for a satirical website targeted for college students and highschoolers. This is your job, I feel bad for your parents knowing their son is working at a mediocre company called grandex
9 years ago at 3:51 pmHigh schoolers are not the target audience, since Greek Life is a college thing but I see your point.
9 years ago at 4:56 pmDorn your hair is fucking stupid
9 years ago at 3:53 pmEase up bro. That’s an instant ball-worthy insult
9 years ago at 4:00 pmthey can take his account, but they cant take his dignity.
9 years ago at 4:14 pmSeems likely he doesn’t want intern Snarlie coming back and suing his ass. Same reason forums went away. Comments are the only thing grandex can’t control.
9 years ago at 3:54 pmIm ashamed of you Dillon.
9 years ago at 4:05 pmDorn, the fuck you do with the comments on the ask intern Sydney page?
9 years ago at 4:06 pmSounds like what yall are saying is, you feel like it went too far once she became a real person. You gotta leave her real life out of it.
Now Dorn, how do you explain your deleting comments/ blackball bullshit?
9 years ago at 4:29 pmEhhh Im over it now.
9 years ago at 4:29 pmAlright well, see ya later then
9 years ago at 4:45 pmDorn, please turn the comment section off permanently on all articles. Grandex will fold and you will be out of BOTH a job AND Sydney’s ham wallet. Because there’s no way she will go from telling her friends she’s dating the “VP of a tech startup” to the “lead fry engineer at a fast casual conglomerate.”
9 years ago at 5:03 pmAnd whoever fucking lapped me within 2 seconds of me posting this because you didn’t take the time to read the whole thing, fuck off. You should be studying for your remedial math final at whatever shitty satellite state school you go to because you can’t get accepted to the real thing.
9 years ago at 5:06 pmFuck you and your whore mother, Dillon. I bet she has so much baby batter swimming in her roast-beef lipped cunt she could shit out a half-aborted interracial step brother for you
9 years ago at 7:00 pmYou should change your avatar to a certain admitted escort’s mugshot.
9 years ago at 4:41 pmI think if she posted a picture of her tits we can call it a day
9 years ago at 4:44 pmIll fall on this grenade. Im honestly gunna miss you guys.
9 years ago at 5:43 pmNot all heroes wear capes
9 years ago at 5:52 pm“do i think shes a soft 7 with esteem issues? yes” – booger_sugar…anyone of you would cream in your jeans if this broad talked to you at a bar. fuck outta here with that shit. she actually seems like a decent person. not only that…but her column has been the fun one for the past few weeks. we have her, jtrain and tinder lines, and i have a feeling she was probably sitting around the office choked up just for doing her job. i doubt she has to answer our questions. but she was a champ about it and took a lot of shit and it was fun. but now it crossed the line . its time to admit we fucked up.
9 years ago at 10:37 pmStfu you pussy-whipped bitch
9 years ago at 3:42 pmDorn censoring comments on ask Stanley is the real fail Friday this week
9 years ago at 3:31 pmDorn is turning this site into the people’s republic of TFM now
9 years ago at 3:38 pmKim Jung Dorn
9 years ago at 3:47 pmThis site is becoming softer than the NFL
9 years ago at 3:53 pmGood news keg, you have dropped to 3rd most hated person on TFM
9 years ago at 3:55 pmI hope Dorn’s first son is gay and retarded.
9 years ago at 4:03 pmThat’s fucked up, I just wish he has a very hot daughter.
9 years ago at 4:06 pmHe would have to adopt.
9 years ago at 4:34 pmIf his wife ever actually gives it up.
9 years ago at 4:11 pmDorn won’t get married he’s gonna get be the creepy guy who’s lived in the same run down house in the burbs for 40 years that is literally filled with tons of old newspapers and half empty peanut butter jars
9 years ago at 4:22 pmI think Dorn is actually married and his wife is kinda hot.
9 years ago at 5:03 pmActually I hope it’s with a mistress and his family is ruined.
9 years ago at 4:29 pmSome MIS major needs to create a site like TFM but with actual frat content and none of the high school pandering. It should require a .edu email address to make a profile so high school/community college kids can’t comment on the site. And no pedophiles like Dorn censoring the content cause he’s over protective of the slutty intern who gave him a drunk bj the first week she got hired. Just sayin’
9 years ago at 5:01 pmI would kill u without hesitation
9 years ago at 5:05 pmI’m so glad that you’ve thought of this, not a single person has ever suggested it in the past!
9 years ago at 5:08 pmTry r/Frat it’s actually got good content
9 years ago at 9:13 amafter reading all that, all I can say is: Hey Sydney, were sorry.
9 years ago at 5:08 pmPause … Not
9 years ago at 5:15 pmThe only fail this week is your comment
9 years ago at 9:55 pmI’ll stab wound fuck your mom, dorn. You pussy wanker
9 years ago at 5:45 pmAll that shit you guys post about safe spaces then you go ahead and make one for her.
9 years ago at 6:05 pmTell Sydney the cold-hearted bitch routine is a bad look.
9 years ago at 12:41 amJudging by how upset you guys are over this, I just want you to know that once you graduate, you might as well just chug some bleach. Life gets a little tougher than “I can’t comment on a website and now I’m mad!!” Fucking grow up and go outside.
9 years ago at 6:17 amI feel like she should just write an article about the whole event. I mean it’s the first thing that comes up on a google search may as well double down on it. Better have been a story though
9 years ago at 3:58 amThe fuck happened to the Shelby comment section
9 years ago at 3:31 pmWe’re gonna play a game? Who hates free speech, loves censorship, and gets offended over everything? We’re you going to say SJW pussy liberals? Close, but no the answer we were looking for was TFM
9 years ago at 3:38 pmPosting this now won’t save you from the skull fucking come your way.
9 years ago at 3:32 pmIntern Syndey is a great girl and deserves respect.
9 years ago at 3:35 pmNOT
9 years ago at 3:35 pmYou really had me going there for a second…..NOT.
OH boy! that was a good one
9 years ago at 3:45 pmI can’t even be excited about this after witnessing the comment section being taken to protect the feelings of intern dick slurp.
9 years ago at 3:35 pmLove the Poop guys. Keep it up
9 years ago at 3:37 pm