The Summer Of Johnny Manziel Continues, He Just Got Suspended By The NFL
9 years ago

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Two days ago, Johnny Manziel got on a plane to Cabo reaking of weed. Yesterday, there appeared to be cocaine in his vicinity in Cabo. Now, in completely unrelated news, the NFL has suspended JFF 4 games for substance abuse.

Pretty impressive to get suspended while not even on a roster. If you ask me, this newest speed bump sets Johnny up perfectly to be signed by a struggling, in-need-of-a-quarterback team that’s willing to take a chance on him. He’ll come in after his suspension is up and take them from 0-4 to 12-4 before losing in the playoffs after Johnny bleeds out after severely deviating his septum in a locker room bathroom stall ahead of the conference championship game, inspiring a 30 for 30 for the ages. Are you reading this, Broncos?

I fully believe Johnny when he says he’s currently going sober. As somebody who habitually overtrusts less-than-reputable characters, I think this will be a bigger success story than that of my childhood friend Jimmy, who went from murdering the cats in our neighborhood and expressing zero empathy to being a blood spatter analyst for the Miami PD. Everybody just wait and see.

I heard one of the reasons Johnny is going sober is that he couldn’t lock down any conflict-free cocaine.

Seems legit.

  2. Frattylite6969

    Who gives a fuck. It’s not like he’s currently on a roster or will be picked up by any team.

    9 years ago at 1:11 pm
  3. FordTFM

    I can honestly say that I’ve given up on him, and I think every NFL team has too. At some point he needs to admit he has a problem and get help, whether it be going to jail to set him straight or maybe just rehab again.

    9 years ago at 1:13 pm
  5. Fratstarbator

    ill welcome you in San Diego Johnny, our team doesnt even want to play for us anyway. we have ladies, pot, mexico is close so you can trash resort rooms, and an overentitled team that hasnt done shit since the mid 90s bitching about getting new amenities

    9 years ago at 1:18 pm
    1. ShockTop

      Yeah it’s sad, most people in Southern Calfornia are Raiders fans or are jumping on the Rams bandwagon. We need something to keep us watchable

      9 years ago at 1:24 pm
      1. VandyConservative

        10 cent beer night. It won’t help y’all, but I’d enjoy watching the highlights on ESPN

        9 years ago at 1:29 pm
  6. SirCarlosIII

    The NFL suspending Johnny is the same as if the NFL suspended me. Neither of us has any business regarding the NFL.

    9 years ago at 1:23 pm
  8. txstatePKE

    I don’t see why people keep saying he needs help isn’t this most 20-25 is doing? He seems to be living the life

    9 years ago at 1:30 pm
    1. CaughtMeJerkin

      Well he was a professional football player who now has a drug problem that arguably took him out of the league, so that’s the main reason people are saying he needs help.

      And no, that’s not what most 20-25 year olds do. Stupid.

      9 years ago at 2:42 pm
  9. Gun_Slinger

    So isn’t this the equivelant of me getting suspended 4 games by the NFL.

    Breaking news: Charlotte McKinney won’t have sex with me for at least 4 days.

    9 years ago at 2:02 pm
  11. Cheech127

    I mean, I rage harder than a fucking pirate but still hold manage to onto my job and life. This dude has problems.

    9 years ago at 2:45 pm