15 Ron Swanson Quotes About The Greatness Of America
9 years ago

Ron Swanson

Ron Swanson is a goddamn American hero. He embodies everything great about this country. Here are some of the most patriotic quotes from the iconic Parks and Recreation character in celebration of the 4th of July.

  1. “History began on July Fourth, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.”
  2. “I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-oz. t-bone and a 24-oz. porterhouse. Also, whisky and a cigar. I am going to consume all this at the same time because I am an American.”
  3. “I would sooner visit Europe than have something romantic happen between us.”
  4. “The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.”
  5. “Crying is only acceptable in 2 places: funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
  6. “Capitalism is the only way … It makes America great, England OK, and France terrible.”
  7. “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teet until they have sore, chapped nipples”
  8. “When I walked in this morning and saw that the flag was half-mast, I thought ‘Alright, another bureaucrat ate it!'”
  9. “America: the only country that matters. If you want to experience “other cultures,” use an atlas or a Ham radio.”
  10. “Child labor laws are ruining this country.”
  11. “There is only one bad word: taxes.”
  12. “My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke.”
  13. “Dammit I love this country so much.”
  14. “Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
  15. “Shorts over six inches are capri pants, shorts under six inches are European.”

America. Nuff said. Happy 4th of July.

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Image via YouTube

    2. CreightonFratStar

      You clearly haven’t seen the lengthy video of Nick Offermann sitting next to a fire drinking whiskey. Pure poetry.

      9 years ago at 4:12 pm
      1. JFratsby

        I’m curious if you’re black sundown. Or were you just unable to get another Top Gun user name?

        9 years ago at 3:41 pm
  5. SirCarlosIII

    “Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.” That quote is spot on.

    9 years ago at 12:58 pm
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      9 years ago at 1:40 pm
    2. Jackpittman

      Not necessarily. You should read the book “Outliers” by Malcolm Gladwell

      9 years ago at 5:21 pm
      2. Beer Jacket

        Outliers is a solid book, which considering your comment you didn’t read. What I took away from the chapter on IQ is that all you need for success is a slightly above average intelligence, hard work and some social skills mixed in with some luck. I personally think that’s beautiful.

        9 years ago at 7:23 pm
      3. Jackpittman

        What I was trying to say is intelligence alone cannot guarantee you a successful future. Work ethic, among other things, play a huge part in how much money you will make. In my opinion, that is the American Dream

        9 years ago at 8:53 pm
  7. greekprospect

    That flag at half mast wasn’t for a bureaucrat, it was for Lil’ Sebastian. Rest easy little man.

    9 years ago at 2:28 pm
    2. lca_94

      I’ve cried only twice in my life. Once, when I was 5 I was hit by a school bus. The second was when I learned that Lil Sebastian had passed.

      9 years ago at 7:06 pm